


With You I Will Journey Life's Path

by Nanaki_Lioness



Series: Pathverse [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Emotional Relationship, M/M, Madara is a jerk, Perfection Complex, Some SasuNaru mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:33:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9115132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanaki_Lioness/pseuds/Nanaki_Lioness
Summary: AU DeiItaDei. Life is more comfortable for Itachi and Deidara, but there is always something interesting to keep them on their toes.





	1. An Invitation To What?

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older series of fics that I'm finally moving over to AO3.
> 
> Alternative Universe DeiItaDei- this means it is set in our world, not Konoha, and is about the homosexual pairing of Itachi and Deidara with the dominant role primarily being Deidara's, but occasionally Itachi's.
> 
> Set in the UK. That's where I live, and it's easier to craft a realistic world when it's one I know.

The middle of January brought with it the first snow of the year. It crept up on them in the night, blanketing the world in crystal flakes that shimmered under the light of the aura-cast moon. Deidara was the first to discover this, standing with the front door open and looking out in awe at the snowflakes that lightly assaulted the ground.

He stretched one hand out slowly, not feeling the chilly breeze in the air as he did so. A voice from behind him seemed to however, causing him to glance around with a smile on his face.

"It's freezing," Itachi murmured as he wrapped his dressing gown around himself tightly, stepping up behind Deidara and slipping his hands around him. "What- oh."

"It's snowing," Deidara pointed out needlessly.

"So I can see," Itachi sighed. "This is going to make driving to college hell."

"College? You're still planning on going?"

"Of course."

"They might close it, yeah."

"They might not."

"Oh come on! You mean you won't spend a day at home with me making snowmen and having snowball fights?"

"No," Itachi replied shortly. "Because I'm not five years old. Close the door, you're letting all the heat out."

"No, you're ninety," Deidara sulked, but he closed the door anyway and joined Itachi in making coffee and breakfast. He opened the curtains and consumed his sitting on the windowsill, eyes fixed on the falling snow as if he had never seen it before.

"You're one of those people who actually like this stuff, aren't you?" Itachi asked as he leant against the wall next to his partner, coffee cradled in his hands.

"What's not to like?"

"The cold? The fact snow turns to ice and makes the roads treacherous?"

"It's pretty, yeah."

"So are you, but that doesn't mean you're good in anything more than small doses," Itachi countered, smirking as he sidestepped Deidara's indignant yet playful slap in his direction.

"Are you actually going to college in this?"

"Yes. Are you actually going to skip because of it?"

"Yes."

"You realise how bad that's going to look, considering they know we live together."

"Tell them I'm sick, yeah. I told you, it might not even be open!"

Itachi gave him a smile and left him where he was while he showered and changed, coming back twenty minutes later looking presentable. Deidara was still sitting half naked on the windowsill, his sketchbook in his hands as he furiously attempted to get the scene down on paper.

"Have fun then," Itachi sighed when he realised he wasn't going to get any joy out of his boyfriend, giving him a soft kiss. "I'm going to leave earlier so I can drive slower."

"Let me know when you get there, yeah," Deidara replied before waving him away so he could continue his sketch in peace. He stayed where he was until the sketch was finished, pleased that he'd drawn it on one of his watercolour pads because that was the medium he planned on using to paint it. Seeing no time better than the present he set about collecting his paints, settling down at the table and getting to work.

As always with his art, Deidara found himself so absorbed he was unaware of the time until he was given a reminder. This came in the form of the beep of his phone- a text from Itachi, telling him in his usual stern yet polite way that college was indeed open and he had made it safely. Deidara rolled his eyes, tossed his phone to one side, and went straight back to his painting.

Halfway through his careful crafting of the night sky on the piece he heard the distinct flutter of the letterbox, signifying that the post had arrived. Seeing it as a moment to take a break he went out to collect it, expecting bills as he did so. However the envelope that greeted him on the mat was unusual and hand written, addressed to Itachi. He frowned lightly- everybody knew they were a couple now, all companies that would send bills included, so it was strange to see only his partner's name in front of him.

The neat script was unrecognisable on the creamy envelope and he found himself fingering the edge of it lightly, wishing he could open it. He wouldn't- not without Itachi's permission at least. Abandoning his painting for the moment he grabbed his phone and sent his partner a text explaining about the mysterious envelope, hoping he would reply soon.

He wasn't disappointed. Itachi's reply was exactly what he wanted to see, telling him to go ahead and open it, then text back with the contents. Deidara gleefully tore into it, being greeted with the sight of two intertwined bells. He frowned, opening it up for further details.

' _You are cordially invited to the wedding of Nagato & Konan'_, the inside declared, which told him nothing at all since he had absolutely no idea who they were. Itachi obviously did, so he texted the information to his partner in the hopes he would learn who they were.

He didn't expect verbal reply in the form of a phone-call instead of a text. "Itachi?" He replied as he answered the ringing, glancing at the time. "Shouldn't you be in a class?"

"I made an excuse and left," Itachi replied sharply. Deidara didn't get the chance to congratulate his partner for what he knew was a monumental decision, considering his aversion to looking imperfect."Nagato and Konan? Are you sure?"

"Positive, yeah. It's in my hand right now. Who are they?"

"They work with my father," Itachi sighed, and Deidara could almost see the look of confusion on his boyfriend's face as he spoke. "I have no idea why I have an invite, considering I've only met them a few times. I'll call my father later and see if he can give me any further details. I have to go now- I'll talk to you later."

He had hung up before Deidara could reply. Shrugging, he left the invite on the side and went back to his artwork- Itachi knew less than he did, so there was nothing more he could do with it.

He was interrupted once again an hour or so later when he was putting the finishing touches to the piece, glancing up in surprise at the sound of the doorbell. They were both usually at college, which meant they shouldn't have had any visitors. Regardless he went to answer it, scowling immediately when he realised who it was.

Sasuke returned the scowl, folding his arms and glancing past Deidara. "Where's my brother?" He asked curtly, skipping the usually polite greeting stage and getting straight to his point.

"He went to college, yeah."

"In this weather?"

"This is Itachi," Deidara pointed out. "Of course he did."

"True," Sasuke sighed. "What a priss. Anyone else would have just taken the day off."

"Like yourself?"

"Like you from the look of it too."

Deidara shrugged at that, guilty as charged and unconcerned. "Get in if you're coming inside, yeah. It's freezing out here."

"What makes you think I'm coming inside if Itachi isn't here?"

Deidara glared at the younger Uchiha before grabbing his coat, shoes and keys. He slammed the door behind him and ran his hand along the hallway windowsill, gathering the snow in his hands tightly. He launched the snowball at Sasuke, who ducked but still got hit on the shoulder.

"Is that a challenge?" Sasuke declared, eyes narrowed dangerously at Deidara.

"If you want it to be, yeah."

"We start in five seconds," the younger Uchiha replied after a moment's hesitation. "You take one side of the path and I'll take the other. Five, four, three-two-one!"

He was already gathering snow in his hands as he spoke, catching Deidara in the back as he ran to one side of the path. Deidara was quite proud that he didn't shriek in protest at the unexpected assault, glaring across to Sasuke as he assumed his position on the other side of the path.

"Sasuke?" Deidara called before they began. "Do you know who Nagato and Konan are?"

Sasuke lowered the snowball in his hand, frowning lightly. "You guys got an invitation too? They're people who work with our Dad, but I don't know why we have invites."

"Itachi said the same," Deidara mused.

"Nagato is a good friend of our father," Sasuke explained with a shrug. "And our uncle is their boss. It could just be that they want all the family together for some absurd reason, and they're using the wedding as a convenient place to do that."

Sasuke ended the conversation by launching his snowball at Deidara, who shrieked in surprise and covered his head with his hands. Sasuke smirked as he gathered snow into another ball, eyes dancing with mirth when Deidara glared at him.

"You are such a pussy. Are you going to throw anything at me or not?"

"How about my fist?"

Sasuke held one hand out in a taunting gesture. "Bring it."

"No thanks. Your brother might kill me if I do, yeah."

"He might come to his senses and kick you out," Sasuke sighed, earning himself a snowball to the face which was most definitely aimed there.

"Jackass. How do you two share DNA?"

"Well you see, our mother and father loved each other very much and-" He cut himself off, looking momentarily appalled. "Wait. Scratch that. I don't want to think about it."

"I _mean_ Itachi's so nice and you're so... Not nice."

"I see you're as dim-witted as usual."

Deidara, who had been packing the snow in his hand firmly enough that it had begun to turn to ice, launched it straight at Sasuke once more. Sasuke dodged and threw one back, which began their war in full velocity.

"Hey, Sasuke?" Deidara panted when they had both taken a mutual break to catch their breath. "How about we call a temporary truce when Itachi gets home?"

Sasuke's lips widened in a grin as he immediately caught what Deidara was attempting to say. "Of course," he agreed smoothly. "That sounds like a fair idea."

-.-.-

Itachi arrived home much earlier than either of them expected. They had abandoned their snowball fight in favour of other activities- Deidara was on his back making a snow angel and Sasuke was attempting to make a snowman. Neither of them had commented on the other's choice of action, both knowing they were being equally childish.

"So this is how you spend your day off- you too, Sasuke?" Itachi reprimanded as he walked carefully down the now-icy path. Sasuke simply ducked behind his snowman and gave no reply.

"How was college?" Deidara asked, pulling himself to his feet. He was on the opposite side of the path to Sasuke so Itachi turned to greet him, giving him a small smile.

"Cold. The heating broke, so they sent us home."

"I bet you were the only one in class."

"No, apparently I wasn't the only one to care about my educ-"

He halted as two simultaneous snowballs found their way to him from either side, causing him to narrow his eyes and glare- though who to glare at first, he wasn't sure. He chose Sasuke, mostly because he still hadn't received an answer from him.

"If I can't skive off on a snow day, when _can_ I?" Sasuke protested to the silent question.

"My college is in the town over and I still managed to get there. What's your excuse?"

Sasuke shrugged. "You wouldn't want my excuse. Besides, you can drive. I haven't passed my test yet."

"How are the lessons going?"

"Fine, fine. I hear you got a wedding invitation as well, by the way."

Itachi nodded, features slipping into a confused frown. "I did. You got one too?"

"Yeah. I'm going to guess it's probably something to do with making the family look good or something. It's Nagato and Konan- there's bound to be lots of higher ups from the company attending."

"I'll go and call our parents to see why," Itachi replied, slipping inside the house and leaving Deidara and Sasuke to size each other up from opposite sides of the path once more. Sasuke slowly began to gather snow in his hands, keeping his eyes on Deidara as he did so.

"Let's get lunch and something warm to drink?" Deidara offered instead with a shrug. Sasuke seemed to think about, nodding and waiting until Deidara was ahead of him on the path to throw the snowball he had been making at him.

"Jerk," Deidara chided, but he didn't retaliate and stepped gladly into the warm house.

Itachi was in the middle of his phone-call, a frown permanently etched onto his face. "So it's where? How far away is that? Six- are you kidding? Six hours away?"

Sasuke looked unimpressed at that sound of that, sitting down on the sofa sulkily and glaring pointedly at Itachi until he finished his call. Deidara went back to his painting, which had dried nicely in the time he had been absent. He couldn't resist picking up his paintbrush however, seeing a couple of details that needed to be touched up.

"Why are you touching that?" Itachi asked as he hung up the phone. "Deidara, it looks incredible. Leave it alone."

"You're not an artist, yeah. It still needs work," Deidara argued with a shake of his head. Itachi knew better than to push the issue, letting it drop with a soft sigh.

"So?" Sasuke cut in, gesturing impatiently to Itachi. "What did he say?"

"Apparently uncle Madara is Nagato's best man."

"And...?"

"And apparently that is grounds enough for us to receive an invite," Itachi concluded, still looking confused despite the fact he was supposed to be explaining things. "It's being held in a church further up the country. Apparently Konan's family are there and they decided it would make a decent venue."

"So are you going to go?"

"Probably. Are you?"

"I don't think I care enough."

"That isn't very polite, Sasuke. It's their big day- it means a lot to them I'm sure. I could give you a lift."

"Didn't you say it was six hours away?" Sasuke asked, eyes flitting across to Deidara. "You expect me to spend six hours in a car with _him_?"

"Don't start," Itachi reprimanded lightly. "I think it would be fun."

"You actually _want_ to go?"

"It would be a nice few days away if nothing else, surely?" Itachi shrugged lightly, glancing to Deidara. "Do you fancy that idea?"

"Am I invited?" Deidara asked, looking a little sheepish.

"If you aren't I'm sure I can arrange it so that you are."

"You _willingly_ want to spend time in the vicinity of uncle Madara?" Sasuke tried again, taking a different tactic.

"You do have a point," Itachi sighed after a moment. Deidara glanced up from his painting, interest peeked by the idea of Itachi speaking negatively of anybody.

"Of course I have a point!" Sasuke pushed. "The guy's an asshole, Itachi! Don't you remember that time we went to stay with him and he shut me outside for the afternoon? And don't you dare say I deserved it, it isn't _my_ fault his stupid fucking cat tried to trip me up."

"The cat wasn't aware it was going to trip you," Itachi chided lightly. "I don't think threatening to throw it out of the window in Madara's earshot was the smartest idea, however."

"The thing's a hellspawn anyway. It would do the world a favour if I poisoned it. I was allergic to it anyway, it kept making me sneeze."

"It was ten years ago, Sasuke," Itachi sighed. "Considering it was an old cat then, I highly doubt it's alive anymore."

"Good. Maybe it's having a party with Satan in the fiery below- though, with an owner like Madara, it's no wonder. The poor thing didn't stand a chance of being normal or, you know, sane."

"I think I want to meet your uncle," Deidara mused. Both Uchiha siblings turned to face him, eyes narrowed in the same identical incredulous way, causing him to shrink back slightly.

"You don't," Itachi warned him. Sasuke nodded his approval.

"Why not?"

"You just don't."

"So when it is again?" Deidara asked, changing the topic quickly to get his boyfriend and his brother to stop looking at him like he was crazy.

"Valentine's Day," Itachi replied. "I could look into hotels in the area if you'd like. We could go there after the wedding reception and spend the night together."

There was a wicked gleam in his eye that Deidara caught immediately, setting his paintbrush down and returning it. Sasuke glanced between and promptly put two fingers into his mouth and pretended to gag, earning a scowl from Deidara and a light tap on the arm from Itachi.

"Aren't you going to invite Naruto along?"

"No," Sasuke replied immediately. "Naruto's a jerk. Why would I invite him?"

"Because he's your boyfriend?" Itachi sighed. "Let me guess- it's off again right now?"

"I told you, he's a jerk."

"You'll be back together next week."

"Not this time."

"You say that every time," Itachi reminded him, a tiny grin on his face. Sasuke and Naruto's relationship was volatile, as expected, and left them breaking up and making up frequently.

"I'm going home," Sasuke snapped sharply. "I'll see you later."

Itachi tapped him on the forehead and guided him to the sofa, shaking his head with a bemused sigh. "No, you're staying for lunch. Deidara, could you give me a hand?"

"You know me," Deidara responded, looking slightly intimidated by the request. "I can't cook, yeah."

"You know how to chop vegetables, don't you? Come on, it'll be quicker if you join me."

"What about Sasuke?"

"He's our guest," Itachi admonished.

"I don't want food poisoning," Sasuke pointed out, glaring at Deidara. Deidara glared straight back, reddening slightly. For once, Sasuke's insult actually had some basis. "Look at what you did to my brother. Really, what possessed you to cook rice and leave it on the side _all day_ to become a breeding ground for bacteria?"

"Leave him alone, Sasuke," Itachi commanded.

"You're defending him when he made you so sick you could barely get out of bed?"

"It was an accident."

"I reckon he intentionally poisoned you," Sasuke muttered, folding his arms and glaring at the artist across the room.

"You guys have known each other for over a year now," Itachi sighed as he headed to the kitchen, exasperation in his tone. "You really could try harder to get along."

"We could..." Deidara began contemplatively.

"But we won't," Sasuke finished flatly.

"How about this weekend we spend an afternoon out together?" Itachi suggested, ignoring the two horrified glances he received for the proposal. "We could go to the seaside."

"In January?"

"Why not?"

"Because it's fucking _snowing_!"

"We can spend the time in the arcades. I fail to see the problem, Sasuke."

"It's official," Sasuke noted after a few dumbstruck moments, where Itachi vanished into the kitchen. "Being with Deidara has finally warped your brain."


	2. Beep Beep All Aboard

"What a pleasant day you picked," Sasuke complained the moment he got out of Itachi's car, wrapping his coat tightly around himself as frigid winds circled them ferociously. The snow had stopped leaving ice to crunch beneath their feet instead, prompting a glare from the younger Uchiha as he almost slipped over on it.

"You could have said no," Itachi told him with a shrug.

"You offered to pay and they have that new game I wanted to play here," Sasuke muttered, glaring at his sibling who returned him a saccharine sweet smile. "You bribed me."

"I did," Itachi admitted. "But we're here now, and we're going to enjoy it. Play nicely you two. And Deidara?"

Deidara glanced over, eyebrow raised in question. Itachi reached over and snatched the sketchbook he had tucked under his arm, opening the car again and putting it inside.

"No sketchbook," he chided. "You can sketch anytime. That isn't what we're here for."

He grabbed one of each of their arms and pulled them across the road to the arcade, despite their protests that they could walk. Once inside he let them go and pulled out his wallet, handing one note to Sasuke and another to Deidara.

"I swear it's like being with two children when you two get anywhere near each other," he told them sharply. "Go enjoy yourselves."

Sasuke immediately vanished to find the game he had wanted, leaving Deidara to attach himself to Itachi's arm and give him a beseeching look.

"Can we leave him here now?" He whispered.

"Follow him," Itachi told him firmly, pointing in the direction Sasuke had gone. "I'm sick of your bickering. I want you to get along if we're going to spend hours in a car together."

"Why do you want to go to the wedding anyway?" Deidara asked as they headed to Sasuke. "You don't know the people. From the sound of it your crazy uncle's going to be there. It's miles away- what's the appeal?"

"My father asked," Itachi replied quietly. "Nagato and Konan are important figures in his company, as is Madara unfortunately. If he shows up with his sons at his side and mixes with the right crowds, it'll look good for him. I'm not going to deny him that."

"I don't understand how that works."

"Family power. I'll explain later."

They joined Sasuke's side, where he was slipping coins into a gun game that was presumably the one he had wanted to try.

"If you want to go draw pictures Deidara, go ahead," Sasuke said airily. "Go on. I won't stop you."

"You are such a little jerk, yeah."

"And you are such a prick," Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes but not looking at the artist.

"I _am_ standing right here."

"Yes, I'm aware. Please move away and stop inhabiting the same space as me."

Deidara growled in disdain, eyes narrowing dangerously. "You _brat_ , Uchiha-"

"Enough!" Itachi interjected, raising his voice slightly. "What's going on between you two lately? You've always been harsh with each other but lately you've been unbearable."

He received two stony silences in response.

"It's because you broke up with Naruto again, isn't it?" Itachi finally spoke up. "You've been snappy for the last couple of weeks now."

Sasuke's cheeks immediately turned scarlet and he haughtily tossed his hair in a manner that suggested Itachi was inferior to him, and thus he didn't have to answer.

"That tells me all I need to know, Sasuke. Thank you. Deidara- stay here."

"What?!"

"Stay here," Itachi repeated, before turning and heading away. Deidara watched him, tempted to follow, but he decided against it and turned his attention to Sasuke's game instead. Eventually, he slipped a coin into the other side, picking up the gun like it was diseased and pointing it tentatively at the screen.

"What do I do?" He asked cautiously.

"Does your lowered IQ rub off on people?" Sasuke asked casually. Deidara shot him a confused yet offended glare. "My brother asked the same thing once. You shoot the zombies. Boom, boom- with the gun, see?"

"I know that much! I mean... How?"

"You pull the trigger," Sasuke responded flatly.

"I know that!"

"Then stop asking stupid questions if you know the answers! Go left, would you?"

Deidara almost took a step to the left in the real world to anger Sasuke, but decided against such actions in case the younger Uchiha thought he was being serious and smacked him round the head with his gun. Instead he pointed at the screen and took aim at the leftmost zombies, managing to miss every single shot he fired.

" _Shoot_ the fucking _zombies_!" Sasuke told him sharply. "Not the space around them!"

"I'm sorry I'm not a superior marksman like _you_ , you little terrorist!"

"It isn't hard! Aim it at their heads or their chest or their fucking _arm_ for all I care, just _shoot them_!"

"I'll shoot _you_ in a second," Deidara growled, aiming the gun in Sasuke's direction and pulling the trigger a few times. Of course it did nothing in actuality, other than annoy Sasuke.

"Please gather the small amount of brain cells you _do_ possess into once space and _shoot_ at the _screen_ , Blondie."

Deidara took some more shots that finally landed when he got his bearings, giving Sasuke a sidelong glare of annoyance. "I haven't done this type of thing before, yeah."

"You learn something new every day," Sasuke marvelled, sarcasm lacing his tone.

They stayed silent, neither of them pointing out that Deidara was a fast learner. Together they made it to the end of the level, Sasuke recounting the tactic for the boss.

"His head is the weak point. You need to aim for-"

Deidara ignored him and set the gun back in the holster, turning and giving Itachi a smile as he returned. His eyes widened when he realised what his partner was holding, looking at him in wonder.

"Cotton candy?"

Itachi held the stick he was holding up. Pink, fluffy strands of spun sugar wrapped around it lightly, taking on the air of crystallised cotton wool. "I presume you like it?"

"Deidara are you going to _help_?" Sasuke asked tetchily from their side. Deidara glared at him and swiped some of the cotton candy off the stick with his fingers, answering an effective no. Itachi sighed and stepped forward, lifting the gun and shooting it towards the screen to help Sasuke without even looking at it. Instead he turned to Deidara, holding out the stick.

"You can take it. I can always go and get more."

"Are you sure?"

"Go ahead," Itachi shrugged, thrusting it forward slightly once more. Deidara reached out and took it, though not before Itachi gave him a tiny smile and leant over to snatch some off the stick.

"Are you aware you're hitting this guy perfectly?" Sasuke asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

"Huh?" Itachi hummed, glancing towards the screen. "Oh. Is it dead yet?"

"How the hell are you hitting him squarely in the head without even _looking_?"

"Practise?" Itachi shrugged with a smirk, watching the boss on the screen collapse and lowering the gun. "I presume that's all you need my help for?"

"You know what? Give me that," Sasuke sighed, snatching the gun from his hand. "I'll just play with both and you two go make out in a cupboard or whatever it is you do."

"Call Naruto," Itachi told him sternly, before finally allowing Deidara to slink away. He followed, leading him to the cafe that was attached to the arcade and ordering them both coffee while Deidara attacked the cotton candy in his hands with vigour. Itachi tore a piece off as well, a small smile on his face at how happy the small gesture seemed to have made his partner.

"About the family power thing," he said, continuing his explanation. "Businesses tend to get passed through family lines, especially in traditional Japanese families. Madara is currently the head of the company but since Nagato is a favourite in the company, it's possible Madara might hand the reins to him when he retires since my uncle has no children of his own." He paused, smirking lightly. "That is a good decision for everyone involved, I must say. Regardless- in order to compete with the potential threat of Nagato, my father will use his familial status instead as leverage to inherit the business."

"Right," Deidara replied, nodding slowly. "So what does you and Sasuke being there mean?"

"It looks good for him. It..." Itachi tailed off, looking uncharacteristically nervous for a moment before he lowered his eyes to the table. "Eventually, the idea is that I would inherit the business. By reminding Madara that our father has sons that could continue to run the company, he might be more inclined to pass it to my father. That, and it would keep it within the Uchiha name."

"But you don't want to do that kind of thing, do you?" Deidara exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at how cagey Itachi had become.

"I can't say it really interests me, no. I don't wish to discuss that side of things, Deidara."

"Why? So you can avoid it until one day you're told you have a business to run?"

"For that to happen my father would have to retire or die," Itachi told him pointedly. "I know which will happen first. He may have cut his hours a little, but he won't ever retire. It's not his style. Besides, it could pass to Sasuke. It would automatically default to me as the eldest of course, but that doesn't mean Sasuke is ineligible."

Deidara sighed heavily, fixing Itachi with a stern look. "I don't like the sound of this, yeah."

"Don't worry about it," Itachi reassured. "It's my burden, not yours."

"And you're my boyfriend. It matters to me just as much."

"There's another matter I should point out," Itachi noted, glossing over Deidara's words. "My father told me something else about the wedding. It doesn't affect you, but it does affect Sasuke and I."

"What is it?"

"Nagato is Japanese. Konan is not, but between them they are combining traditions. Nagato will be dressed in traditional Japanese wedding attire, as will Madara. Since my own heritage is Japanese, I'm expected to wear a kimono and so is Sasuke."

"One of those robe things? The flowy ones with pretty patterns that look like really fancy girls dresses?"

"No Deidara," Itachi sighed heavily. "Male ones are generally quite plain compared."

"Oh. I bet you'll look great in it, yeah."

"Thank you," Itachi murmured, giving him a small smile as Sasuke approached their table. He seemed to have brightened up, which led to Itachi shooting him a knowing smile.

"You spoke to Naruto?"

"Yeah, yeah. So did you, apparently."

"Oh?" Itachi said innocently. "Did I?"

"He said you called him about five minutes ago."

"Hmm. Maybe I did, then. I hear you were the cause of the argument, as usual. You really have to start keeping your temper in check, Sasuke. One of these days you'll throw him out and he won't come back again."

"Whatever," Sasuke muttered. "Don't lecture me. We're seeing each other tonight."

Itachi smirked, rising to a stand and beckoning for the other two to follow. "We're here to have fun," he reasoned. "Shall we?"

They made their way towards the main arcade once more before Deidara became distracted, heading straight for something that was beeping at them from near the entrance. It was a child's sized ride labelled the Playbus, painted in neon colours and rocking backwards and forwards merrily to entice people to ride it.

"It's for children," Itachi pointed out. Deidara promptly ignored him and jumped straight into the back compartment, managing to just about fit inside while hunched over. Unable to resist, Sasuke stepped forward and slipped a few coins in to get the machine going. Music began to play and the machine rocked back and forth, which only enticed Deidara to hoot with glee and stay right where he was to enjoy the ride.

"You realise your boyfriend's a moron?" Sasuke mused as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

"I'm aware," Itachi muttered, looking anywhere _but_ Deidara or the Playbus.

"Good good," Sasuke nodded, snapping a couple of photos while Deidara posed happily for them. "I'll get these on Facebook later then so everybody realises it as well."

"I'm going to go over here," Itachi replied with a heavy sigh, indicating behind him at absolutely nothing before practically running away from them both. Sasuke snickered as he did so, eyeing the rocking Playbus for a moment before discarding his own pride and jumping into the back with Deidara.

"There's no room!" Deidara shrieked.

"Then make room!"

"Hey! Stop shoving me!"

From his safe distance, Itachi pulled his own phone from his pocket and aimed at them both to snap a shot with a tiny grin on his face. Once he had a couple of discreet photos, he turned his attention to... Well, anything else at all that wasn't his partner and his brother making fools of themselves.

"Come and play that game with me again," he heard Sasuke say a minute or so later, sounding closer than he should be. Itachi deemed it safe to turn back, noticing the ride had stopped and they were both walking towards him.

Deidara raised one eyebrow slowly in question and said nothing.

"Are you deaf as well as dumb, Blondie? Follow me."

"Why should I?"

"Just do it!"

Itachi gently nudged Deidara and shoved him after Sasuke, earning muttering and growling from his partner in return.

"If he asked you to join him he has to be in a good mood," he hissed to him. "Take advantage!"

"Alright, you're on Uchiha," Deidara exclaimed moments later, jogging to catch up to Sasuke. "And I'm going to kick your _ass_ , just you watch!"

Itachi watched them banter from a few paces behind, a small smile on his face. Even if they were both verbally abusing one another, the stance they had fallen in to as they walked could only be labelled as that of two begrudging friends.


	3. We're Not Lost, We're On An Adventure

Following a few mishaps regarding clothes shopping for the wedding, Itachi was rather pleased that the day they were due to leave had finally arrived. It had taken quite a lot of convincing to get Deidara to wear a suit- when left to his own devices, the artist had tried two different styles before Itachi had stepped in to explain neither were suitable. While Deidara was perfectly happy to attend a wedding dressed like (in Itachi's words) 'a 1980's disco reject with an idolisation of David Bowie', Itachi wasn't going to let him. Nor was he going to allow him to turn up dressed in full Victorian era clothing, complete with top hat and cravat.

Standing on the pavement outside of his home, Itachi had to wonder why he didn't just buy them all train tickets instead. Sasuke had packed his one single holdall into the boot ten minutes prior, as had Itachi, while Deidara stood with his suitcase in his hands muttering to himself about items he might have forgotten.

"Blondie, we're only gone for a couple of days," Sasuke finally snapped. "Put your suitcase in the boot and get in the car so we can finally get going, would you?"

"I'm thinking!" Deidara snapped.

"Well think faster!"

"What a wonderful journey we're going to have," Itachi sighed. "He has a point, Deidara. You have your suit and some spare changes of clothes- you're fine."

Deidara finally put the suitcase in the boot, turning to Itachi with a curious look on his face. "Why aren't we using the sat nav again?"

"Because it's broken," Itachi replied with an offhanded shrug. "We'll have to do it the old fashioned way with a map."

"Can't we just try without it?"

"Without the map? How do you expect me to find my way to somewhere I've never been without a map?"

"Road signs, yeah."

"A map would be easier, Deidara."

"This map?" Deidara asked as he opened the passenger door, swiping a folded map from his seat where Itachi had put it moments earlier for safe keeping.

"That's the one. Give it to Sasuke, please."

Sasuke held his hand out in anticipation of receiving it, but Deidara grinned and shook his head before ripping the map into tiny pieces. He threw them up into the air, letting them rain down on them all like confetti.

"Let's have an adventure," he laughed.

Itachi stared at him for a few long moments in disbelief before glaring at him and losing his temper immediately. "Deidara, you _idiot_! What did you do that for?!"

"I told you, yeah. This is the best time for an adventure! You'd be boring and follow that map the whole way-"

"So we don't get _lost_!"

"-shush shush, anyway, you'd follow it and it would be the most boring road trip ever. I'm just livening things up! Don't you think it would be more fun to try and read the signs and explore places along the way?"

"Not when the wedding is _tomorrow_ and I was planning on getting us to the hotel tonight! I can't _believe_ you just did that- oh wait, no, I can, because you're a moron with no common sense-"

"Guys," Sasuke interrupted, glancing between the two of them as they glared at each other angrily. "Can you stop having a domestic at the side of the road? We haven't even left yet and I don't want you sniping at each other the whole way."

"Get fucked, Uchiha."

"Don't speak to my brother like that, Deidara!"

"He gives as good as he gets, yeah."

"He gave a perfectly reasonable request-"

"Both of you!" Sasuke cut in again. "Deidara, get in the passenger seat. Itachi, get in the driver's seat. I'm sure we'll be just fine without the map. The idiot has a point about road signs."

Deidara looked positively smug as he slipped into the passenger seat. Itachi glared at him once more for good measure before getting into the driver's side, taking a deep breath to calm himself before he started the car.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he muttered to Deidara. "It takes a lot to have me lose my temper and you managed it in one simple movement."

"I'm just that awesome," Deidara mock-preened, leaning across to kiss Itachi on the cheek lightly. "Now come on, let's go adventuring."

"I don't know what I prefer," Sasuke intoned from the back seat. "On one hand watching you fight is annoying, but on the other watching you get all sappy is just as bad."

"So why isn't Naruto attending, Sasuke?" Itachi asked quickly, cutting the line of conversation dead before it could escalate.

"He doesn't travel well. Plus do you really think introducing _both_ of our boyfriends to the collective family and business people is a good idea at the same time?"

"I don't see why it would make a difference."

"It shouldn't, but it might."

"So what you're saying is you told him not to," Deidara observed. The glare Sasuke gave the back of his seat confirmed that line of thought.

"Sasuke, that wasn't very nice," Itachi admonished.

"He doesn't travel well!" Sasuke repeated. "Do you really want him to get sick all over your car?"

"It would be no worse than travelling with you as a child," Itachi quipped with a tiny grin, which widened when he noticed Sasuke turn red in the rear view mirror. "Have you even told our parents about him yet?"

"Why should I? It's none of their business."

"Right. You realise they're expecting grandkids from you, right?"

"Kids?" Sasuke repeated, looking mildly appalled. "Fuck that. I don't want kids."

"My sentiments exactly," Deidara muttered in agreement. "At least we can agree on something, right Uchiha?"

"You don't think it would be nice?" Itachi asked, glancing across to Deidara with one eyebrow raised.

"Itachi love, I don't really want to break this to you, but you realise that neither of us can have a baby, don't you?" Deidara pointed out.

Itachi glared at him for a quick moment before putting his focus back on the road. "I know that! I mean... It's just a nice idea."

"No it's a terrible idea, and you should never think about it ever again, yeah."

"Actually you have a point," Itachi mused. "It would probably choke on a paintbrush before its first birthday."

"Your biological clock is ticking already, eh?" Sasuke snickered in the back seat. "You're twenty two now, right? That's a bit early to want to settle down."

"Technically I _am_ settled down," Itachi pointed out. "I'm in a stable relationship with a roof over our heads and a potential career in the works. What more could I ask for?"

"What are you planning on doing when you leave, anyway?" Sasuke asked curiously. "You never said _why_ you were so interested in geography."

"I want to teach it," Itachi said simply.

"You, a teacher?"

"Why not? Do you disagree? I have the patience for it, at least. It just means I need to go to University to continue my qualifications, but that's fine."

"I suppose you're right," Sasuke finally shrugged. "I just didn't expect that."

"I didn't expect you to want to go into biochemistry," Itachi pointed out.

"Aim high," Sasuke smirked. "Unlike _someone_ in this car, I actually have ambitions."

"Jog on, Uchiha. I have ambitions, yeah. They just include a canvas and colours instead of chemicals and drugs or whatever it is you want to do."

"Cure cancer. What do _you_ want to do? Oh wait- you want to paint pretty pictures of cats and bunny rabbits. Have you ever looked into becoming a classroom assistant? For primary school classes, perhaps?"

"I do believe that picture of a Skyline Deidara painted for you hangs pride of place in your living room," Itachi pointed out lightly, earning a chuckle from Deidara and a glare from Sasuke.

Itachi took the moment to flick the radio on and hopefully drown out any further bickering with it. Of course, he should have known better.

"What station is that set on? Classic FM or something?" Sasuke asked, clearly not amused. "Could you be any more of a stereotype, Itachi?"

"What on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're boring, and your music tastes are boring to go with it."

"Actually Deidara set the radio," Itachi replied, glancing at Deidara with an amused grin. "Would you object to changing it?"

"You know as well as I do it's only set to that because your foot caught it a couple of days ago when we-"

"Enough," Itachi hissed quickly. "Just change it."

"Thanks for that," Sasuke muttered, suddenly looking very uncomfortable in his seat as he glanced around the car. "I need a shower now. Or some acid to burn my skin off, that would work fine too."

-.-.-

Itachi knew the journey was going to be problematic. He knew Deidara and Sasuke would most likely argue. He knew he'd probably want to tear his hair out before they were even halfway done. However, he hadn't factored in the possibility that he would be completing this journey essentially blind. He'd managed to get them out of the area with little difficulty, but they were now cruising along a motorway that he had absolutely no idea how to get off of. He kept a steady eye on the road signs as they passed them, hoping he would spot the one he needed soon. It would be signposted- it had to be. Everywhere vital was- that was the point of sign posts, right?

Either way, he was going to kick Deidara out if he continued his endless flicking of radio stations. Apparently he'd become bored of the generic pop station they'd finally settled on, and was attempting to find something else to amuse them with.

"Leave it," he finally requested. "Just leave it on this channel."

Deidara sulked, folding his arms and leaning back in the chair with an irritated huff. "I'm bored, yeah."

"Then get your sketchbook out."

"I packed it away in my suitcase."

"Then take it out when we stop next."

"Can we stop then?" Deidara asked, his voice bordering whiny.

"I can't- we're on a motorway, and I doubt 'my boyfriend wanted his sketchbook' constitutes an emergency worth stopping on the hard shoulder for."

"Then stop at services. You said you'd stop if we asked, yeah."

"I meant for a legitimate reason."

"Okay... Then I'm hungry. Let's get food."

"Liar," Sasuke interjected from the back seat.

"I don't care," Itachi sighed. "If getting him his sketchbook stops him messing with the radio, then fine- I'll do it."

He kept his word and pulled in at the next services, parking the car and jumping out. He opened the boot for Deidara, who rummaged through his suitcase with glee.

"I'm going to get some bottled water," Itachi told him. "Are you coming in?"

"No."

"Alright. I won't be long- do you want anything?"

"No, no. I'm fine, yeah."

"I thought you were supposed to be hungry."

"Oh. Then get me a sandwich or something."

Itachi sighed heavily and tapped on the back window, gaining Sasuke's attention. The younger Uchiha decided to go inside with his brother, leaving Deidara alone with the car. Of course, Deidara processed this piece of information with glee and quickly formulated a plan in his head at what he could do in their absence. He continued to look through his suitcase, pulling out a couple of artistic props he had never expected to have a need to use.

He hummed the theme to Mission Impossible as he opened the bonnet of the car. Smirking to himself, he quickly vandalised what he intended before slamming it back down again. The first step in place, he opened a tube of blue paint and squeezed the contents on the windscreen. He was just putting the finishing touches to his masterpiece when he heard steadily increasing footsteps approaching behind him. He stopped attempting to make patterns with the paint and quickly emptied the rest of the tube carelessly across the glass.

"Deidara!" Itachi called, breaking into a full out run to reach the side of his car. Deidara attempted to look innocent despite the blue paint on his hands. Sasuke glanced between them and simply got into the back of the car, stifling laughter as he did so. "What are you _doing_?"

"Painting?" Deidara attempted to reason, giving his boyfriend his best smile and hiding his hands behind his back.

"Are you incapable of behaving like an adult?" Itachi sighed, eyeing his decorated windscreen. He opened the car door, leaning in to flick the water spray switch to clean it off. Deidara attempted to smother his laughter when bubbles shot up instead, leaving Itachi to blink a few times in confusion and disbelief.

"Bubbles?" He remarked slowly, watching the soapy creations float through the air. "Deidara- you- _why_?" He finally settled on saying, leaning against the car door with another frustrated sigh and running a hand through his hair.

"Don't you like it?" Deidara asked casually, pulling the empty children's bubble pot from his pocket. "It's creativity at its best- completely unprompted!"

"It's _stupidity_ at its best," Itachi argued, glaring at him. "I'm not stopping again, hear me? You'd better make use of the time here. Get that paint off your hands before you touch my car!"

Deidara pulled his hand back from the handle he had been about to touch as if it was on fire. "Aren't we hours away?"

"Unfortunately. I don't care- I'm not risking leaving you alone again."

"Maybe you should handcuff me to you," Deidara replied coyly.

"I could handcuff you to the car," Itachi replied, looking contemplative. Deidara noted that he actually seemed _serious_ , quickly fleeing and leaving Itachi to stare at his car in disbelief again.

"Why am I dating you?" He mused out loud to himself as he emptied the bottle of water he'd just bought over his windscreen, turning the wipers on and standing aside as they flicked watery blue paint to the floor. " _Why_?"

"Because you're masochistic," Sasuke called to him out of the window.

"Rather than laughing, perhaps you could help me?"

"Your boyfriend, your problem," Sasuke shrugged.

"And I could always leave you stranded here, little brother."

That prompted Sasuke to move pretty quickly, growling in annoyance about idiots and paint as he attempted to help clean the windscreen. Between them they managed it quickly, heading back inside to wash their hands free of paint.

Of all of the things either of them expected when they pushed open the bathroom door, Deidara standing on the sink counter attaching googly eyes carefully to the top of the long mirror on the wall was _not_ it.

"Deidara!" Itachi called, causing the man in question to jump and nearly lose his footing. "Get down!"

"I'm decorating, yeah."

"I can see that. Remove them and get down."

"You're no fun at all," Deidara sulked as he begrudgingly got down, ignoring the part where he had been told to remove the eyes. "This is supposed to be an adventure!"

"No, it's a nightmare," Itachi argued as he rinsed his hands free of paint. "Get out to the car and behave like the adult you're supposed to be, before I lose my mind."

Once back in the car, they had only been back on the road for about twenty minutes before Deidara glanced up from his sketchbook sheepishly. "Itachi?"

"What is it?" Itachi asked. He'd been quite enjoying the ambience of the car, with only the radio on low and most importantly, no fighting.

"I kind of maybe forgot to go to the bathroom, yeah. Can we stop?"

"Are you serious? But you were right _there_!"

"I got distracted!"

"He said he wasn't stopping again," Sasuke smirked. "Bad luck, Blondie."

"What?!" Deidara cried. "That's not fair!"

"No, I'll stop," Itachi replied with a heavy sigh. "Promise me you won't vandalise anything or stick googly eyes to things, or anything else ridiculous?"

"I promise, Itachi," Deidara replied solemnly. "You can trust me, right?"

-.-.-

"I thought you told me I could trust you!"

"Hey, stop pulling me! I'm not done!"

"I don't care. You've been gone nearly fifteen minutes and I come in to find it's because you're vandalising things again! You promised me, Deidara!"

"It's not vandalism, yeah. It's redecorating."

"Drawing in posters with markers is vandalism. Come back to the car and we're going to get some distance behind us, hear me?"

-.-.-

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Deidara."

"When will we be there?"

"I don't know. Asking me won't make it any faster."

"So... You'll tell me when we're almost there?"

"Itachi, I swear if you don't shut him the fuck up _now_ I'm going to jump out of this car even though we're on a motorway."

-.-.-

"...give me a siiiiiiiiiign... hit me baby one more timeeeeeeee..."

"Stop singing, Blondie."

"Bite me, Uchiha. I'm so bored, yeah. Huh... Itachi, why do you look so annoyed?"

"I'm suppressing the overwhelming desire to crash the car headfirst into a wall."

"...Oh."

-.-.-

"Deidara, if I pull into the next services are you capable of behaving like an adult and staying out of mischief?"

"What are you implying?"

"I'm implying that the first time we stopped you filled my car's water supply with bubbles and painted my windscreen, then decorated the bathroom in googly eyes. The second time I had to come and stop you from vandalising-"

"I get it, yeah. So the answer is obviously no, if we stop then I'll do something destructive out of boredom. Is that a problem?"

"...You know what, I'm just going to skip the services. Let me know if either of you want me to stop in future because otherwise I'm not going to put myself through that again."

-.-.-

"We need to play a game, yeah. How about I Spy?"

"How about no?"

"I wasn't _asking_ , Uchiha. I was saying we should. I spy with my little eye something beginning with... C."

"I guarantee the choice word I'm thinking of right now isn't what you were expecting."

"Oh? Try me!"

"No, Sasuke. Deidara, you don't want to know."

"Fine, fine. So do either of you know?"

"Of course you fucking idiot, it's a car! We're on a motorway- it's not going to be anything else!"

"Right, Sasuke! Your turn, yeah."

"Alright. I spy with my little- oh wait no, I'm not playing this stupid game. How about a joke? How do you keep a blond busy? Write 'please turn over' on a both sides of a piece of paper."

"You little _jerk_!"

"Now, now. Enough, Sasuke."

"Aw Itachi, don't spoil my fun!"

-.-.-

"Hey, Itachi?"

"Mm?" Itachi murmured, glancing to the side. Deidara was looking at him curiously as he flicked sweet wrappers onto the floor of the car. "Stop trashing my car."

"You have no idea where we are, do you?"

Itachi really wanted to answer that yes, he knew exactly where they were but that would be a lie. He'd managed to follow the motorway successfully for the vast majority of the journey, but the moment they'd switched to back roads and dual carriageways he'd begun to lose track. One missed sign was enough- he'd spent the next three quarters of an hour driving around in the vague hope he would see another sign that was of use to him. So far, he had found nothing.

"You're right," he admitted. "If you hadn't torn my map up, I'd know exactly where we were."

"So what shall we do? We've been on the road for ages- you really should take a break, yeah."

"Probably, but I know we're close," Itachi reasoned. "I turned off the motorway in the right place. There's going to be a sign somewhere, and we can rest at the hotel."

"Sasuke's asleep already," Deidara pointed out. "It's gone ten at night now. You really should stop."

"Where? I have no idea where we are, remember?"

"At the side of the road," Deidara replied with a heavy sigh that indicated Itachi was an idiot for not thinking of something so obvious. "We're not on a motorway- we're on some quiet backstreet. I haven't seen another car in at least fifteen minutes."

"That does not bode well for us," Itachi reasoned, but he took the hint and pulled over anyway. He kept the headlights on and shifted the car as far as possible off the side of the road, shutting the engine off and tilting his head back with a soft sigh as he closed his eyes.

"Maybe we could sleep in the car," Deidara suggested. "Then we'll have the light tomorrow, and we could ask for directions from people."

"Sleep in the car?" Itachi echoed incredulously.

"You're telling me you've never slept in a car before?" Deidara asked, seemingly genuinely horrified at that thought.

"No."

"How about camping? You ever been camping?"

"No."

Deidara continued to stare at him in disbelief. "Never slept on a park bench because you were so drunk you couldn't walk home?"

"No, Deidara."

"That's how I spent my time in Europe," Deidara shrugged.

"Drunk on park benches?" Itachi asked, giving him a good natured smile that said he was joking.

"No, sleeping rough," Deidara sighed mock-irritably. "I used to take overnight trains a lot so I could sleep on them. If I ended up in an actual hotel it was a good night. I just didn't have the money to put a roof over my head all the time."

"I'm sorry you had to live like that."

"It was pretty fun," Deidara shrugged, giving him a grin. "Don't you think the idea is nice? Becoming part of the canvas of nature, being painted on by the sunrise and your surroundings when you awake?"

"Despite the fancy metaphor, it isn't as nice as waking up in bed."

"You have no sense of fun," Deidara chided, looking a touch sulky.

"Apparently not which is why we are here in the first place, is it not?"

"You have a good point, yeah. So- catch some sleep, continue in the morning?"

"I suppose," Itachi finally relented, glancing at Sasuke in the back seat. He was sitting with his head against the window, which Itachi just knew would lead to him aching in the morning if he stayed that way. "None of us are going to be very comfortable, though."

"We'll find the hotel early tomorrow and get some more rest there, yeah. Make sure you leave a window open half an inch. Sleep well, okay?"

"I probably won't," Itachi sighed, but he had to smile when Deidara leaned over and gave him a tender kiss goodnight. He opened the window slightly as instructed, torn between waking Sasuke and telling him to lay across the back seat for comfort, or just letting him sleep. He eventually decided on the latter- his brother would get the hint if he awoke, hopefully. Reclining the chair back slightly, he flicked the headlights off and resigned himself to the most uncomfortable night's sleep he might ever have.


	4. The Uchiha Effect

The first thing Itachi was aware of when he awoke was just how sore he felt. The second was that he was _freezing_ , and the third was that the sun was rising and reflecting right in his face. He shielded himself with one hand and closed his eyes again, turning to the side before opening them again. Both Deidara and Sasuke were still asleep- the latter had laid across the back seats in the night, too.

He slipped out of the car and closed the door as quietly as he could, leaning against the side of it and attempting to wake up a little better. The chill in the air was unbearable, causing him to shiver and retrieve a bottle of water from the boot as he had planned before jumping straight back into the car once more and switching the heat on.

Deidara stirred at the noise and feel of the heater, glancing over to Itachi sleepily before smiling softly. "Hey. Sleep well?"

"Not really. Was I supposed to?"

"You can't say it isn't a lovely sight to wake up to, yeah. Look out there. It's beautiful," Deidara argued, gesturing to the sunrise before them. "That beats waking up in a bed under a boring old roof any day."

"That would be warmer at least. I'm absolutely freezing- it feels sub zero out there."

"Itachi?" Deidara murmured, leaning across to him. "Happy Valentine's Day. I know you don't think this is the most romantic setting, but I think it is."

Itachi gave him a smile and accepted the offered kiss, putting one hand to the side of Deidara's face affectionately. "Thank you. Happy Valentine's Day to you, too."

"I see your brother got the best end of the deal," Deidara pointed out as Itachi lowered his hand, indicating Sasuke who looked pretty comfortable across the seats as he still slept.

"I'm going to be shattered by tonight," Itachi sighed deeply. "You're going to have to keep me from falling asleep in my celebratory champagne."

"There will be alcohol?" Deidara asked, eyes lighting up.

"Of course. That does not give you free reign to get horribly drunk, because if you show me up I will kick you out. You have been forewarned."

"Kick me out of the wedding or out of the house?" Deidara asked cheekily.

"Both," Itachi told him sternly, before switching the engine on and rubbing at his eyes to wake himself up more. "Let's go and find some civilisation, shall we?"

-.-.-

Through more luck than judgement they found a supermarket and bought a local map of the area. Said map was immediately passed to Sasuke's possession, and they found themselves finally parking up outside their hotel a little over an hour later. Approximately twelve hours later than planned, Itachi walked up to the reception desk and gave the girl behind the counter a pleasant smile.

"I have a reservation in the name of Uchiha, please."

The girl nodded and tapped in the name on her computer, frowning in distaste a moment later. "You were supposed to check in last night, Mr. Uchiha," she intoned sharply.

"I'm aware of that madam, but we were delayed. I offer you my sincerest apologies."

"The room was empty all night," she continued, still sounding displeased.

"I have every intention of paying for it. My reservation was for three nights, of which we will still be using the room for two. I hope that it isn't too much of an inconvenience."

"It's fascinating," Deidara whispered to Sasuke. "How does he manage to sound so polite yet so threatening at the same time?"

"It's an Uchiha thing," Sasuke explained with a smirk. "We get our own way, no questions asked."

Itachi waved the key for the room at them not long after, indicating for them to follow as he led them in the right direction for the room. They were on the ground floor much to their shared delight, not far from the entrance. Itachi opened the door and promptly collapsed onto the double bed with a sigh of joy, closing his eyes and covering his eyes with one hand.

"Can I just stay here all day?" He asked.

"If you want to get some more sleep then do it now," Sasuke suggested. "I'm going to find the restaurant and get some breakfast. Coming, Blondie?"

"Sure," Deidara shrugged. "Sleep well, Itachi."

He swiped the key from the side where Itachi had left it, exiting the room with Sasuke behind him moments later. As the door closed, Itachi finally processed what had just happened- Sasuke and Deidara had gone to _willingly_ share breakfast. He wouldn't have believed it had he not just seen it with his own eyes. Smirking to himself, he kicked his shoes off and clambered under the covers. It left him to finally get some comfortable sleep in peace, at least, and that was all he cared for right then.

-.-.-

Itachi awoke to Deidara curling up to his side, giving him a smile and a gentle peck on the cheek. "Afternoon," he whispered softly. "It's about time you got up- it's just gone midday."

"What?!" Itachi cried, sitting upright immediately and nearly sending Deidara, who was leaning partly across his chest, flying with the action. "The wedding's in three hours!"

"Mum and Dad called," Sasuke told him from his spot on the windowsill across the room, looking bored. "They said Madara will be here in about half an hour to take us to his place. They're going to help dress the reception hall and will be tied up until the service, and he has our kimono."

"Madara?" Itachi sighed, looking unimpressed as he slipped out of the bed. "I was hoping to avoid him."

"Me too, but you know Mum. She had to offer her services, and who would turn down help on their wedding day? Konan was thrilled."

Itachi sighed again and headed off to shower as quickly as possible, dressed and presentable in a record fifteen minutes. He hesitated over his wet hair with distaste, knowing he wouldn't have time to dry it, opting to tie it up into a bun instead to keep it off of his back. Both Deidara and Sasuke snickered at him, though Deidara had the decency to keep his opinions to himself.

"You look like a girl," Sasuke teased, not showing as much restraint.

"Madara better have a hairdryer," Itachi growled at him, but he soon forgave him when he discovered his brother had gone to the restaurant and picked him up a sandwich for breakfast while he had been busy.

They made it outside with five minutes to spare, only to find Uchiha Madara was already waiting for them. He was parked right outside the hotel in the no parking bay in a silver four-seat convertible BMW- despite it being the middle of February, he had the roof down and designer shades covering his eyes.

"Boys," he nodded to them. "Hop in."

Itachi quickly scrambled to get into the back seat with Deidara, earning a scowl from Sasuke as he got in the front seat begrudgingly.

"Cheer up Sasuke!" Madara told him. "Anyone would think you were going to a funeral!"

"Has your cat died yet?" Sasuke returned sharply.

"Suki? Alas, she died a few years ago now. I know how _fond_ of her you always were."

"It's a shame," Sasuke intoned. "I was looking forward to poisoning her."

"You're a caustic little brat still I see," Madara sighed as he pulled away and set them on route, doing what Itachi knew was way over the speed limit for such an area. "How about you, Itachi? Aren't you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?"

"This is Deidara," Itachi replied, indicating his partner who looked as though he wanted to be cowering into his chair. Presumably his parents had filled his uncle in on the status of his relationship.

"Always knew you'd turn out to be gay," Madara observed. "Fugaku tells me you were never interested in girls as a teenager."

"I wasn't interested in _anybody_ ," Itachi pointed out, keeping his tone neutral. "And if you must know, I'm bisexual."

"You still suck cock, don't you? That's all that matters. Pleasure to meet you, Deidara."

"Hi," Deidara squeaked as Itachi attempted to hide his reddened cheeks behind his hands.

Madara finally kept his mouth shut and silent for the rest of the rather short journey, pulling up outside of a bungalow in a cul-de-sac that looked like it wouldn't be out of place in an advert. All the lawns were cut, all the windows were clean and all the paintwork was fresh and tidy. The area screamed of expense, but then again so did Madara.

"Make yourselves at home," he told them as he led them through the front door. "Kitchen's to the right, bathroom's to the left, my bedroom is out of bounds and your kimono are in the living room which is right in front of you."

He vanished down the hall and into his bedroom, pulling the door closed behind him and leaving three bewildered young adults standing in the hallway. A furry head poked itself around the living room doorway, meowing softly at the new arrivals.

"He got another cat," Sasuke sighed heavily before turning to the chocolate tabby. "Fuck off, go on. I don't want to spend the entire service sneezing and being unable to breath because of you."

Predictably, the cat didn't move and purred in delight when Deidara scooped it up into his arms. "Hello there," he cooed as he scratched behind one of its ears. "Aren't you a pretty kitty? Aren't you a pretty kitty, yes you are!"

"Careful Blondie," Sasuke warned. "You're making yourself like dumber than usu- that fucking thing has been on my kimono!"

He stalked over to the kimono in question, which had some telltale hairs on the black material. Itachi sighed heavily and took it from Sasuke, brushing the hairs off and handing it back.

"There, all better," he soothed. "The cat didn't realise it was doing wrong, Sasuke. Stop glaring at it like that."

"I'm glaring at Deidara. The cat just happens to be attached to him."

Itachi decided that he would much rather be anywhere else but that room right then, heading for Madara's room and tentatively knocking the door despite his earlier warning about it being out of bounds.

"Enter."

He pushed the door open to find Madara sitting on the bed with a laptop, which he promptly snapped shut as he gave Itachi a smile. "Business," he sighed. "It still gets me even on my day off. What can I do for you?"

"I don't suppose you have a hairdryer I could borrow, do you?" Itachi asked sheepishly. Madara studied him for a moment with a comical twinkle in his eye, getting up and retrieving one from a drawer to hand to Itachi.

"Is Sasuke getting along nicely with Miya?"

"If you mean your cat then no, I can't say he was pleased to see her."

"Make sure he doesn't kill her please. It would be awfully inconvenient- I have too much to do today and I'd rather not have to bury her on top of that, thank you. Now shoo, I'm busy. Will you need help with the kimono?"

"No thank you," Itachi said hurriedly, pulling the door closed behind him and heading to finally dry his hair. With that task out of the way, he set about examining the kimono to work out how to put it on.

Truth be told, he had absolutely no idea. Sasuke looked equally confused while Deidara was playing with Miya quite happily in the corner, safe in the knowledge that he was perfectly capable of putting a suit on.

"So how does it fold over?" Sasuke mused as he and Itachi studied their kimono. They were both black with gold, red and yellow decorations- Sasuke's had dragons and Itachi's had koi fish.

"If I knew, Sasuke, I wouldn't be standing here looking as confused as you do," Itachi replied, wondering if it was too late to ask for Madara's help again. Pride won over so he slipped the kimono on deftly, looking at Sasuke for help.

"I don't know!" Sasuke protested. "Deidara!"

Deidara glanced over, making his way to them when Itachi beckoned. He realised immediately what Itachi wanted and frowned, shaking his head.

"You expect me to know how to tie it?"

"Just try," Itachi urged.

Deidara shrugged and got to work, folding and tying and attempting to work out what on earth he was doing while Itachi patiently weathered it. Sasuke, in the meantime, had slipped his own kimono on and sensibly asked Madara to tie it for him. Itachi knew what a blow to his sibling's pride that would be, but he also knew Sasuke wanted it done reasonably. Neither Deidara nor himself could give such a thing.

By the time Sasuke arrived back looking formal and stunning, Deidara had barely got anywhere with Itachi's kimono. The one thing he had managed Sasuke immediately shook his head at, snatching the folds of material out of Deidara's hands.

"No. Madara said that you only fold it that way if you're burying someone," he explained. "Here, let me do it."

Deidara, who had been quite enjoying his attempts even if Itachi had steadily become more annoyed with it, skulked off to play with Miya once more. Sasuke quickly and expertly folded and tied the kimono, earning a wince from his elder brother.

"Does it have to be so tight?"

"Yes. That's how it works," Sasuke sighed as he grabbed the matching kaku obi from the sofa and slipped it around Itachi's waist, tightening up so hard Itachi gasped for air and attempted to batter him off. "Stop fussing!"

"Stop suffocating me then!"

"Oh be quiet. Look, it's done now. It suits you, you know."

"It really is tight, Sasuke."

"That's how it's _supposed to be_ , for the second time. Oi, Blondie- come take a look at your boyfriend."

Deidara gladly did so, standing before Itachi with admiration in his eyes as he trailed his eyes up and down. Itachi's hair was still loose around his shoulders, his eyes sharp and narrowed in discomfort as he irritably brushed it away onto his back.

"It looks good," Deidara agreed with a nod.

"It's too _tight_ ," Itachi complained once more, tugging on the kaku obi to try and loosen it.

"Itachi."

Itachi glanced over to the doorway, seeing Madara already dressed in his own crimson and gold kimono- bold colours for a male, but Itachi didn't expect any less. Madara shooed Deidara and Sasuke with one hand, closing the door once they had exited the room and stepping behind Itachi with a soft sigh.

"It's supposed to be tight," he chided as he untied the kaku obi. "But I'll see what I can do."

"Sasuke and Deidara had to leave for that?" Itachi asked, immediately knowing there was an ulterior motive for his uncle's sudden kindness.

"No, they had to leave so I could talk to you in private of course. Itachi- I'm sure we both know why you're here today. You don't know Nagato and Konan, yet you're attending their wedding. Fugaku got you an invite, didn't he?"

"I don't know. All I know is one arrived, and I accepted it."

"Right. So he talked you into it over the phone? I'm not a fool, Itachi. I know this is related to the company."

"You'll have to speak to my father about that," Itachi said smoothly- he refused to be dragged into the conversation. Madara, however, was insistent.

"If it passes to him, you realise that one day it will pass to you? How does that make you feel?"

Itachi had no reply for that, desperately thinking fast in an attempt to say _something_ in reply that wasn't simply 'I hate the idea'. "I don't know," he finally replied. "It's a difficult thing to imagine, since it's so far removed from my current life. I don't think I can imagine how it would feel without actually feeling it."

"How would Deidara react, do you think? What does he do?"

"He's an artist."

"Hmm," Madara hummed, sounding disapproving. Itachi expected no less from a successful business man with a solid career. "I see. I never saw the fancy of such fickle areas of study, but if that's what he enjoys then so be it."

"He's very good at it," Itachi told him quickly, feeling defensive of his boyfriend.

"My other dilemma, Itachi," Madara continued, completely ignoring Itachi's comment. "Is that considering the nature of your relationship, it is unlikely you will have children. Of course you are young, and one day you may marry a woman who bears children, but I can't rely on that considering the whimsical nature of youngsters today. How about Sasuke?"

"Sasuke hates children," Itachi responded quietly. He wasn't going to reveal Sasuke's own relationship, nor was he going to pass the burden of business to him willingly either.

"I see," Madara muttered shortly as he set about retying Itachi's kimono. "Fugaku cut his hours in the last few months. Why is that?"

"He wanted more time for Sasuke and I."

Madara didn't respond, still tying and folding the kimono. When he slipped the kaku obi around his waist and tightened it, Itachi could swear it was actually _tighter_ than before.

"Better?"

"Not rea-"

"Good, good. Now go and tell Deidara to stop terrorising my cat and get changed."

Itachi dropped the issue and gladly slipped out of the room, almost bumping into Deidara in the hall. He was already changed into his smart black suit, grinning and cuddling Miya in his arms much to Sasuke's distaste.

"You've got hairs all over it," Itachi chided as he pried the cat from his partner's arms, setting her onto the floor and brushing down the front of Deidara's suit.

"You aren't going to say how great I look?" Deidara asked cheekily.

"You look incredible," Itachi murmured, giving him a quick smile before continuing with the task at hand. "I'm glad we have tomorrow together. You'll have to wear it again for me."

"You like a man in uniform, eh?"

"It's hardly a uniform."

"Shush, you'll ruin the moment," Deidara whispered with a chuckle. "For what it's worth, you look stunning. Are you going to leave your hair down?"

Itachi hesitated, one hand brushing through his loose ebony locks quickly. "Do you like it?"

"Yes. It looks good, yeah."

"Then I suppose I can leave it," Itachi smiled, giving Deidara a soft kiss. Deidara returned it and linked his hand into Itachi's, giving him another smile that spoke of a thousand unsaid compliments.

"Are you two done being sappy?" Sasuke sighed impatiently from their side.

"Agreed," Madara noted from the living room doorway. "We're leaving in two minutes, so any last minute dashes to fix your hair or makeup or whatever need to be done now."

"You're hilarious," Sasuke intoned. "Really, your humour is so witty- the cutting edge of fine comedy."

"I'm glad you think so, Sasuke," Madara replied cheerily as he ruffled Sasuke's hair.

"Get off you fucking jerk!" Sasuke yelled at him, shoving him away and quickly attempting to fix his hair in the hallway mirror. Deidara laughed at him and even Itachi smirked a little- though, he checked his own appearance in the mirror quickly before stepping through the front door. The smile soon faded from his face as they walked to the car however, and it had nothing to do with how tightly his kimono was tied.

"Everything alright?" Deidara whispered to him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Fine," Itachi replied, not wishing to explain the details of the conversation he'd had with his uncle. He had a wedding to think about. Thinking about being shoehorned into a future he didn't even want just wasn't on the cards.


	5. For Those You Love

When they arrived the church doors were just being opened to admit the people milling around on the green outside. Considering the time of year the sky looked like it might be threatening rain, but had thankfully managed to stay dry to that point. Madara had insisted on driving with the roof down regardless, complaining that convertibles were made for such a practise even if it was snowing. Itachi dearly thanked that it wasn't.

"I swear," he muttered to Deidara once they were out of the car. "If I suddenly pass out, just take the kimono off and I'm sure I'll be just fine. I'll just need oxygen."

"Take the kimono off?" Deidara murmured into his ear huskily. "Now, now. We're going inside a church, yeah. That's quite inappropriate."

" _You're_ inappropriate," Itachi countered as he linked one arm through Deidara's with a soft smile to show he didn't really mean any harm. "The church is beautiful- I'm not surprised they decided to get married here."

"So even you can appreciate the beauty of architecture?" Deidara mused.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you aren't very creative, yeah. I look at this building and I see artistic potential. I expected you to just see stones and ivy."

"You have a rather warped view of me," Itachi noted as they headed inside the church. "Just because I don't pick up pencils and draw masterpieces doesn't mean I'm not creative."

"You should though, yeah."

"Why? That isn't me," Itachi argued, holding one hand up to him to halt the conversation. Uchiha Mikoto, sitting in the second row on the right hand side, was beckoning to him with a smile on her face. He smiled back and lightly pulled Deidara by the hand with him, Sasuke a few steps behind.

"Oh honey, you look lovely," Mikoto praised as they sat down with her. "Hello Deidara. Sasuke, smile! It's a wedding!"

"Madara's a jackass- don't ever make me go anywhere near him again," Sasuke complained, folding his arms and clearly sulking.

"Oh come on, it was only for a couple of hours. What did he do now?"

"He got another cat and he messed up my hair."

"Is that all?" Mikoto sighed, putting one arm around his shoulders and giving him a quick squeeze. "Lighten up then, dear. You're out of there now."

"Boys," Fugaku greeted from her side with a single nod. "Good to see that you made it."

"Is Madara just being a jerk when he says the kimono is supposed to be tied tightly?" Itachi asked Mikoto quietly, tugging on the kaku obi again and trying to sit comfortably.

"It is supposed to be rather tight, yes. Stop fussing with it dear, you'll loosen it and then it'll all fall apart."

"I _want_ to loosen it."

"Stop complaining about it," Deidara soothed. "You've barely shut up since you put it on- that's not like you."

"That should tell you just how awful it is then."

"No, it just says you're irritable because you didn't sleep well."

"That's what happens when we sleep in the car."

"You slept in the car?" Mikoto echoed, looking mildly concerned. "What happened to the hotel?"

"We got a little lost on the way," Itachi explained, but Sasuke spoke straight over him.

"The blond idiot over there tore our map up."

"Oh," Mikoto replied, looking a touch mystified and deciding to say nothing at all. Deidara sheepishly attempted to hide from his spot on the end of the bench seat.

Itachi turned his attention to the front of the church instead, seeing Madara standing with Nagato at the front chatting with a white haired man in full robes- presumably, he was the one who would be marrying them. Nagato looked a little nervous, repeatedly glancing towards the door where Konan would be arriving. Itachi extended his focus to scanning the room, taking in some of the other guests. Predictably, he recognised none of them, except for a couple who he guessed he must have seen at a business party of his father's at one time or another.

"Hey," Deidara whispered in his ear. "About what we were saying earlier... Are you annoyed with me?"

"A little," Itachi admitted. "It's frustrating that you don't see how creative I am in other areas sometimes."

"Like where?"

"Like when I cook, for example. I come up with recipes and make sauces and salad dressings- that's creativity too, you know."

"It's not the same," Deidara sighed. "I sometimes wish you understood why I love art so much, that's all. Don't take it personally."

"It's a little difficult _not_ to take it personally, don't you think? Besides- I'd rather discuss this at another time, alright?"

Deidara hesitated and reached into the front pocket of his suit, pulling out a miniature pencil and notepad. He passed it across to Itachi, who looked at him in disbelief.

"You bought a sketchbook to a wedding?"

"It's hardly a sketchbook," Deidara argued. "It's a bit small, yeah. Draw me something."

"I don't want to."

"Go on! It doesn't matter what it is or if it's bad, I promise."

"Deidara," Itachi warned, attempting to hand the notepad back. "Don't push it."

Sasuke reached over and snatched the notebook, sending a glare in Deidara's direction. "I can't help but overhear you," he noted. "Stop hounding my brother. He said no, now leave him alone."

"Thank you Sasuke, but I can fight my own battles," Itachi told him firmly.

"Forgive me for looking out for you," Sasuke snapped back in response, earning a genuinely compassionate smile from Itachi and an apologetic hug.

"Sorry," Itachi murmured into his brother's ear. "Madara spoke to me about something that's upset me a little, that's all. It's not Deidara's fault."

"What did he say?"

"I'll tell you later," Itachi promised as he let go and pried the notebook back from Sasuke, throwing it back at Deidara with a heavy sigh. Deidara grabbed it and put it away, sulking mildly.

The opening bars of the bridal chorus flooded the church from the organ near the front, instantly drawing the room into silence except for its own sounds. All heads turned to see Konan enter the building, wearing an ivory wedding dress decorated with pearls and a tiara upon her head. Her hair was styled into soft waves, combed to one side as she stepped up the aisle on the arm of a man assumed to be her father. She carried a bouquet of white roses, tied with lilac and yellow ribbons as she shyly glanced around the room at the attendees. A reasonably short train glided along behind her, and the tips of white high heels shoes were visible as she slowly put one foot ahead of one another and locked eyes with Nagato.

The ceremony went by without any hitches. Rings and words were exchanged as was a customary kiss after they had been pronounced, earning a soft round of applause from the guests before they were whisked away to sign the marriage charter.

"I've never been to a wedding before," Deidara sighed happily as they began to file out of the church. "That was so beautiful, yeah."

"Mm," Itachi nodded, realising immediately after that if he was going to continue trying to shield Deidara from what was really annoying him, he might have to be a little more enthusiastic.

"What's wrong?" Deidara replied with a concerned frown.

"The kimono," Itachi told him flatly.

"You're still complaining about that?"

"I'll be complaining until I can remove it," Itachi replied, though it left him wondering about what he was going to use to cover his mood once he had changed. He couldn't avoid the conversation forever, he knew that, but he just wanted to avoid it right _then_.

The photographs on the church grounds were cut short by the beginnings of rainfall, which left people dashing back to their cars of attempting to shelter in the church doorway. Konan and Nagato were whisked off to the bridal car and ushered inside with a glass of champagne each, while the photographer braved the weather professionally to snap some shots of them in it.

Sasuke managed to convince Fugaku to give him a lift, leaving Itachi and Deidara to brave the ride to the reception with Madara alone. Itachi got in the back seat regardless of the look his uncle gave him, staring out the window and silently praying to any available deities that there would be no conversation.

"Alright, I'll just raise my voice," Madara called once they were on their way. "Deidara- how do you feel about the possibility of Itachi running my company in the future?"

Itachi closed his eyes and mentally willed Deidara to keep his mouth shut, but Deidara instantly frowned and decided to speak his mind instead.

"I hate the idea and so does Itachi, yeah."

"Does he now? Did he say that?"

"No, but I know him well enough to know he does. He wants to teach geography- he doesn't want to run some posh business, being stuck in an office all day."

"The office isn't so bad," Madara chuckled. His light-hearted tone somehow put Itachi on edge even more.

"It's like a prison!" Deidara argued. "You're chained to your desk and the four walls around you! People should be free, yeah."

"But with freedom comes a lapse in society, Deidara. If people didn't do such jobs, the world would eventually stop functioning. It takes people like myself keeping the economy in order-"

"Bullshit!" Deidara interrupted. He was in full tirade mode now, leaving Itachi to stare out of the window and keep well and truly clear of the wrecking zone. "People survived before without high rise buildings and stock markets and shares and all that other stuff, yeah! What's wrong with just living for the moment and seeing where life takes you rather than trying to force it to move for you?"

"I had no idea you were such a free spirit," Madara mused. "Interesting choice, Itachi."

Itachi said nothing, determined to keep out of the conversation.

"We're a good couple," Deidara defended.

"I didn't say you weren't. I simply observed that you have differing personalities. Anyway- back to important matters. Itachi? You're being very quiet back there."

"I have no intentions of getting involved in this," Itachi told him quietly. "Besides, it might not even be relevant if you pass the business to Nagato."

"Oh, Itachi," Madara sighed. "You realise the reason Nagato asked me to be his best man is because he is also attempting to gain the promotion when the time comes? He originally asked his best friend, Yahiko, but withdrew the offer when he realised what was at stake. Does your father know how you feel about the potential position?"

"It's his potential position, not mine. Why does it matter?"

"You know why it matters. Never mind- we'll discuss this in further detail over a drink at the reception, shall we?"

The rest of the drive was conducted in excruciating silence. Deidara pulled Itachi to the side the moment they were out of the car, concern in his eyes.

"So that's what's been eating at you?"

"Yes," Itachi admitted, keeping his eyes to the floor. "But my father really wants this, Deidara. I don't have to actually take it if the times comes, right?"

"So you expect me to just stay quiet and not say anything about how much you dislike the idea?"

"That would be appreciated."

Deidara paused for a moment before laughing sharply. "Not a chance, Itachi! I love you and I refuse to let you sacrifice what you want."

"Didn't you hear me- I wouldn't take it when the time comes to pass it to me."

"Yes, you would. You'd take it because if you didn't, _Sasuke_ would have to. You wouldn't want that for him."

"My father could pass it to someone else within the company," Itachi countered. "It wouldn't have to be either of us."

"No. You said the entire reason you're even here is to stand with your father and remind Madara that you and Sasuke are there for that exact purpose, yeah. Besides, you told me yourself that the only circumstance it would pass to you is if your father died or retired, and you hinted it would have to be the former."

Itachi faltered at that, unable to give an instant reply. Deidara seized the opportunity and continued.

"I know you well. You want to look perfect for him, don't you?"

"What gives you that idea?" Itachi argued. "I'm in therapy for that."

"That doesn't mean the feeling is gone. I _know_ it isn't. Do you think I'm blind?" Deidara lowered his voice and leant closer to Itachi. "You bought a paper shredder. You did that so I wouldn't see how many sheets of paper you'd gone through making an essay perfect. You stayed up all night for that exam at the start of this term. And you know what else? I wasn't going to bring this up but I know you aren't taking your medication, yeah."

"Is that so?" Itachi asked neutrally, but his eyes reflected panic for a brief moment.

"You shredded the latest prescription. The packet that's in the cupboard is _empty_ , yeah. I'm not as stupid as Sasuke implies, and I'm certainly not when it comes to your wellbeing."

"Deidara, this is not the time or the place for this conversation," Itachi hissed at him sharply. "Drop it."

"When I got with you I made sure it was only when you agreed to fight this," Deidara pushed regardless, looking suddenly heartbroken as he reached out and grabbed Itachi's hands. "Don't fall back into that. Please don't. I don't want to take second place to some stupid complex, yeah. Not again."

They stared at each other for a moment, hands tightly clenched together, until they were interrupted by Sasuke approaching with a frown on his face.

"Dad's asking for you," he said, though the atmosphere didn't go unnoticed. He gave Itachi a brief glance of concern, which was promptly ignored. Together they slipped inside the reception hall, to be greeted by cheery music and laughter. It was decorated in lilac and purple, with a banquet table at one end and a bar at the other. The middle was a dance floor, though it was mostly empty and would stay that way until the alcohol began to loosen people up.

"Itachi!" Fugaku called, beckoning him over. He was seated at a table with Madara, Nagato, Konan and a few other people. "Sasuke!"

Despite his name not being called, Deidara stayed firmly glued to Itachi's side. Fugaku didn't object, moving to let the three of them sit down and heading to get them something to drink. When he returned he had three glasses and a bottle of champagne, pouring them each a glass.

"Just this once, son," he told Sasuke, who looked thrilled at the prospect of alcohol with permission. "Be sensible and don't tell your mother I let you."

"I'm almost eighteen anyway," Sasuke attempted to protest, but Fugaku had already turned his attention to the other members of the table. Itachi recognised the priest who had married Konan and Nagato, now dressed in a suit and looking quite bored. Next to him was a tall man with tan skin and long hair, and a redhead wearing a rather scruffy outfit that consisted of what appeared to be black skinny jeans and a shirt with a jumper over it.

"Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan- these are my sons and their friend Deidara."

"He's not my friend," Sasuke hissed, while Itachi chose not to correct him. Deidara didn't look impressed, but also kept his silence.

"Hidan is the priest from earlier, as you can probably tell- he's an old friend of Konan's. Kakuzu is Madara's financial advisor and Sasori is head of marketing. Deidara, you may have something in common with him- he's also an artist."

Deidara's eyes immediately lit up, as did Sasori's though to a lesser degree, and they immediately launched into a conversation that went straight over everybody else's heads.

"What's your favourite shade?" Deidara began.

"Coquelicot."

"I love that one! What do you think of Jasper?"

"I'm not over-keen. Byzantine?"

"Not really. Aureolin?"

"Awful. Viridian?"

"With the introductions out of the way, let's talk business," Madara declared, holding up his glass and speaking over the two artists. "But first- a toast to the happy couple."

They all raised their glasses, before the atmosphere turned immediately sombre and Madara began to speak.

"As you know, I am looking at retiring at some point in the near future. I have very worthy candidates to promote as CEO of the company, and I tell you- I'm torn. All would do a splendid job. However I am also a man who likes to think about the future- I want to know where my company is going to be headed in the long term, and be confident it will be handled with the care I have put into it."

He turned to Fugaku with a smile that looked far too much like a smirk for Itachi's tastes. "Did you know Itachi apparently isn't thrilled at the idea of taking over from you one day, should I pass it to you?"

"Is he not?" Fugaku replied, glancing straight across to his eldest with sharp eyes. "He has never said anything like that to me."

"It's not that," Itachi immediately cut in, feeling Deidara jab him sharply in the ribs as he did so. "It's just an overwhelming position to be put in... I don't mind."

"Liar!" Deidara hissed in his ear. "Itachi!"

"Deidara, do you have something to say about this?" Madara asked, immediately seeing the interaction. His smile definitely became a smirk as Deidara hesitated, finally sighing deeply and shaking his head.

"No," he sighed. "Nothing."


	6. Where There Is Love There Is Life

When Madara finally released them from their impromptu meeting, Deidara grabbed Itachi by the arm and dragged him straight outside again. Sasuke followed with an unreadable expression on his face, and was first to speak when they were out of earshot of the entrance.

"Itachi, you don't want to take over the business. Why did you say that you do?"

"Please don't hound me about this," Itachi requested, which ignited Deidara's temper immediately.

"Why not?"

"You're blowing this _completely_ out of proportion," Itachi tried again. "It's not even going to happen yet! And even if it does happen soon, how many times do I have to say I don't have to take it?"

"Then I will," Sasuke pointed out.

"You won't have to either. It can be passed to someone else."

"Then there's no point in Madara passing it to Dad, is there? He already said that he wants to know where the company will go in the future, and the only way that will happen is if he promotes Dad and we agree to keeping it within the family. This is Madara- he'll pull up a contract, Itachi!"

"He will?" Deidara said, eyes widening. "Then I don't want you agreeing to anything!"

"What if I want to do it?" Itachi replied, his voice small.

"You are such a liar!" Deidara practically shouted at him. "Why is it so important, huh? _Why_?"

Itachi gave no response and turned away, keeping his eyes averted from them both.

"I was right, wasn't I?" Deidara whispered. "About the perfection thing? It's another way of being perfect, isn't it? You still want to be the perfect son! What goes on during those therapy sessions, Itachi? You won't let me come to them- is that because they aren't helpful? Are even you even going to them at all?"

"Yes I am!" Itachi snapped back at him.

"Well you aren't taking the medication! Forgive me for thinking you might be skipping it, yeah."

"You aren't taking the meds?" Sasuke frowned immediately, shaking his head and glaring at his brother. "Itachi, that isn't sensible. They were prescribed for a reason-"

"I felt fine," Itachi muttered.

"Alright, let me explain this in terms an idiot can understand," Sasuke sighed condescendingly. "You were feeling alright because of the medication. The reason you're slipping back into your old ways is because you stopped taking it."

"I know."

"Then why did you stop?"

"It made me feel so wretched- I couldn't bear taking it anymore."

"In what way? All medication has side effects."

"In the 'I want to jump off a bridge' way," Itachi snapped sharply at him. "Forgive me for not wishing to continue taking it with such a vivid side effect."

"It's uncommon, but that can happen," Sasuke reasoned. "Besides, that's not feeling fine, is it?"

"I meant in regards to my complex. I knew that side effect would pass if I stopped taking it."

"And so did the good effects from it too! You should have seen the doctor about changing your dose or your medication."

"It was hard enough the first time-"

"That's a cop out," Deidara snapped, interrupting him.

"Blondie's got a point," Sasuke noted. "We'd have come with you again. You're not fighting this alone, you hear me? I don't want you to destroy yourself to look perfect again, and I know I'm not alone in that sentiment." He glanced across to Deidara, who nodded fervently.

"Dad wanted me to study law," Itachi finally spoke, his voice quiet. "I failed him when I switched to geography. I couldn't face failing him again, so I decided to just go along with this and deal with it if and when the time came."

"You didn't fail him," Deidara told him, his anger beginning to melt away as he took Itachi's hand. "Itachi, you decided to do what _you_ wanted and there's nothing wrong with that, yeah.

"You asked what goes on in the therapy, right?" Itachi continued softly. "The therapist tells me that it's okay not to be perfect. Everything is _okay_. The word perfect is something I shouldn't use, and that I should accept that I can be _okay_ at things. I don't believe a word of it, but I nod and tell her I'm listening when really I want to scream at her 'do you actually _understand_ me at all?' because just telling me I can be okay hasn't worked for anyone else, and it isn't going to work for her."

"Relationships are about being open and honest," Deidara finally replied after a moment of silence, where both he and Sasuke comprehended what they had been told. "I don't like that you kept this from me, but I'm not surprised. You thrive on secrets and suffering alone like some kind of fucking martyr, don't you?"

"Forgive me for trying to protect my brother and for trying to help my father," Itachi told him sharply. "It isn't like I make these decisions to be selfish, Deidara!"

"You need to tell your father you aren't interested in the business, yeah."

"Perhaps you need to stop getting involved in things that don't matter to you?" Itachi suggested instead, reigniting Deidara's temper that had just begun to calm.

"What? Of course it involves me! I'm your boyfriend, and in case you hadn't noticed we're pretty attached to each other and I don't see that changing any time soon, yeah. Are you even _listening_ to me?"

"I'm trying not to."

"Why do I even bother?" Deidara sighed, glaring at Itachi. "Huh? Tell me why I bother with this!"

"Because you're masochistic, apparently."

"Are you _trying_ to piss me off because you're doing a grand job of it!"

"Perhaps I am. Perhaps it'll stop you making judgements on the decisions I make to help and protect those I love?"

"And what about me? You love me, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Itachi snapped irritably at him. "What's your point?"

"The one thing I asked of you was to fight the perfection complex," Deidara pointed out. "And you're skipping the meds and therapy isn't helping, but you're not doing anything else about it? That isn't fair! You _really_ aggravate me sometimes!"

"You realise you aren't exactly easy to live with, Deidara?"

"Stop!" Sasuke interjected loudly, cutting his brother off mid-sentence. "Stop it, both of you! Standing out here yelling insults at each other and bringing up your flaws isn't going to make the situation any better. Why don't you talk it out like adults?"

"Deidara is incapable of acting like an adult, Sasuke."

"You aren't exactly a model citizen yourself all the time, Itachi," Deidara jumped in. "You might put yourself across as perfect but you're no-"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence," Itachi hissed, narrowing his eyes dangerously.

"What? I didn't think being perfect mattered anymore, yeah. The other day you skipped out on a class to call me- I was so proud of you for that! Or did you lie to me?"

"I didn't lie. Contrary to what you believe I'm making _some_ progress. Besides, I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be- you just can't accept who I am, can you?"

"Not when it threatens our relationship, no! You agreed with me that the complex had to go for us to work out."

"I didn't mean that. I mean your insistence that I am not creative enough for you. I _am_ creative, I told you that in the church, but you still weren't satisfied."

"I just want to share my biggest passion with you, yeah. Is that so bad? Or are you so afraid of looking imperfect in front of even me that you won't do it? Because I'd just like to remind me, you look imperfect in front of me a lot."

"Not intentionally," Itachi hissed sharply at him.

"Not intentionally? Are you saying you're still- Itachi! You infuriating bastard, just give it to me straight, yeah. What matters more, me or being perfect?"

"Why are you insisting on using this as fuel for an argument?" Itachi asked, his voice low but seething.

"Because I'm fucking fed up with being second best to some crazy thought inside your brain!" Deidara shouted at him, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"So I'm crazy now?"

"You're not far off of it, no."

"That's spiteful, Deidara. If one of us has mental issues then it would clearly be you."

"Stop it!" Sasuke repeated, louder this time as he grabbed each of their arms. "Fucking hell, talk about melodrama! Itachi, stop lying about shit that you shouldn't be. Deidara, stop deliberately trying to hit him where it hurts. You two are going to have a dignified discussion like the adults you're supposed to be and I'm going to mediate it. Are we clear?"

Two silences indicated a yes in Sasuke's eyes.

"Alright. Itachi- why are you constantly lying about your mental health? Don't you want help?"

"I do, but it's difficult," Itachi whispered.

"Then ask for help. Being difficult shouldn't be an obstacle. You have one clearly infatuated boyfriend and one slowly-going-insane brother who are happy to help you. You're going back to the doctor for some new meds, and you're going to take us to a therapy lesson so we can explain that her method isn't working. Problem solved."

"But-"

"No buts! Deidara! Why were you attacking him about things you know he has a problem with? I understand why you're upset about the business thing and while I'm never going to admit it again I actually agree with you, but that's a low blow."

"Because he's been hurting me and I wanted to hurt him back," Deidara whispered, looking at the floor with shame in his eyes.

"So you're not going to do that again? If you're going to fight and scream at each other, things like that are out of bounds because it'll just lead to regret."

"I know."

"Good. Itachi- stop with the lying and protecting and saintly stuff and just be a fallible human being for once, would you?"

"Lying is pretty fallible," Itachi pointed out with an awkward shrug.

"For the record, I can protect myself," Sasuke informed him, ignoring his words. "If the business passes to me, I'll pass it on again because I really don't care what Madara thinks of me. Dad and I are getting on better these days, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sacrifice what I want for him either. Nor should you."

With those words Sasuke exhaled heavily and turned on his heel, heading back inside the building and leaving Itachi and Deidara alone. Itachi leant back against the wall and put one hand to his forehead, giving Deidara a tiny smile.

"Talked down by a seventeen year old in a light-switch relationship," he sighed. "That's quite embarrassing."

The silence between them was awkward. As always with the let down of arguments, regret was beginning to sink in to them both and all it needed was one of them to make the move to apologise. Itachi was the one to initiate it, sighing heavily and looking skyward.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You have no idea how important you are to me. I don't care about your eccentric nature- I fell in love with you for it, even. As much as you don't believe me, I'm trying. I honestly am but it's _hard_ , Deidara."

"I know you are," Deidara replied quietly. "Honestly, I do. It just frustrates me sometimes when it seems like you aren't helping yourself."

"I agree that sometimes I don't. I'm just terrible at asking for help, which is how it ended up how it did in the first place."

"No, you're terrible at voicing your feelings," Deidara countered with a tiny smile on his lips. Itachi laughed shortly at that, returning it despite the tears in his eyes. "Though you're going to prove me wrong by crying now, aren't you?"

Itachi shook his head, exhaling heavily and tilting his head back to the wall. "Regardless of how this came about, we needed to say these things. We could have said them in a nicer manner, but they're said now. The next step is clearing the air."

"No, the next step is this," Deidara remarked before stepping forward and hugging Itachi tightly. "I'm sorry too. I just worry sometimes that I'm going to lose you to this complex, yeah."

"That will never happen," Itachi promised. "I'm not going anywhere, so unless you have plans otherwise you're going to be stuck with me."

They stayed in the embrace, comfortable with the sound of each other's light breathing and beating hearts before Itachi gave Deidara a gentle kiss and pulled away.

"We aren't done," Deidara warned. "With this conversation."

"I know. I'll stop covering up how I feel," Itachi promised softly. "I'll be straightforward and honest with you about everything."

"And you'll see the doctor and let Sasuke and I come to therapy?"

"Yes," Itachi replied with no hesitation. "Thank you."

Deidara grinned at that and grabbed Itachi, squeezing him tightly until Itachi gasped and pushed him off.

"This kimono is far too tight for that," he said apologetically. "I swear Madara tied it tighter than before."

"He's a jerk, yeah. He probably did."

"I did say you wouldn't want to meet him."

"Yeah, but I didn't think he'd be _that_ bad! He's using you as a pawn knowing you'll do anything to help your Dad and it isn't right."

"I know how important the promotion is to my father," Itachi remarked softly. "And I genuinely think he would deserve it even without using myself and Sasuke as leverage."

"Then tell him you aren't interested."

"No, Deidara. If Madara thinks I am then I may be able to play him at his own game." He smiled with a wicked glint in his eye. "I have a plan. Leave it to me, alright?"

"You'd better know what you're doing," Deidara warned.

"I know exactly what I'm doing," Itachi whispered. "I'm going to kiss you."

"That sounds good," Deidara replied before their lips met, tender yet passionate. He brought one hand up to Itachi's cheek, cupping it as he pulled away with a smile. "You know I can't wait to get you out of that kimono, yeah. You look incredible."

"I can't wait to get out of it either. I think it might actually be cutting my lungs in two."

"That's not quite what I had in mind," Deidara sighed.

"Keep whatever you had in mind for tomorrow," Itachi told him as he placed a finger over Deidara's lips in a shushing motion. "Sasuke is leaving with my parents to give us the time to ourselves, remember?"

"Yeah, but that's not now."

"Now is hardly appropriate."

"So what if I was to untie this obi thing?" Deidara chuckled as he snaked one hand behind Itachi. Itachi jerked away and tapped his hand lightly to stop him, shaking his head.

"Then the kimono would fall apart and I would have to go inside and find someone to retie it, and then explain why it was untied in the first place."

"You are absolutely killing the mood," Deidara huffed, folding his arms sulkily.

"You're attempting to molest me in the middle of the street! Come on, let's go inside. We've spent most of the time out here and that isn't very polite."

At the entrance, Deidara halted Itachi by tugging on his hand. "Itachi? Your Dad introduced me as your friend, yeah. I-"

Itachi cut him off with a kiss, keeping a firm grip on his hand. "I know. It's awkward for him I guess, but you know he's alright with it. We'll just have to show people otherwise."

With that he led Deidara inside by the hand, proudly walking through the throngs of people in search of somewhere to sit. A hand tapped Deidara on the arm as they walked past- it belonged to Sasori, who gestured for them to sit.

"We didn't get to talk much earlier," he said as they sat down together. "You take photographs, you say?"

"Only because Itachi doesn't like it when I want to draw things while it's happening," Deidara replied with a light hearted grin in his boyfriend's direction. "I like to capture fleeting moments. I always carry a sketchbook around, yeah."

"I craft masterpieces," Sasori remarked. "It can take me months to finish something, but I want to create things beautiful enough to last forever."

"What's the point in that? Art is all about living the moment, not preserving it!"

"What's the point in creating things that can't be saved?"

Itachi took that moment to conveniently vanish in search of his parent's table, which he found in the corner with Sasuke as well. He smiled and sat down, wincing as he did so and tugging on the kaku obi to try and get more comfortable.

"Really dear, must you keep fussing with that?" Mikoto sighed lightly. "Where have you been?"

"Just outside chatting with Deidara."

"Can I have your attention please?"

They all turned to the elevated stage at the back of the room. Konan stood on it with a pretty smile on her face, clutching the microphone with one hand and her bouquet with the other. Itachi mentally thanked her timely intervention. "In a moment we will be conducting the speeches, but first I'm going to throw my bouquet. The tradition goes that the person to catch it will be married next, so gather round on the dance floor if you'd like that to be you!"

A handful of ladies assembled, laughing and looking a little shy, but the attention soon moved from them when Deidara practically sprinted across to join them. He sent a beaming smile to Itachi, who simply stared at him while Sasuke snickered from his side.

"I think he's trying to tell you something," he laughed as Itachi buried his face in his hands with a heavy sigh.

"Three! Two! One!" They all counted down, squealing as Konan threw the bouquet over her shoulder. All sets of hands came up to catch it, and one only set came out triumphant. Deidara clasped the bouquet and waved it in the air, yelling across the room.

"ITACHI! HEY ITACHI! THIS MEANS WE NEED TO GET MARRIED NOW, YEAH!"

"Oh my word," Itachi muttered to himself as Sasuke burst out laughing, unable to suppress it any longer. "Dad? A double whiskey please?"

"I was just thinking the same, son," Fugaku remarked grimly before he headed for the bar, leaving Mikoto to smile softly at Itachi and put a hand on his shoulder as he buried his face in his arms across the table in shame.

"Attention please," Nagato called from his table at the head of the room as Konan sat beside him. "First, Hidan is going to say a few words for us."

Hidan gave him a grin and tapped on the edge of his glass. "Alright, listen up!" He yelled to get the full attention of the room. "Pick up your freebie drinks- I'm sure you're all loving getting drunk on someone else's money, ain't you fuckers? Pick 'em up and toast Nagato and Konan, joined in holy matrimony beneath God's eyes so that means no divorcing, no fucking around, no sinning or any of that shit. Understood? Good."

With his point made he sat down, looking satisfied with himself. The people in the room aware of his usual vulgarity chuckled, while others looked stunned. Madara soon dispelled it by standing and giving the room a pleasant smile.

"Thank you all for coming today. It is with great honour that I address you as Nagato's best man. Firstly, I would like to say something to Konan- I know you've always wanted to travel to Rome, haven't you? But you aren't taking a honeymoon due to work commitments."

"You wouldn't give us the time off," Konan corrected.

"Ah, yes. Well I present to you both my wedding gift," Madara declared, slowly drawing something from his pocket in a style reminiscent of a movie actor stretching out a dramatic scene. "Tickets to Rome, and a month's leave from work."

"Are you serious?" Konan whispered as Madara handed the tickets to her. "We can't- how can we- our work, how can we...?"

"Darling, I'm Uchiha Madara," Madara told her with an exasperated sigh. "If I want you to take a month off, you'll get it. Hell, if I wanted to project an image onto moon to control the planet, I'd get it. Don't worry about the work and make sure you have valid passports, since you're leaving next week."

"Thank you," Konan murmured, still staring at the tickets in disbelief.

"With that out of the way, I re-address the congregation," Madara declared as he looked up at the assembled members of the room with a pleasant, yet entirely fake smile. "Good evening, and thank you for coming along today-"

"Blah, blah, blah," Deidara muttered as he slipped into the seat next to Itachi, thrusting the bouquet into his lap. "I don't think all these people can fit into this room with his ego, yeah."

"Did you have to show me up like that?" Itachi hissed at him as he lightly brushed his fingers across the petals of the bouquet.

"Does that mean you won't marry me?" Deidara asked cheekily.

"You're lucky I'm not ditching you for that stunt."

"I love you too," Deidara cooed, latching himself to Itachi's arm and leaning up against him with a soft sigh. "I just wanted to clear up the 'friend' issue, yeah."

"There were easier ways of doing that," Itachi pointed out, leaning across and giving him a light kiss. "Like that. Or sharing a dance together, perhaps. Or the fact we walked in holding hands-"

"Alright, I just wanted to see your reaction," Deidara admitted as Fugaku came back with a tray of drinks. He put down a double whiskey for Itachi, as requested, and passed a cocktail glass to Deidara.

"You seem the sort to drink this kind of thing," he said with an awkward shrug. Deidara's eyes lit up and he took the cocktail, taking a sip of it and nodding approvingly.

"It's nice. What is it?"

"It had some kind of filthy sounding name," Fugaku said vaguely, looking mildly embarrassed. Itachi took it from his partner and sipped it, handing it back with a smirk.

"It's a Sex on the Beach."

"Is that so?" Deidara smirked back, giving Itachi a suggestive look. Itachi glared at him pointedly, wordlessly reminding him that his parents were sitting right next to them and such implications were unsuitable. Deidara sighed and took the flowers from Itachi's lap, graciously handing them to Mikoto with a smile.

"You can keep those," he offered.

"Thank you dear," she smiled back as Deidara grabbed Itachi's hand and pulled him to his feet with a swift yank.

"Thanks for that," Itachi gasped as he put one hand to the kaku obi still tightly wrapped around his waist. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Oh no," Deidara purred into his ear. "I guess you'll just have to remove it."

"I told you, stop that."

"You're no fun," Deidara sighed. "You know there's a garden attached to this hall, right? Shall we go out there?"

"That would be nice," Itachi agreed, allowing himself to be led across the room. He caught a few eyes on their joined hands but he simply squeezed tighter and smiled softly to himself. He was happy to let them look- if two people in love was out of place at a wedding, what hope was there for the world?


	7. A Cocktail Contains Neither Of The Above

The illusion of two people in love was shattered moments after stepping outside. The garden was quite quiet, with only a few people sitting around chatting together at tables near the entrance. Itachi could sense the air around them change as Deidara's soft hold on his hand became tight and harsh, dragging him across the garden to a vaguely private corner.

"We're not done, are we?" He asked flatly, remembering Deidara's earlier words.

"No we are _not_ done," Deidara hissed. "How was my acting for you? It's almost as good as yours, right? Only my acts don't involve _lies_ like all of yours do."

"Fine," Itachi sighed. "Apparently you _can't_ play nice for the sake of someone else's wedding."

"I did, yeah. They all thought we were fine just now, didn't they?"

"I presume we're not."

"No we are not!" Deidara whisper-shouted in annoyance, clenching his fists tightly. "I am _so angry_ with you! I can tell you now, the only thing I have planned tomorrow is getting drunk in the hotel bar and staying as far away from you as possible since I have to pretend we're fine tonight."

"What do you want me to do about this? I can't change the past."

"I want you to stay away from me for a while," Deidara warned. "I swear Itachi, just stay away and let me have some space so I don't just get a train home right now."

"If you insist," Itachi replied with a shrug, before heading straight inside and leaving Deidara in the garden. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, distracting himself by heading for the bar. It was Madara's tab, which made the want to get horribly drunk much stronger than usual.

He found temptation too difficult to resist. Ten minutes later, Sasuke found him in one corner of the garden sinking Jägerbombs and looking visibly upset and more notably, alone.

"Where's Deidara?" He asked as he sank down to the ground as best he could in his kimono.

Itachi shrugged, not meeting his eye. "Who knows?"

"Why do you do it?" Sasuke asked in exasperation, taking a Jägerbomb from the tray Itachi had next to him. "Why do you constantly fuck up the things you really shouldn't be?"

"Because I'm an idiot, apparently."

"Well, yes, you are. But seriously- he got on that train, Itachi. He almost left once because you couldn't put him above your complex, and you're going to let that happen again?"

"No!"

"It doesn't look that way. He's scared, he said it himself. All he wants is an open, honest relationship and you aren't giving that to him."

"I'm quite aware of my failings, Sasuke. I don't need to be reminded."

"No, you do, because the more you're told what's at stake, the harder you'll fight. If you keep up doing what you're doing, Deidara will be gone within six months. He loves you, sure, but he loves _you_ , not the perfect being you try to create to appease who-knows-who these days if it's not Dad."

"Can you just leave me alone?" Itachi asked firmly as he picked up another cocktail.

"So you can wallow in self pity? I don't think so."

"Don't you have a relationship of your own to go and fix?"

"There's nothing wrong with my relationship- don't be a spiteful bastard, it doesn't suit you."

"Sorry," Itachi murmured. "I don't know what to do, Sasuke."

"Then _tell him_ that. Tell me that, tell _anyone_ that so we can help you," Sasuke urged passionately. "We're going to the therapist with you, and the doctor. Tell them it's not working out and they'll change tactic- it's what they're there to do. You _can_ feel better, Itachi, and you _will_ if you allow people to help you."

With that he swiped another Jägerbomb from the tray and made his way back inside. Itachi watched him go, following him a few moments later. He hovered in the doorway, spying Deidara dancing on the floor with Sasori to some kind of cheesy disco song, a huge smile plastered on his face. It didn't look fake at all.

Unlike his partner, who was apparently as good of an actor as he was an artist, Itachi was unable to act the same way. It led to him leaning against the wall just watching the dance floor, looking away whenever Deidara glanced in his direction.

"Sweetheart?"

He turned to see his mother, giving him a concerned look and resting a hand on his shoulder. Itachi gave her a weak smile, knowing she would have already have sussed his mood- he couldn't hide much from her these days in regards to emotions. Besides, he _was_ standing around looking despondent- he was an open book right then.

"What's wrong?" She asked, frowning in concern.

"Nothing much," Itachi shrugged, brushing off her remark. The last thing he wanted was to bare his soul to his mother about his failings in life. She hovered for a moment, knowing it was untrue, but eventually her hand fell away and she sighed softly.

"Alright," she conceded. "You know where I am if you want to talk."

Itachi didn't want to talk- not unless it was to Deidara, and attempting to fix what he'd managed to inadvertently damage. However his partner seemed more interested in dancing than he did talking, so Itachi turned to the next best thing. Soothing and offering sympathy to all- a tasty glass or five of alcohol.

"Trouble in paradise?" A voice asked him once he was at the bar, about to knock back a whiskey.

"What do you want, Madara?" Itachi growled. He had no patience for his interfering uncle right then.

"I'd like you to tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing of interest to you."

"It doesn't escape my notice your boyfriend isn't with you, Itachi. Did you have a disagreement about my proposal for the business?"

Itachi knocked back the drink in his hand in one easy movement. It was no surprise Madara had guessed the problem- he'd probably hoped it would happen, after all. "Is there any particular reason you dislike my relationship so much?" He asked sharply.

"You're a brilliant man," Madara praised. "He is not. That's all there is to it."

"It depends how you measure a person's potential," Itachi argued. "Compared to Deidara, I am nothing."

"Don't be modest. Your father's told me all about your academic achievements- always top of the class, excelling in college... You're made for bigger things than a relationship with an _artist_ , Itachi."

"Are you done insulting me?"

"I'm giving you the facts, Itachi," Madara attempted to tell him, but Itachi had already stood up and begun to walk away. Instead, Madara grabbed his arm and halted him sharply. "You know I'm right," he warned. "He'll lead you astray. You can't see it, can you?"

Itachi pulled his arm free and promptly ignored him, going straight to his parent's table. Madara wouldn't harass him there- he knew better.

"Evening son," Fugaku greeted. "Is everything alright?"

"Of course," Itachi replied smoothly, his usual facade in place. Mikoto eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing to shatter it. It didn't escape Itachi's notice that there was another person at the table that he didn't recognise- he seemed to have a family resemblance, though his hair was strangely curly.

"This is your cousin Shisui," Fugaku introduced. "It's been a long time since you've seen each other."

"It's a pleasure," Itachi replied politely, holding one hand out to his cousin.

"Evening. Your father tells me you want to be a teacher," Shisui remarked. "Come with me."

Frowning in confusion, Itachi let Shisui lead him across the room and out the front door, taking in the cool air gladly. The room was becoming unbearably hot with so many people in it, even though it was the middle of February.

"Sorry," Shisui apologised. "Your father views me highly- I'd hate to shatter that. You want to teach, right?"

"Correct- that is my eventual goal."

"I may be able to help you with that," Shisui told him slyly, a mischievous grin on his features that reminded Itachi so much of Deidara. "You see, I'm also a teacher."

Itachi's ears pricked up at that. "Is that so?"

"That's right. Right now I'm teaching primary school kids, but I'm moving up to college next term. I, uh, have the right contacts..."

The way he trailed his sentence off and continue to grin slyly put Itachi on edge. "Contacts?" He asked, though he realised as he did so that he probably didn't want to know.

"Well, you see, have you heard of Victoria College?"

"I attended it until recently," Itachi replied, eyes widening slightly. "You're going to be teaching there?"

"You know it?" Shisui echoed, looking even more troubled. "Well, ah, you see... You know the vice-principal- the really hot redheaded woman?"

Itachi _really_ wasn't sure he wanted to hear this, but he nodded in confirmation anyway and decided not to argue over the attractiveness of the lady in question.

"Right. Well, we met as some union party last year- few too many drinks, you see, one thing led to another and we may have accidently slept together." He paused as Itachi stared at him in shock. "Twice," he added quietly.

"Do go on," Itachi finally requested when the shock had worn off.

"So anyway, we got it on in and I happened to mention I was looking for a job, and she happened to _have_ a position opening and also _happened_ to be the one who conducted the interview, which wasn't so much an interview as it was a quickie on the desk-"

"I get the picture," Itachi finally cut in hurriedly. "So you're saying you slept with her and landed yourself a job at my old college."

"That would be correct. I could easily put in a good word for you, if you know what I mean, and get you a job teaching when you're ready."

"Thank you for the offer, Shisui," Itachi told him politely, deciding to ignore the questionable circumstances surrounding the job offer and seeing it for exactly what it was- a potential teaching job, just like he wanted. "It would be strange to work in the same environment I was taught in for a while, I must say. However, I will most definitely think about it- do you have a number I can contact you on closer to the time?"

Shisui grinned and happily scribbled his number down on a scrap of paper he had procured from his pocket, which turned out to be an old receipt. "Glad to be of service," he grinned. "Though- could you keep how I landed the job a secret? Like I said, your Dad thinks pretty highly of me and all..."

"My lips are sealed," Itachi promised.

"Great," Shisui grinned, throwing an arm around his shoulder and leading him back to the door. "Nice to see you again, Itachi. The last time we met you must have been about four and I was seven- I think your mother was pregnant with Sasuke at the time."

"I can't say I remember."

"Ah. Well, your Dad took us to the zoo for the day to give your mother a break. We fed the animals and went on that safari tour thing- don't you remember?"

"Not really I'm afraid."

"Strange," Shisui mused. "I'm surprised. You ended up pretty traumatised because I told you that the tigers could scale the side of the fence and they were going to come and eat you."

"That sounds vaguely familiar," Itachi replied, sensing the slightest jolt of memory on the edge of his mind at those words.

"I made you swear you wouldn't tell anyone I'd said it either, because I told you the tigers would overhear and then they'd _definitely_ want to eat you. I know it's nearly twenty years too late, but sorry about that."

"It's fine, I assure you."

"Good to know," Shisui grinned before patting him on the shoulder a couple of times, vanishing off to the dance floor. Itachi watched him, realising that in his absence Deidara had vacated the hall. Hoping enough time had passed he went in search of him, finding him in the garden. He was in the same corner they had been in earlier, sitting with a tray of cocktails. He slowly made his way over, hoping his partner would be a little more receptive now.

"Itachi," Deidara remarked as he noticed him, giving him a grin and holding up a cocktail shakily. It took Itachi approximately three milliseconds to realise he was absolutely smashed. "Do you want my cock? My cock... Tail. Cocktail."

He dissolved into laughter which Itachi took to be a good sign, taking the cocktail slowly and examining it with a frown.

"It's called a Screaming Orgasm," Deidara told him between deep breathes around his laughter. "A-a... _Orgasm_ , Itachi, who names a cock... Oh wait I think I just got the connection."

"Does this mean you aren't angry with me anymore?" Itachi asked quietly as Deidara dissolved into fits of laughter again.

Deidara sobered for a moment, halting in his mirth. "I am," he admitted. "But I love you. I don't want to be mad at you."

"Then please accept my apologises," Itachi replied, setting the drink down and reaching over to hug him tightly. "I promise you, I'll stop the self-sabotage. Please forgive me, Deidara."

"I appreciate that," Deidara whispered softly, marred slightly by the slur in his voice. He seemed able to comprehend the serious tone of the conversation, however. "I haven't forgotten this, but for now you are forgiven. Take this as a warning, yeah."

"Duly noted," Itachi murmured as he let go of his boyfriend, picking up the cocktail and drinking it quickly. He needed to get drunk too, he decided, to erase the bad memories of the evening so far. "I'll get us some more drinks."

Deidara shrugged, apparently happy with the one in his hand, leaving Itachi to head for the bar feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. They were repaired, for now, and he had to be careful to keep those pieces together.

He returned with a new tray of cocktails, which Deidara examined the moment he set it down with what Itachi felt was far too much enthusiasm.

"What's this?" He asked, lifting a shot into the air.

"It's a... Does it matter?"

"That's a funny name for a cocktail."

"No- I mean, does the name really matter?"

"You look uncomfortable," Deidara grinned. "Go on, what filthy name is it?"

"It's a Quick Fuck," Itachi finally sighed.

"And this one? Oh look at you, you look embarrassed- you're so easy to wind up, yeah. What's it called?"

"A Blowjob," Itachi muttered, leaving Deidara to giggle at the thought of his usually reserved boyfriend uttering such wicked things.

"And this?"

"You're out of luck- it's a Mai Tai."

"Oh I know this," Deidara hollered as he picked up a shot glass. "I have a Slippery Nipple," he announced with a giggle before knocking the shot back. Itachi selected the Mai Tai with a sigh, deciding that the sooner he got drunk, the more his boyfriend's humour would make sense.

"There you are," a voice behind them declared. They turned to see Sasuke a couple of steps behind them. "Did you make up?"

"Something like that," Itachi nodded. "Thank you for the talk earlier."

"Don't worry about it. What are you up to now then?"

" _Cock_ tails," Deidara snickered. "I have a Hairy Virgin for you, Sasuke."

"You can keep it- I spy Jägerbombs," Sasuke replied as he snatched one from the tray. "I thought you guys had a day of rampant sex planned for tomorrow or something. You're going to be hung over instead."

"It was a day together away from home," Itachi corrected. "You were looking for me? What did you want?"

"Dad's trying to set me up with some girl in there," Sasuke replied in distaste.

"You know if you told him about Naruto he would stop, right?"

"It's easier to just hide out here and drink cocktails with you two. I admit, spending time with Deidara isn't preferable but it's better than having some chick clinging to me."

"It's Madara's tab," Itachi reminded him blithely, smirking as Sasuke's eyes lit up.

"Can't we just order the most expensive drinks and tip them in a bush?"

"That would be a spiteful, Sasuke. You're above such behaviour."

"But you aren't above ordering trays of cocktails on his wallet?"

"That's different. These are getting consumed."

"You sound pretty sober," Sasuke observed, glancing to Deidara who was halfway through a Blowjob. "Let me guess- he's been having most of them."

"That would be a correct assumption to make," Itachi confirmed.

"Let's go dance," Deidara declared happily, pulling himself to his feet. Before Itachi could disagree, he found himself being pulled rapidly to his feet.

"I don't dance," he reasoned.

"It's a wedding! We have to dance!"

"No, we really don't."

"Then let's head back to the hotel," Deidara remarked wickedly, tracing a finger down Itachi's chest. "We had a fight, yeah. We all know the best part of fights is _making up_."

"Can I pretend I didn't hear that?" Sasuke asked, looking disturbed.

Deidara smirked and linked one arm into Itachi's, giving him a coy grin. "So!" He declared loudly. "I'm going to give you a _screaming orgasm_ with a _blowjob_ , and then we might even have a _quick fuck-_ "

"Shut up Blondie! I swear, one more word and I'm going to kill you."

"One more word?"

"One more."

"What about half a word? Like... The _screw_ in _screw_ driver?"

"You are the absolute epitome of moronic."

"We aren't going back to the hotel and we aren't dancing," Itachi replied flatly. "I think we should get you some water. How does that sound?"

"You are so _boring_ ," Deidara whined as Itachi led him away, leaving Sasuke to sigh and snatch another cocktail from the tray they had left behind. He turned his attention to the sky, which was already dark and littered with stars, staying that way and taking in the relaxing cool air until a call from behind him caught his attention.

"Sasuke."

He glanced over his shoulder to see Madara approaching him. Gracefully he sunk down to the floor despite his attire, managing to look dignified as he picked up a martini from the selection on offer.

"Aren't you underage?" He noted.

"What's it to do with you?"

"Merely an observation, Sasuke. I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you would be so kind."

"It depends what you want to know," Sasuke replied, his tone cagey.

"I get the impression Deidara isn't very impressed at the idea of Itachi inheriting my business one day, should I choose your father to take over. What do you think about that?"

"I think Deidara has a point," Sasuke shrugged. "Itachi's not really a business man, is he?"

"I disagree. I think he would look very smart and professional in the position. In fact, I'm rather tempted to offer him a proposition in the form of a job opportunity."

"Shouldn't you be asking him about that then?"

"I fear with Deidara influencing him, he would decline without really thinking about it. I'm thinking that if I promote your father, there would be a position to fill and Itachi would be just the man for it."

"So you want to bribe him?" Sasuke remarked bluntly. "You're despicable."

"You don't think Deidara is holding him back?"

"On the contrary. Deidara is responsible for many positive changes in my brother."

"Those are some positive words about somebody you dislike."

"Dislike or not, it's true. He's an idiot with a ridiculous obsession for what he likes to think is art, but his heart is in the right place. He loves my brother and he treats him well."

"Hmm," Madara sighed. "I think I see something different to you."

"Do tell."

"I see somebody who will lead your brother astray," Madara continued airily. "An a _rtist_? Really? They're polar opposites and with time I think Deidara's personality would rub off on dear Itachi. Deidara is flighty while Itachi is grounded- how long will that last, though? How long before Itachi abandons what he wants on a whim of Deidara's? I tried to speak to Itachi about this but he wasn't very receptive."

"Probably because you have no clue what you're talking about."

"Deidara has a hold over him," Madara warned. "I don't think he even realises it, nor does Itachi realise he's been snared. Just watch. Soon enough Deidara will only have to say jump and Itachi will be seeking the trampoline on which to do so."

"This conversation is over," Sasuke snapped as he pulled himself to his feet, resisting the urge to tip a cocktail onto his uncle's head. He slipped back inside the venue, finding his brother and partner at the bar. Deidara was begrudgingly drinking a glass of water, clearly sulking at being forced into sobriety.

"I still think we should go back to the hotel, yeah."

"That's nice," Itachi replied offhandedly, glancing to Sasuke as he approached. "Everything alright?"

"Fine," Sasuke replied, his voice clipped.

"Go on, just for a little," Deidara continue to whine. "You could get changed too. Konan and Nagato left to get changed into casual clothes- you can do the same, surely?"

Itachi looked contemplative at that. "I guess we _could_ ," he said slowly.

"Stop manipulating him," Sasuke hissed at Deidara sharply. "He said no- why do you have to try and change his mind, huh? Can't you just accept-"

"Whoa, Sasuke," Itachi interjected, putting one hand up to him. "Relax. It's hardly manipulation."

"Suit yourself," Sasuke muttered, fleeing before he could say any more. He was annoyed with himself for taking Madara's words to heart, but somewhere in his mind he had a tiny, nagging feeling that somehow it made sense.


	8. Reparation

After a day spent together enjoying the luxuries of the four star hotel and a reasonably relaxed journey home (except for that one incident during a service stop that Itachi refused to acknowledge; all he would say was he never wanted to see glitter again), Itachi was rather pleased to be pulling up outside of his home once more.

"Good to be home," Deidara sighed as he got out of the car. Itachi had to resist laughing slightly at that, since the reason the car rides had been so arduous in the first place had been mostly Deidara's fault. The long hours on the road and the fact it was almost one in the morning had him deciding to just leave his luggage in the boot, practically falling through the front door.

He stripped his clothes and promptly collapsed onto the bed, climbing under the covers gratefully. As discovered at the wedding he was still having some problems with perfection, so he was very aware that he needed to be awake early for college the next day. Deidara had made it clear he might just skip, but Itachi couldn't bring himself to purposefully do that. While Deidara had sketch at home and still technically be working, Itachi couldn't do much for his subject without guidance. Studying the world map shower curtain Deidara had bought in a misguided attempt to be helpful wasn't really enough.

He wished he could, though. He wanted to be more normal, and was driven to do so even more now he had had to come clean about the complete disaster his therapy was, as well as the medication. He knew he might experience side effects, but he hadn't been aware the leaflet's list of 'possible' side effects were going to manifest themselves so strongly- and so many of them! They had left him feeling cripplingly nauseous and dizzy, which he hoped would pass. It didn't, and the moment he had begun to experience confusion and some alarmingly vivid suicidal thoughts he had terminated usage immediately. The experience had left him wary of seeking a new medication, so he had done what he did best and buried his head in the sand and pretended he would be alright.

He knew such side effects were rare. He knew his doctor would have discontinued treatment as well. Either way, he'd felt sickening guilty for doing so- it was like betraying Deidara, but he'd still done it. He sighed heavily, glancing across to his partner in the bed in the moonlight- he was already fast asleep, which Itachi knew he should be too. However after such a long distance drive where he'd needed his full concentration, he couldn't switch off. It left him looking up at the ceiling, wondering where exactly the plans that they had laid out only a few months before had gone astray.

Deidara and he had got together on the condition that he kicked the complex. He knew it would be easier said than done, but he hadn't expected to fail quite as badly as he had done. He had had a few breakthroughs and courageous moments but mostly he had spent the time attempting to pretend he didn't care about things when in reality he did, consumed with the fear of admitting just how imperfect he really was.

"I'm sorry," he uttered to the sleeping figure of his boyfriend. Perhaps it was tiredness or perhaps it wasn't, but he felt his throat constrict as he spoke and bit his lip slightly to counter the burn in his eyes. He quickly sat up and slipped from the bed, unwilling to continue the depressing spiral of despair he was falling into.

The living room was cold- they had been away so the heating had been off. Itachi switched it back on and snatched a sweater up from the back of the sofa, putting it on gladly and switching the kettle on. Sleep wasn't going to come, and the idea of a relaxed coffee in his own home instead of one he had paid an outrageous price for at a service station was appealing.

He cradled the warm mug appreciatively as he curled up on the sofa, flicking the television on to a random movie channel to keep his mind occupied. While every sensible thought in his mind told him that he really should be going to sleep for college the next day, he ignored the idea and stayed where he was. Right then, all he wanted to do was forget everything and just concentrate on nothing of importance.

-.-.-

"So... Do I want to ask why you look ready to murder something?"

Itachi knew he should have just skipped. Deidara had decided to get up and get ready for college, while Itachi had ended up staying awake all night drinking coffee, thinking about things he really didn't want to be, and watching bad television. Regardless he was set for college, standing impatiently by the front door waiting for Deidara to locate his sketchbook, or his markers, or his _brain_ \- whatever it was, Itachi didn't care. If he stood in the house one minute longer he was going to go to bed, he knew it.

"I'm tired," he replied as patiently as he could manage, knowing taking it out on Deidara was unfair. The poor man had already put up with enough from him- he refused to add to it.

"I know we got to bed late," Deidara sympathised as he threw his bag over his shoulder and slipped past Itachi and out into the cold February morning. For a moment, Itachi was content to let him think he'd actually slept, but he changed his mind. He had promised to be more open, so he closed the door with a heavy sigh and shook his head.

"I was up all night, actually. I couldn't sleep."

"Oh. You remember what happened last time you went to college without any sleep, don't you?" Without waiting for Itachi to continue, Deidara helpfully reminded him. "You ended up crying on a desk in the art lab then sleeping."

"I remember."

"So shouldn't we just turn around and go back to bed?"

Itachi hesitated, moments away from opening the car door. He stood poised with his key in his hand before finally letting it drop, glancing across to Deidara.

"Skipping college promotes imperfection," he said slowly.

"You can just tell them we got delayed coming back from our trip. You need the sleep, Itachi."

"I know I should follow what you say and go back inside," Itachi admitted, keeping his eyes to the floor. "But I can't. You know that- you know how this works."

"But who are you trying to look perfect for? Me? Your father?"

"No. Just... People."

"Who cares what a bunch of random people at college think?" Deidara argued with a shrug. "They probably won't even notice."

"My teacher will."

"And she knows you're smart and you'll catch the work up. I doubt she'll be impressed with you falling asleep at your desk, yeah."

"I wouldn't. I might be tired, but I have _some_ restraint."

"Alright," Deidara nodded after a moment, taking Itachi's arm. "I said I'd help you, so I'm going to do the best thing for you right now. Come on."

With that he dragged Itachi back up the garden path, opening the door and pushing him forcefully back inside. Itachi struggled, but it was quite half hearted- he didn't really want to go in the first place after all. He didn't protest when Deidara pushed him into the bed, putting his hands on his hips and glaring sternly at him.

"Get some sleep," he demanded, before storming out the room and slamming the door forcefully behind him. Itachi knew that it was his way of trying to act with authority, but all it did was make him smile as he removed his contacts. The bed was inviting, and now he was in it he didn't want to get back up again- a trap he was happy to be snared by, asleep within seconds of his head touching his pillow.

-.-.-

Therapy, Itachi had decided after the first couple of sessions, made him more frustrated than any ridiculous stunt Deidara could pull. The lady had some good points, but now he was stuck in a clinical doctor's waiting room with Sasuke and Deidara acting as his guards to tell her the rest of what she had to say wasn't working out.

"Itachi?" The lady in question called from her doorway, a pleasant smile gracing her lips. She glanced at Deidara and Sasuke as they entered as well, but said nothing. She simply set aside another couple of chairs for them, and directed them all a smile as they sat down.

"And who have we here today?"

"This is my brother, Sasuke, and my boyfriend Deidara," Itachi introduced. She knew of his relationship- he'd mentioned it in the first session, thankful when she didn't make a big deal out of it. "They're here for... Moral support."

"That isn't quite true," Sasuke spoke up immediately. Itachi closed his mouth, deciding to just let them do all the talking. He could word things delicately- his companions would tear it to pieces in seconds, so he resolved himself to just letting them have their way.

"We're here because Itachi is the master of covering how he truly feels," Deidara said, his eyes determined. "Whatever you're doing- it's not working. I don't know if it's because he hasn't been honest about his past, or why he's here, or what, but we need to _make_ it work because right now not much is changing."

"I thought you'd made some progress?" She asked kindly as he turned her gaze to Itachi concernedly.

"I have," Itachi confirmed. "A few things here and there. Overall though... They're right, and they'll explain it better than I ever could."

"That's because we'll be blunt about it," Sasuke reasoned. "He isn't taking the diazepam."

With the first secret told, the rest came tumbling out from a mix of Deidara and Sasuke. They told the therapist about his struggles, how he ran away from or tried to hide from problems, how he was still trying to be perfect, how his relationship was at stake if he didn't _fix_ this- Itachi simply sat and listened, hands clasped in his lap and eyes downcast.

"When we got back from the wedding, he stayed up all night," Deidara told her. They'd filled her in on the basic details of the wedding, since that was where they had found out most of their details. "I made him stay home from college the next day so he could sleep, yeah."

"Did you stay behind willingly?" The therapist asked Itachi. She had directed every single question to him, but he defaulted to silence and a glance at his guides every time to field it for him, and now was no different.

"No, I had to drag him back to bed," Deidara interjected.

"Did you return to college that day, Itachi?"

"Like hell he did. I told him not to. I'd have chained him to the bed if I'd had to, yeah. I promised to help him, which is why I'm here and why I did that."

"Has he even told you why he's here?" Sasuke piped up.

"I know he has a perfection complex," the therapist replied, finally addressing Sasuke directly. "I have to admit, he hasn't told me why though."

"Seriously?" Sasuke sighed. "Itachi- _seriously_? How is she supposed to help you if you don't tell her why you're the way you are!"

Suitably scolded, Itachi said nothing and let Sasuke take the reins which he did with gusto, explaining in his typical blunt fashion about the household they had grown up in, his feud with his mother for it, his willingness to be perfect for his father, and how he had felt he was unlovable unless he was perfect.

"We've touched on something, haven't we?" The therapist interrupted softly, glancing to Itachi. Itachi didn't meet her gaze, biting his lip and staring down at the floor. He had his hands so tightly wound together his knuckles were white.

"Continue," Itachi ordered Sasuke, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Not until you tell us why you look so troubled."

"You said it yourself," Itachi finally relented. "I'm unlovable unless I'm perfect."

"That's such- Itachi, seriously, you believe that?" Sasuke asked in disbelief. "I thought you realised that your projections about perfection were completely wrong when you spoke to Dad about it all? And besides, you managed to end up in a relationship with someone didn't you? Deidara loves you for who you are-"

"He _met_ me when I was perfect!" Itachi hissed, shaking his head.

"Can I just add something here?" Deidara asked, raising one hand slightly to gain their attention. "The first afternoon I spent with you, drawing you- I knew you weren't perfect, yeah. It was an act, and I was intrigued by _why_ you went to such lengths to be that way. I fell for you over time when you started to slip around me, and I realised you were an amazing person. All people have flaws, and when yours shined through it made me appreciate you even more."

"You're my big brother," Sasuke added. "I... Look, I love you, alright? And I'll love you even if you commit murder or hate me or whatever, because that's what siblings do. I don't care how perfect you are, as long as you're in my life."

All Itachi wanted to do at that moment was run away and cry in some dark corner until he felt better, which could take a while. He'd always been told therapy was draining but he'd never experienced it until now, but he supposed that was because he'd never actually _talked_ properly in a session.

"Itachi," the therapist remarked quietly to gain his attention. "You have two very remarkable supports here. Now I have more information, I can see this runs a lot deeper than just a simple complex. This is hard wired into you- it's going to take more than just a few kind words and encouragement to break it, isn't it?"

Itachi didn't know if the question was rhetorical, but he ignored it anyway. That much was now obvious.

"I think we've probably had enough for today," she continued gently. "You're welcome to stay here until you've collected yourself, Itachi. I'll leave you to do so."

She slipped from the room quietly, closing the door with a click behind her. Itachi refused to meet Deidara and Sasuke's concerned glances, standing up with every intention of following her out without another word.

"Stop," Deidara whispered as he reached for the door handle, getting up and wrapping his arms around his partner's neck, leaning up against his back and holding him tightly. "Please. You don't need to do this anymore."

While he was vague in his words, Itachi knew he wasn't simply asking him not to leave the room. He put his hands up against the white painted door and tipped his head forward so his forehead lightly touched it, closing his eyes tightly.

"Itachi," Sasuke called, unable to stay quiet either. "He's right. It stops now, alright? Your doctor appointment is in ten minutes, and you _need_ to tell him what happened with the diazepam. He'll change the category of medication he gives you, but be prepared that you may still have side effects-"

"Sasuke," Itachi cut in. "I know."

Sasuke knew it was a plea for him to stay silent, which he heeded without question.

-.-.-

"Itachi."

Itachi found himself being pulled from the clutches of sleep by Deidara, looking mildly concerned as he shook his shoulder gently.

"It's nearly six am," Deidara told him quietly. "You need to get up, yeah."

Itachi stayed exactly where he was, closing his eyes again wearily. It had been a week since he had started taking his new medication, and after a few days he had begun to notice side effects. The most pressing was the fatigue- it left him collapsing into bed at nine pm, waking at six feeling horrifically tired still, and spending most of the college day feeling half-dead and wishing to go back to sleep. While anything was preferable to his last, more serious side effect he was still lamenting this one. It made functioning impossible, let alone functioning to the best of his ability.

"Do you need to stay home today?" Deidara asked, still looking concerned. His words were enough to finally allow Itachi to pull himself up into a seated position, rubbing at his tired eyes in an effort to get himself to wake up more.

"No," he replied quietly. "It's just the medication. I'll be fine."

He wouldn't be fine. He'd spend another day trying not to fall asleep at his desk, wishing to get home so he could rest once more. He knew it would pass but that didn't stop it being irritating while it was present. The lesser side effect of nausea was nothing compared.

He dragged himself to go and shower, allowing the water to directly spray his face in an effort to help wash away the fatigue. As always, it didn't work. He closed his eyes in frustration, feeling despair wash over him- how much longer was he going to have to function like this? His standard of work was already beginning to slip, he wasn't getting any time to study, let alone time with Deidara. He'd been eating the quickest, easiest thing in the kitchen for dinner if he didn't fall asleep before it. The medication was supposed to make him better, not destroy every other aspect of life- he could stop worrying about being perfect, but at what cost?

He was being dramatic, he told himself. It was a simple side effect and would fade with time. He would brave it like he always did with a poker face and elegance, and force himself to start another day.

He couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to step out of the shower. He leant against the cool tiled wall, letting the spray wash over him in an almost comforting manner, eyes closed and wishing that he could just go back to bed even though in reality that wouldn't change how he felt. He tried to shake the mood, making himself turn the water off and get out. He didn't like to start the day feeling so despondent- the rest of the day would surely follow the same path.

Once he and Deidara were standing on the pavement next to his car, Itachi shook his head and began to walk down the street. Deidara followed, looking confused.

"We'll take public transport," Itachi told him. "I'm too tired to drive."

"If you're too tired to drive then you need to get some more rest," Deidara argued.

"I had plenty of sleep. I'll be fine when we get to college."

One short walk, a train ride, and another short walk later, and he wasn't feeling better. Deidara could tell as they stood outside of the college gates, putting one sympathetic hand to his boyfriend's arm.

"What's going on?" He asked softly. "Is it just the medication doing this to you?"

"Yes," Itachi confirmed. "It will pass. I can't allow it to interrupt my life any further than it already has."

Deidara tentatively let his hand drop, saying no more on the matter as they passed over the threshold of the college. As they walked Itachi kept his gaze on the floor, telling himself to snap out of his mood while Deidara kept his eyes on their surroundings. As a result, he noticed somebody rather important before Itachi did.

"Your teacher's heading this way," he whispered, causing Itachi to snap his eyes up and meet the lady's gaze. She gave them both a smile, turning her attention to Itachi with an expression mildly akin to concern in her eyes.

"Itachi, could I have a word please?" She requested.

"Anything you have to say can be said with Deidara present," Itachi told her politely. She nodded, glancing to Deidara before turning back to him.

"I'm glad I saw you- I was hoping I would if I waited near the gates. We had an interesting visitor arrive yesterday after hours as I was getting ready to heading home, requesting to see 'your teacher'."

"Oh?" Itachi asked, intrigued. "Do go on."

"He said he was your uncle Madara."

"What?" Itachi hissed, narrowing his eyes. "What did he want?"

"He told me..." The lady looked uncomfortable for a moment before continuing. "He explained that you shouldn't be studying my subject, and instead I should convince you to join the business studies course. You're a good student, Itachi, and I know you like what I teach- I couldn't do that to you."

"That... That..." Itachi stammered, attempting to find the politest way to phrase the not-very-polite thoughts in his mind right then.

"That fucking jerk!" Deidara filled in for him angrily, balling his fists. "Is that the game he's going to play, huh?"

"Apparently so," Itachi replied, silently seething. "Thank you for your honesty. I apologise that my uncle bothered you in such a manner."

"It's alright, Itachi. I'm not going to pry into what's going on, but I'd be upset to see you quit my class."

"I won't," Itachi promised. "I enjoy it- you said as much yourself."

"Good. Alright then- I'll see you in class. Take care."

With that she turned and headed away, leaving Itachi and Deidara rooted to the spot in shock and irritation.

"I can't _believe_ him!" Deidara ground out in annoyance.

"Unfortunately I can," Itachi sighed, fatigue and earlier worries momentarily forgotten. "Just ignore that it happened. That's the best course of action. I'm not going to be my uncle's puppet, no matter how much he wants me to be. All this says to me is that he wants my father to take over the business, but he wants me as part of that deal as well."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Good for my father, bad for me."

"Oh. What's he even doing down this way anyway? Doesn't he live hours away?"

"If you mean the house we went to, then no. That's his holiday home- it's in a good location for networking around the northern part of the country for meetings or such."

"He owns two houses?"

"Technically my father owns three of them," Itachi replied with a tiny, sheepish shrug. "Sasuke and I are living in houses he bought for us. The business is very successful and gives a very decent wage to go with it."

"And you're still not interested in it?" Deidara asked, looking a little awkward.

"Do I look like the type of person to place value on material things?" Itachi chuckled. "My father bought my car, too- I chose it, just like Sasuke chose his own too. That is why I own a sensible car and my brother will own a Skyline should he pass his driving test." He faltered a little, looking momentarily troubled. "I do feel it would be correct to get a job and pay my own way but I would have to work full time, which I can't do right now. As soon as I'm qualified, I plan to start paying him back."

Deidara gave him a smile, looking proud. "You're so kind, yeah. Why can't your brother be more like you?"

"Don't start," Itachi asked with a heavy sigh.

"So what are we going to do about Madara?"

"It's alright," Itachi replied, giving him a soft smile. "I can handle it. I have a plan, remember?"

As soon as they had parted ways, Itachi slipped around a corner and pulled his mobile phone from his pocket. He speed dialled Sasuke, waiting impatiently for the phone to connect.

"Sasuke?" He said as it did. "Can you talk?"

"I guess. What's up, Itachi?"

Itachi recounted the events that had happened to his brother, who listened in silence for the whole story before speaking.

"What's your problem?"

Itachi hadn't been expecting _that_ answer. "My problem, Sasuke, is Madara thinks he's going to play games with me. I want you to be on the lookout for the same kind of treatment- I wouldn't put it past him to pull a similar kind of stunt with you."

"Maybe he actually knows what he's talking about," Sasuke replied cryptically. "I have to get to class. I'll speak to you later."

He hung up, leaving Itachi staring at his phone in disbelief. Sasuke had just _defended_ Madara- the same man who not that long ago, he had been annoyed to even be in the same vicinity as. He put his phone away, deep in thought as he made his way to his class. It was always possible Madara had already planted some kind of seed into his sibling's mind- Sasuke could be easily manipulated if you pressed the right buttons. Itachi knew- he'd done it numerous times in the past. All he needed to work out was _what_ buttons Madara had pressed, and how it benefited their dear uncle in the meantime.

-.-.-

All Itachi wanted to do when they arrived home was collapse into bed and not emerge for a week. However he was greeted by a surprise on his doorstep, in the form of his younger sibling.

"You didn't take your car?" He questioned, one eyebrow raised in confusion. He completely ignored Deidara's presence, which was to be expected.

"I was tired this morning. You're welcome to come in but I'm not cooking tonight, Sasuke- I'm too exhausted to play host."

"It's okay," Sasuke shrugged. "Make Blondie cook. It's about time he did something useful around here, isn't it? He must be able to make something vaguely passable, surely?"

"Deidara could burn cereal without a step by step recipe telling him how to prepare it," Itachi contradicted.

"So what does he do to contribute?" Sasuke continued as they headed inside. "I mean, he lives here rent free in _your_ house."

"It's our house," Itachi corrected.

"Wrong. Dad paid for it and gave it to _you_ , not him."

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Deidara demanded to know. "You're being more spiteful than usual, yeah."

"I'm stating a fact. Don't you feel guilty leeching?"

"That's enough Sasuke," Itachi warned. "Did you come here to start a fight?"

"You're siding with him?"

"I am," Itachi confirmed. "You attacked him within seconds of us arriving, so of course I am."

"I see. Water is thicker than blood?"

"What's got _in_ to you today?" Itachi mused with a tired sigh as he fell back onto the sofa and closed his eyes. "I'm shattered. Do you have to start fights?"

"He's using you," Sasuke hissed, eyes narrowed sharply. "Can't you see it?"

Itachi's eyes snapped open immediately, glancing across to Deidara who had gone from looking annoyed to looking hurt. "Let me handle this," he murmured to his partner, indicating the door. Deidara looked hesitant, but he left the room regardless.

"What did Madara say to you?" Itachi asked, standing by the door to block Sasuke's escape route should he try to use it.

"What makes you think he did?"

"The way you're acting. I can read you like a book. He's _using_ me? Those words might as well be straight out of Madara's repertoire. You've never had that opinion before and I don't buy that you've suddenly had an epiphany regarding the idea."

They were interrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing. Itachi glanced at it with a weary sigh, moving to get it. He wasn't surprised that Sasuke took the opportunity to head straight for the door as he did so.

Deidara glanced at Sasuke from his post leaning against the hallway wall, eyes narrowed in annoyance as Sasuke moved past him to the door without a word.

"Do you honestly think that I'm leeching from him?" Deidara asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

Sasuke paused, glancing over his shoulder with a smirk on his lips. "Of course. I'd be surprised if he didn't as well. You spread your _art_ all over the place like some kind of plague, and you expect him to be alright with that?"

"He doesn't mind," Deidara argued, but his voice was weak and faltering.

"Itachi's very polite," Sasuke shrugged as he turned and walked slowly towards Deidara. "Do you know the best thing you could do for him right now?"

He stopped a couple of steps from Deidara's face. There was only an inch in height between them but Sasuke more than made up for it in intimidation.

"You should leave," he concluded in a threatening whisper. "Pack your stuff, and get out of his life. He could recover easier without having to worry about keeping you happy, don't you think?"

"You're just being a spiteful little brat," Deidara hissed at him.

"Am I?" Sasuke shrugged. "Think about it. You know I'm right."

He turned on his heel and exited, slamming the front door behind him. Deidara stood there, stunned, staring at the door until Itachi re-opened the living room door next to him.

"Who was that?" He asked, not daring to glance round at Itachi.

"Just my father. Is everything alright?"

In that moment, Deidara had a choice. He could tell Itachi what his little brother had said, or he could pretend that it hadn't happened. He sighed, shaking his head and forcing a smile onto his lips.

"I'm fine," he smiled. Itachi didn't look convinced, but he stepped past Deidara and headed for the bedroom.

"I'm going to get an hour's sleep," he called over his shoulder. "Alright?"

"Sure," Deidara nodded, glad to be out of the spotlight. As much as he hated to admit it there was a shred of evidence in Sasuke's words that his presence could be construed as leeching, and that very shred kept his lips sealed in shame.


	9. The Great Pancake Massacre

Itachi couldn't put his finger on why, but Deidara had been acting oddly. Well- more oddly than he usually did, considering his brand of normal wasn't the remotest bit sane. He'd been subdued and quiet, as well as a lot more helpful than usual. Itachi usually did the grocery shopping but Deidara had jumped at the chance, ignoring the offer for a lift in the very least in favour of fighting with buses to the supermarket and back.

Itachi would have been able to ignore that, but he couldn't ignore the lack of art he'd been noticing. Deidara _was_ art- he lived, breathed, existed the subject yet he'd barely had his sketchbook out. Any work he had done was outside in the garden, sitting up in the tree away from Itachi's eyes. His excuse that it was a nice change wasn't going over very well, considering the evenings especially were still icy cold.

Regardless, Deidara wasn't talking. He swore he was fine and always had a pleasant smile to give when Itachi admitted his worry. Unfortunately, Itachi wasn't able to contest it much anyway since he was still fatigued and sleeping like a cat. Admittedly it wasn't as bad anymore, especially with the help of his old friend caffeine, but he still wasn't functional enough to try and suss out his suddenly secretive boyfriend.

With a cup of said caffeinated coffee at hand, he was still awake at ten pm. That in itself was a small miracle, and of course he'd put the time to good use by studying at the living room table. Deidara had disappeared nearly two hours previously, taking his sketchbook with him into the garden. Itachi had learnt that he didn't like to be disturbed all of a sudden, so had given up attempting to check up on him.

Well, he _wouldn't_ have checked up on him, but as the clock continued to tick around he found it harder and harder to keep himself awake. When he found himself moments from falling asleep over his textbook he finally relented, heading outside and looking up the tree.

"Deidara," he called softly. "Are you coming in?"

"Not right now," Deidara called back down without even looking up. "I have my key, yeah. I'll be in when I'm done."

Itachi took the gentle hint and headed back inside again, frowning in concern as he readied himself for bed. Considering how much of a lecture he had given Itachi for keeping secrets, Deidara was now doing the same thing.

-.-.-

He awoke to an empty bed in the morning, which wasn't all that unusual. Deidara often got up before he did, and could be found in the living room with art supplies spread across the table. For a fleeting moment he wondered whether his partner had even come inside, heading to the living room in the hope that he hadn't slept in a tree all night.

"Hey," he called out, thankful when Deidara poked his head around the kitchen doorway.

"Hi," Deidara called back, looking slightly troubled. He held an empty frying pan in his hand, which Itachi quickly stalked over and took before entering the kitchen to see the chaos he expected.

The kitchen looked as though a cluster bomb of pancakes had exploded in it. There was a pancake hanging lazily from the ceiling, which Deidara sheepishly knocked down with a broom. Three pancakes were on the floor. The bin looked as though it was housing about five pancake corpses.

"I was trying to make breakfast," Deidara said meekly as he took the frying pan back.

"How did you make the batter mix?"

"I borrowed your computer and went online," Deidara replied with a grin that showed he was proud of his initiative. "I measured everything out like you're supposed to and I didn't forget anything."

"In that case go ahead and sit down," Itachi offered with a kind smile. "I'll make-"

"No!"

Deidara's objection was so vehement Itachi was taken aback, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

"No," Deidara repeated, with less vigour. "Let me do it please. Go and sit down, yeah. I'll bring you a coffee."

Itachi did as instructed, accepting the coffee a couple of minutes later gratefully. He opened his mouth to speak but Deidara disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving Itachi to observe him slowly and carefully pouring batter mix into the frying pan once more.

"Why don't you use a utensil to flip it?" He called when that attempt ended up on the floor. Deidara had flicked it high enough that it clipped the light on the ceiling before plummeting back to the ground so quickly he couldn't catch it.

"Because that's no fun," Deidara told him determinedly, pouring more mix into the frying pan.

It took a further three attempts before he successfully caught a pancake back in the frying pan. Deidara hollered with glee and Itachi smiled, feeling relieved- watching Deidara fail each flip was excruciating when he wasn't accepting help.

"Ta da," Deidara declared as he set the pancake down in front of Itachi. "With sugar and lemon, just how you like it."

"Thank you," Itachi smiled as he tried a bit. Deidara waited patiently for his opinion. "It tastes absolutely fine," Itachi praised after a moment. "I have no idea what I've done to deserve such pampering, though."

"I love you," Deidara countered, giving him a quick hug before scarpering back into the kitchen. "Why do I need a reason?" He called out in continuation. "Sometimes you do this kind of thing for me, and I thought it was my turn, yeah."

Deidara eventually managed to make four pancakes, two each, within a reasonable time frame. Itachi had finished his when Deidara joined him at the table, but he stayed where he was cradling his empty coffee mug regardless for the company.

"What were you drawing last night?" Itachi asked conversationally, hoping to draw Deidara into a discussion. If art couldn't do it, then there was most definitely something wrong.

"You don't want to know," Deidara replied with a small grin.

"Now I definitely want to."

"I'll show you," Deidara offered, getting up and vanishing to fetch his sketchbook. He hesitated for a moment when he came back, earning a frown of confusion from Itachi, before he finally flipped the sketchbook to a page near the middle and handed it over.

The picture was different to any style Itachi had seen Deidara draw before. It was much softer, romantic almost, and coloured with pencils with equally gentle strokes that gave it an almost ethereal look. Itachi recognised the drawing as that of the church Nagato and Konan had been married in, though Deidara had covered it in snow. Two small figures were standing on the path outside- Itachi realised with a start that one had blond hair and the other had black, and neither were wearing a dress.

"I didn't to bring this up because I was worried about frightening you," Deidara shrugged as he cut up his pancake into tiny pieces, not meeting Itachi's eye. Itachi realised with a start he was doing so because he was _nervous_ , which was unnerving. "But I realised that I want to wake up with you every morning and share pancakes and coffee, yeah. I want to be here, even through all the troubles you have with your complex. I want to go to bed every night in the same bed as you. I want to share my art with you, my _life_ with you-" He paused, dropping his cutlery and reaching out to clasp Itachi's hands across the table tightly. "Itachi- marry me? I was half serious at the wedding, but I'm completely serious now. Give it to me straight and if you say no, I won't ask again."

Itachi stared at their joined hands, eyes wide in shock. Deidara took this as a bad sign, and continued talking.

"My parents gave me a terrible example of married life," he explained quietly. "Dad was always out getting drunk and if he was home, one of us was probably going to get beaten. Do you know why I ended up in Europe for my gap year?"

"Go on," Itachi nodded, even though the question was probably rhetorical.

"Eg kjem frå Noreg," Deidara said, his voice taking on a completely different tone. Itachi stared at him for a moment before realising he had spoken in a completely foreign language. "I'm from Norway," Deidara clarified. "I was born there. We moved here when I was about seven or so- I can't speak the language as well as I used to anymore, yeah. I wanted to go back there to enjoy my home country, instead of wanting to flee from it because of the life I led there."

"All this time you were bilingual and I didn't know?" Itachi remarked, still shocked at the revelation.

"Well it hardly came up in conversation, did it?" Deidara shrugged. "Besides like I said, I'm not really fluent anymore. I'm too out of practise. You've managed to avoid the subject, yeah."

"You gave me a suitable subject to move to," Itachi countered with a heavy sigh. "Look... Deidara, you know I love you? I really, really do. But..." He released his hands with a guilty look on his face. "I don't think I can marry you. I'm struggling so hard right now to find myself- I don't know if I can change who I am again-"

"What would change?" Deidara interrupted. "Honestly? Nothing would change. We'd still wake up together, we'd still go to bed together, we'd still attend the same college, we'd still screw and kiss and all that other stuff."

"We would change," Itachi said definitely.

"No we wouldn't."

"I think I would. I... I'm not saying no forever, alright? I'm just saying that no, right now I don't think I can marry you. Forgive me, but you'd rather I was honest- you said so yourself."

"Alright," Deidara replied quietly as he gathered their plates together. "When you're ready, come to me. If that's tomorrow or a year or ten years or never, then fine. I'll still be here, yeah."

Even though he sounded alright, Itachi knew that he wouldn't be. However he stayed right where he was while Deidara headed out to the kitchen, sitting at the table as a sombre silence descended over the room. In reality, his main reason for saying no was fear. The idea of having a permanent attachment that wasn't his sibling or parents terrified him. In reality he had already done so, but without a formal piece of paper to back it up he could remain blissfully ignorant, knowing either one of them could walk away at any time. They wouldn't but the option was there, and Uchiha Itachi liked options. He could control things with options, just like he controlled himself and his perfect exterior.

-.-.-

Deidara was a man who usually acted first and thought about the consequences later. He'd acted without thinking so many times before but now, he was sitting on the edge of he and Itachi's shared bed deep in thought. Itachi was asleep in the bed, curled up with the cover and inky hair spread across the pillow. He looked peaceful, and all of Deidara's soul wanted nothing more than to just climb under the covers and join him.

He didn't- he _couldn't_. In the time that had passed since his confrontation with Sasuke, the youngest Uchiha hadn't visited again. His contact with Itachi had been short and not all that sweet, leading Itachi to believe he was having problems with Naruto again. Deidara suspected differently.

He sighed and pulled himself up from the edge of the bed. Watching Itachi sleep, blissfully unaware of the whirlwind in his mind, wasn't going to help. Instead he snatched up his sketchbook and settled at the bedroom desk, setting pencil to paper and releasing some of his frustration in the only way he truly knew how.

He stayed there until daylight began to filter underneath the dark curtains. He hadn't sketched a single thing that would make sense to Itachi, but it all made sense to him. A crushed rose, a deer on a cliff-edge- symbolism that made him snap the sketchbook closed with a heavy sigh and wish he was actually tired. Despite the late hour the last thing on his mind was sleep.

"Deidara?" A tired voice behind him called. Deidara turned and gave Itachi a smile. He was looking up at him sleepily from the covers, eyes narrowed slightly in confusion.

"Morning," he greeted. "Go on, get some more sleep."

Itachi didn't protest, closing his eyes once more and curling the cover up around himself more. Deidara watched him for a few long moments before finally getting up and sliding into the bed with him, staring up at the ceiling as Itachi clasped tiredly onto his side lovingly.

-.-.-

Itachi knew something was amiss the moment he woke up at nine am. Such an act was unusual since if he didn't awaken at five, Deidara had him out of bed by half past. However Deidara was curled up next to him, fast asleep, despite Itachi being sure he'd seen him awake earlier. He couldn't resist putting a hand to his partner's forehead to check if he had a fever though, seeing illness as the only reason he would still be asleep.

He felt fine, so Itachi slipped out of the bed with a frown on his face. It would give him a chance to fix breakfast by himself- Deidara had been snatching the job, even if it was a simple as buttering toast. He'd attempted dinner a few nights beforehand, which Itachi had attempted to rescue before relenting and calling for takeout. Deidara had been trying to prove he could cook without recipes, but all he'd succeeded in doing was burning the pasta he'd been trying to cook. Itachi wasn't even aware you _could_ burn pasta before then, but that's what happened when you set it to boil and left it to go work on some art- you came back to a dry pan with water-inflated, scalded pasta stuck to the bottom.

Before he had the chance to wake his slumbering boyfriend the phone rang. Itachi picked it up and greeted the person on the other end of the phone wearily.

"Nice to hear from you too," the person on the other end of the line sighed. "Did I wake you?"

"Kisame?" Itachi asked, eyes widening in surprise.

"Yeah it's me. Open your front door, would you?"

Itachi jogged down the hall and did just that, smiling at the sight of his old friend on the doorstep. He hung up the phone in his hand and allowed the crushing hug that came moments later, grinning as they pulled apart.

"It's unusual to hear from you any time except Christmas," Itachi mused. "What brings you here?"

"The Blue Reef aquarium in town," Kisame explained. "My unit have been _acquired_ for some work there, so I took the opportunity to visit you while I was around."

"It's great to see you," Itachi enthused, which lasted approximately three seconds until one sleepy Deidara appeared at his side, rubbing his eyes and confused. Of course, Deidara was still acting strangely, and was liable to be even worse with Kisame around. He wasn't exactly jealous, but he wasn't far off of it either.

"Deidara," Kisame greeted with a wave. "Have you been keeping Itachi in line while I've been away, eh?"

Deidara didn't reply, blinking a few times before walking straight past them down the hall to the bathroom to shower. Kisame narrowed his eyes in confusion at Itachi, who gave him a weak smile.

"Did I come at a bad time?"

"No," Itachi replied with a shake of his head. "Actually, I could do with someone to talk to."

Settled at the table with a cup of coffee each, Itachi sighed heavily and closed his eyes in frustration, shaking his head slowly. "I have no idea where to begin," he admitted.

"The beginning," Kisame suggested with a grin.

"You're the same as always I see," Itachi remarked with a tiny smile back.

"Charming? Wonderful?"

"Infuriating," Itachi filled in with a smirk before he frowned again. "Deidara's been acting strangely lately, Sasuke's been out of contact and reluctant to speak to me and my uncle Madara is trying to sabotage my college course in the hopes I'll want to inherit his business one day."

"It sounds like you've been busy."

"Unfortunately so. I think I know what's going on with Sasuke, I can ignore Madara unless he's on my doorstep but Deidara... I have no idea. Or... I do, but I hope it isn't..."

He trailed off uncertainly, looking away from Kisame's gaze.

"You know I can't read minds, right?" Kisame prompted. "What's going on?"

"He asked me to marry him and I said no."

"Why?"

"Because I can't," Itachi replied when no other answer presented itself in his mind.

"Why not?"

"I just can't. Anyway- enough about me, let's talk about you."

"You said you wanted someone to talk to," Kisame hinted.

"I also said let's talk about you," Itachi hinted right back. Kisame shrugged, taking the change of topic gracefully.

"Nothing much. I'll be at the Blue Reef this weekend- you should come down with Deidara, and try and bring your brother along too. We can get something to eat, watch the fishes- you know, all that fun stuff. It would probably do you some good right now."

"Thank you," Itachi replied sincerely. "I appreciate the offer, and I'll definitely be there even if I have to come alone. I need a break."

"How's the therapy going?"

"It's a long story."

"And the medication?"

"It's an even longer story."

"I see. Do you want to catch me up now or at the weekend?"

"The weekend, please. I'm actually expecting a visitor."

"Oh?"

"Madara," Itachi muttered. "My father, too. I hate to kick you out but they'll be here shortly and I haven't told Deidara about them coming yet."

"I get the message," Kisame grinned as he stood. "Thanks for the coffee. And remember- I'm above land so my phone's on, alright? Give me a call if you want to talk before the weekend."

With those words he was gone, leaving Itachi alone at the living room table with his half-empty warm coffee cradled in his hands. Deidara emerged a few minutes later, wrapped in a towel with his hair loose and wet down his back.

"Kisame left already?" He asked.

"We're meeting up at the weekend," Itachi murmured without looking up from his coffee. "Deidara- sit down. I need to talk to you."

"I don't like the sound of that, yeah. What about?"

"Madara and my father are going to be coming here soon," Itachi explained.

"What? Why?"

"To discuss business. In order for my plan to work, I need a favour from you."

"Oh?" Deidara said wearily. "Do I want to know?"

"I need you to leave for an hour or so."

"Why? If you want me to keep my mouth shut, I can do that. I don't like your uncle but I can-"

"No," Itachi interrupted. "I need to pretend we've broken up. I need Madara to trust me."

Deidara stared at him before getting up and making his way to the bedroom. Itachi followed, standing in the doorway awkwardly while Deidara got dressed and tied his wet hair back without a single word.

"Deidara? Talk to me."

"I'm not happy about this," Deidara replied harshly. "Why should I have to go along with something like that for your uncle's benefit?"

"It's important," Itachi reassured him. "Please trust me."

"I do trust you, but sometimes it's hard when you say crazy things."

"It's not crazy. Madara clearly isn't happy about our relationship, so if I pretend it isn't happening anymore-"

"No."

The single word was spoken softly, but it made its impact. Itachi closed his mouth immediately, feeling subdued.

"I'll do anything you want," he whispered. "Please, Deidara. You want me to draw, right? I'll draw, and I'll paint too."

"Are you _bribing_ me?"

"Bargaining," Itachi disagreed. "I need this. I need you to do this. I... I'll marry you. I know you want that, right? This is how important..."

He trailed off, realising from the look on Deidara's face that he'd said the wrong thing.

"You're bargaining with the promise of _marriage_?" Deidara hissed sharply, clenching his fists in anger. "Itachi! You-! Marriage isn't something you do to get your own way, yeah! Marriage is something you do because you love the other person and you want them in your life until the day you _die_! Something you clearly didn't want before-"

"No, that isn't true!" Itachi cut in. "I have issues, Deidara. You know that. Marriage is a frightening prospect, which is why I disagreed _now_. I didn't say it was off the cards completely."

"Yet you can throw around propositions when it suits you?"

"That wasn't the right thing to offer," Itachi admitted.

"That's an understatement," Deidara pointed out as he pushed past his partner. "I'll leave, yeah. It's probably for the best that I don't come back, right?"

"What?" Itachi whispered, his blood running cold. "What are you talking about?"

"All I do is spread my art like a _plague_ ," Deidara responded, not turning around to face Itachi. "That's what Sasuke said, and he's right. You can go ahead and tell him he won, yeah."

With that he stalked to the front door and wrenched it open. Itachi took a single moment to process what Deidara had just said before flying after him, grabbing his arm with enough force to hurt.

"Sasuke said _what_?" He hissed. "What did he say to you?"

"He said enough, yeah."

"What did he _say_?" Itachi asked again, his tone more forceful. "Deidara! Talk to me!"

Deidara simply shook his arm free and carried on walking. Itachi chased him up the garden path until Deidara finally turned to face him, anger on his face and tears on his cheeks.

"Don't follow me," he practically pleaded. "Please, Itachi."

"Then don't leave!"

"You need me to," Deidara pointed out. "For your plan. It was so important you offered marriage for it, yeah. I'll go, and you can sell your soul to your uncle. Just let me know when you're done so I can decide if coming home is the best decision to make or not."

He opened the gate and headed down the path. Respect for his request to be left alone was the only thing that kept Itachi rooted to the spot, before he stalked back inside the house for his coat and keys. It was about time he paid Sasuke a visit, he felt. Madara and his father could wait.


	10. The Lucifer Effect

Sasuke opened the door looking bored, raising an eyebrow at his older brother on the doorstep. Itachi glared straight back at him, eyes narrowed dangerously. The effect was marred by the redness of his eyes, which Sasuke picked up on immediately.

"Why have you been crying?"

"What did you say to Deidara?" Itachi asked in a low hiss, ignoring the question. Sasuke simply stared at him before smirking, the epitome of arrogance. Itachi glared harder at him and grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him forward with one sharp movement. "I _said_ what did you say to Deidara?"

Sasuke pulled himself free, scowling at Itachi. "What happened to your patience?"

"I have none right now. You said something, and I'd like to know what it was."

"I said the truth," Sasuke shrugged.

"And what would that be?"

"What's got _in_ to you?" Sasuke sighed, rolling his eyes at his brother. "Just calm down and stop acting like a madman."

The words were barely out of his mouth before Itachi had him up against the hallway wall, pinning him there while he radiated anger. "It's Madara isn't it?" He asked sharply. "What has he said? What did he _say_ to get you on his side?"

"Who says he said anything?" Sasuke asked, calm in the face of Itachi's anger. His response only angered his usually composed brother further- Itachi clenched his hand around Sasuke's shirt tighter before dropping it, seemingly using all his strength to withhold from smacking him.

"Out with it, Sasuke. He said something, and I want to know what it was. Deidara _left_. I want to know _why_."

"He just showed me the truth," Sasuke replied, though his eyes were wide in shock at the knowledge of Deidara's departure. "Deidara always gets his own way with you, doesn't? He leaves a path of destruction on your life and you don't even _notice_ -"

"Because I don't care!" Itachi raged back, shouting over him. "I love him, Sasuke! So what if he's infuriating sometimes? So are _you_ but that doesn't mean I don't love you, even if right now I'd like to knock you senseless."

"You wouldn't," Sasuke replied sharply.

"No," Itachi murmured, his anger seemingly beginning to drain away as he unclenched his fists, looking more and more defeated. "Deidara said to tell you that you'd won, but he's wrong. You're wrong, too."

With that he turned and exited the house, leaving Sasuke to watch him stalk determinedly up the garden path. The moment he was out of sight he leant against the doorframe and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the guilt creeping up on him.

-.-.-

Going to see Sasuke probably wasn't the best of ideas, but Deidara didn't care. His ideas were never all that clever, after all. However he didn't expect to find Sasuke sitting on his own doorstep, a cigarette in hand and looking deep in thought about something.

"Oh," Sasuke mused as he glanced up, narrowing his eyes. "It's you."

"We're going to talk," Deidara warned as he sat down next to Sasuke. Surprisingly Sasuke didn't argue or move, simply staying quiet.

"I heard you left my brother."

"Something like that. I don't know, yeah."

"I warned you if you hurt him again I'd break your face."

"First you tell me to leave, and now you tell me you aren't happy that I have?" Deidara sighed. "Make your mind up, Uchiha."

"Itachi came to see me," Sasuke murmured.

"Is... Is he alright?" Deidara asked cautiously.

"Not really. For the first time in my life I actually thought he was going to kick my ass- he's scary when he's annoyed, you know."

"So what did Madara tell you?"

"Stuff," Sasuke shrugged, putting out his cigarette. "Look, I feel guilty as hell about all of this, all right? When I realised how upset Itachi was about this..." He paused, throwing his hands up in frustration. "You're _suited_ or something- that kills me to say, you know. But you are, and he needs you. Go home and make up with him."

Deidara smirked at that. "I thought you'd be jumping at the chance to keep us split up, yeah."

"Me too," Sasuke sighed deeply. "But I can't stand seeing my brother like that, and I definitely can't live with being to blame."

"I'm going to bet you didn't tell him that."

"I didn't think about it until he'd left," Sasuke admitted, having the grace to look a touch ashamed.

"It's not just you," Deidara admitted softly when they'd been sitting in silence, both thinking about their respective joint issue of Itachi. "Your brother sucks at reading the mood sometimes, yeah. He said something that really angered me."

"What was it?"

Deidara hesitated for a moment. "Well, I proposed recently," he admitted, cheeks stained slightly red in embarrassment.

"You did? He never told me that."

"He turned me down. But he tried to use it as a bargaining tool- he said he needed me gone so he could pretend to Madara that we'd broken up."

"Why?"

"He needs Madara to trust him." Deidara halted, giving Sasuke a suspicious look. "I'm not telling you any more, yeah. You're in league with him."

"No I'm not," Sasuke hissed back. "I can't do that to my brother. I tried- I can be an asshole to anybody, but not Itachi. It's like kicking a puppy or something."

"He won't be pleased that you likened him to a puppy," Deidara remarked with a good natured grin.

" _No_ , I mean- he's so kind and loving, and he protects me even when I'm acting like a jerk. For him to be so angry with me about something is rare and I don't like it. I want to fix this, and so you need to go make up with him so I can stop feeling like I want to go jump off a bridge or something."

"Dramatic aren't you?" Deidara grinned, earning a customary scowl from Sasuke. "I don't appreciate him using the marriage idea as a bargaining tool, yeah."

"This is Itachi," Sasuke pointed out. "He's inept when it comes to this kind of thing. Cut him some slack- I'm sure he feels terrible about it as it is."

"He'd better do."

"Marriage aside, do you want to spend your life with him?"

"I wouldn't have proposed if I didn't."

"Right. So get the fuck off of my doorstep and go make up."

"I told you, I can't. He's with Madara, and he needs to think we've broken up."

"Is that so?" Sasuke mused, pulling himself to a stand. "Come on, Blondie. Itachi's not the only one who can weave a decent plan around here."

-.-.-

Sasuke led them back to their house, explaining his idea as they walked. Fugaku's car was parked outside, as was Madara's, signalling that they had arrived and were talking business.

"Perfect," Sasuke praised. "Go on, open up the door."

Deidara did so, leaving Sasuke to stalk through and slam open the living room door. Itachi, Madara and Fugaku were seated around the table together and all glanced round in shocked unison.

"Not right now, Sasuke," Itachi told him firmly. "How did you get in anyway?"

"Me," Deidara replied, stepping inside the room and making his presence known.

"Itachi tells me you've broken up," Madara interjected smoothly."How unfortunate."

"I'm here to help them make up again," Sasuke said determinedly.

"Is that so?" Madara remarked with one eyebrow raised. "That's unexpected from you, Sasuke."

"We're in the middle of an important discussion," Itachi cut in, his voice level. "Please leave."

"Not until you've talked to each other."

"I have nothing to say," Itachi replied evenly. Deidara watched him in wonder, seeing no hint of anything but indifference in his eyes. His years of pretending to be perfect had given him the chance to work on a remarkable poker face.

Deidara had to resist a smirk. Sasuke had told him to storm in and act dramatic- if Madara was going to think they'd broken up, then he should get a decent show to 'prove' it. Itachi would be none the wiser, but since he wanted his uncle to believe that he wouldn't do anything except play along. It was genius really, even if Deidara would never admit it to Sasuke.

"But I love you!" He cried, clenching his hands together. "Please don't do this, Itachi!"

"I made my opinion clear," Itachi replied, though there was a tiny flicker of confusion at Deidara's words. After all, Deidara had been the one to leave, rather than Itachi throwing him out. Regardless, as planned he didn't say a word about it. "Please leave."

"But Itachi-"

"You heard him, boy," Fugaku snapped, joining the conversation and rising threatening from the table. Apparently Itachi hadn't clued him in on the charade, judging by the look on his face. "He told you to leave, so you'd best make yourself scarce."

"Come back for your things later," Itachi told him. "Until then, get out."

"Come on," Sasuke muttered, indicating to the door and ushering Deidara out into the hallway. Determined not to have his act cut short, Deidara began to wail and sob into his hands.

"Itachi!" He called as Sasuke nudged him towards the door. " _Itachi_!"

"You can stop making a scene now," Sasuke hissed as he shoved him back outside.

"Can we go for ice cream?" Deidara asked the moment the door was shut, cheering up from his fake crying instantly.

Sasuke sighed and rolled his eyes. "I _suppose_ ," he consented. The added 'it's the least I can do' rang out in the silence, unvoiced but clearly felt by both parties.

-.-.-

Itachi had quite a few problems on his hands- namely, the complete mess that had just occurred in his living room in the form of his brother and his boyfriend. He'd administered damage control as best he could to save his father storming down the warpath about his boyfriend, managing to grab him aside as he and Madara had made to leave.

"We haven't broken up," he'd hissed quietly, much to his father's confusion. "Don't tell him that, and I'll call you later."

Fugaku had stared at him for a moment, perhaps thinking his eldest son was deranged, before nodding slowly and following Madara to the car. Itachi had practically slammed the door behind him, sighing in relief and knowing he'd helped one problem.

The second, Sasuke, would prove to be trickier. Despite all his bravado and harsh talk about hating Deidara, it was clearly all an act. At least, this was what Itachi gathered from the phone-call he'd just shared with him, after discovering they were eating ice cream together.

At first he'd wanted to rush straight there. Instead, he'd sat down and stared into space attempting to get his thoughts into place. He didn't have any idea what had happened, but Deidara had come back and had acted along with his plan. That meant some level of forgiveness in Itachi's mind, but that didn't stop him from acting like a hopeless romantic in an attempt to make it up to his partner.

He entered the ice cream parlour roughly half an hour or so later, clutching a box of chocolates and a single red rose. He wasn't a romantic person by nature, but somehow he felt he owed it to his partner to do _something_ to show how sorry he was.

"I'm sorry," he apologised as he reached Sasuke and Deidara's table. Saying the words was always a good start. He laid the chocolates down and held the rose out. "I shouldn't have-"

"Itachi," Deidara cut in as he slowly took the rose. "What in the hell is this? I'm not a girl, yeah. This is kind of pathetic."

Itachi stared at him before glancing across to Sasuke, who was smothering his laughter into his hands. "I'm not impressed with you still," he snapped, which instantly dispelled the mirth in his younger sibling's eyes.

"Sit," Deidara beckoned. Itachi did so, looking down at his hands guiltily. "You shouldn't have said what you did, but it's happened now. I appreciate that you're sorry and that's enough, as long as you really mean it."

"I do," Itachi replied immediately, looking up at him sharply. "Honestly, Deidara."

"Then that's enough," Deidara grinned, before tearing the petals off of the rose and arranging them on the table in what Itachi presumed was an artistic manner.

"I'm sorry too I suppose," Sasuke muttered, earning Itachi's attention. "Like I told Blondie, you're suited. I don't have to like it, but it's not my life to live. If you're happy- fine, whatever."

"Is that supposed to be an apology?" Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow inquisitively.

"What more do you want from me?" Sasuke snapped, folding his arms in annoyance. "At least I'm not buying you roses and chocolates like a sappy fool."

"You can't get out of this that easily," Itachi told him firmly. "You allowed Madara to manipulate you. You attacked Deidara in an uncouth manner that makes me very angry, and-"

"It's fine," Deidara cut in, surprising Itachi. "He might not have gone around it the right way, but Sasuke was right. I _am_ just leeching off of you, yeah. You might not view it that way, but technically that's what I do. I have a way of fixing it."

"You don't need-"

"Shush," Deidara cut in again. "Let me talk, Itachi. I'm going to enrol in the evening cooking class at college. It's one night a week, and hopefully it'll teach me how to cook without having to follow a recipe every time, yeah. I know it's not much, but it's a start."

"That doesn't mean that Sasuke's attitude was okay," Itachi pointed out, turning to glare at his brother again. Sasuke stared straight back, not one to be easily intimidated. "I will forgive this transgression _once_ , Sasuke. If you attempt anything like this again to fuck with my relationship, then you and I will fall out. Are we clear?"

Sasuke nodded swiftly. The moment Itachi had cursed at him had snapped his attention and his attitude fully into line. "You have my blessing," he sighed begrudgingly.

"I don't care for your blessing- I just want you to tell me you won't do Madara's bidding any longer."

"No, I won't."

"Good. Then shall we move on from this sorry mess?"

"That sounds like a good plan," Deidara agreed. "Except one thing, yeah. You offered to draw."

Itachi stared at him before looking skyward. "Yes, I did, didn't I?"

"Then I want to see you draw," Deidara concluded with a grin. "I know you've been trying to tell me how you're creative in other ways, but I don't care about that. You offered, so now I want you to keep your word."

" _Fine_ ," Itachi sighed. It was the very least he could given the circumstances, and right then he was happy to do anything to keep the unstable peace that had finally been created.

-.-.-

When Deidara was fast asleep that night, Itachi slipped out of bed and cautiously grabbed a box of his partner's art supplies on his way to the living room. Opening it up, he sighed and frowned at the array of different things in front of him. All he knew was that pencils were for drawing with and paints were for colouring. He knew the difference between a 3H and a 5B pencil, but he had no idea why it _mattered_.

He quickly closed the box and tried another one- Deidara had boxes and boxes of supplies, most of it seemingly the same thing. Deidara would argue that it wasn't, or that a certain shade of paint that looked identical to another _was not identical in the slightest_ , and the next thing Itachi would know he'd have accidently started an argument. That was why he was sitting underneath a lamp at gone midnight, a piece of blank paper in front of him and absolutely no idea what to do with it. Consulting Deidara was out of the question.

He stared blankly into space and let his mind wander, hoping an idea would magically appear. As he did so he began to doodle on the paper, wondering just how Deidara took so much pleasure from such a simple act. Then again, he was aware that it a hobby, and since he himself had no actual hobbies of his own he couldn't really compare. Attempting to be perfect and reading the occasional book weren't hobbies, in the same way getting dragged to the pub for drinks and snooker with Sasuke wasn't a night out (Itachi would call it orchestrated torture, but that was another story).

He noticed with a start his doodles had begun to take the shape of Madara's cat. At least in his eyes it was supposed to be Madara's cat, but instead it looked as though it might possibly have some kind of physical or mental deficiency. Aside from being anatomically impossible, Itachi was struck with the feeling that should such a cat exist in real life he would probably have it put down to end its misery. Either way it gave him an idea as he hastily scribbled it out, grabbing a clean sheet of paper. If his mind wanted to draw a cat, a cat it would draw.

-.-.-

The following morning Deidara awoke at his usual five am, carefully slipping from the bed so he didn't wake Itachi up. He put one hand to the bedroom door to open it before halting, frowning in the darkness at what appeared to be a picture stuck on the door. He tugged it off lightly and stepped into the hallway, switching the light on to make it out.

A rough yet recognisable picture of a cat greeted him. It had been coloured with pencils in browns and golds, much like Madara's calico Miya. Deidara admired the colours with a hint of pride- Itachi _did_ have some creative flare after all, even if his cat wasn't the greatest. His colours were superb.

Of course, since he was Deidara, he didn't react to the picture's crowning glory- a set of cross googly eyes attached in the correct place, jiggling as he walked through to the living room with a smile on his face.

Another picture was attached to the living room door. This time it was of a brown dog, complete with a set of happy googly eyes. Deidara took that one down as well, eagerly hunting the rest of the house for more.

The kitchen had a grey rabbit, complete with what Deidara liked to call 'five year olds grass'- a green squiggly line beneath the paws of the rabbit. He would never say that to Itachi's face of course, but it made him chuckle none the less. This time the googly eyes were normal, though Deidara found himself analysing the colours more than anything.

The bathroom door was a seahorse, with huge googly eyes far too big for its body. This time Deidara laughed outright, pulling it from the door and adding it to the collection in his hands before heading for the front door. It was the only one he hadn't checked, and he wasn't disappointed- taped to it was one last picture, and in Deidara's eyes it was the most spectacular of all.

Itachi wasn't a great artist. They both knew that, but he tried which was the most important thing. However this time the animal in question was in proportion- though neither of them would be able to say for sure, since Deidara was quite sure he had never actually seen a real unicorn that didn't involve some kind of hallucinogenic drug. It had been left plain on the white background but Itachi had coloured its tail and mane in pink and drawn a rainbow in the background to accent... Well, Deidara wasn't sure, but he liked it. He especially liked the stars Itachi had drawn in a trail behind the mythical beast, coloured with silver metallic marker. To top it off it also owned a set of googly eyes, though these ones were small and normal looking. Deidara tugged it off the door, catching a small note written on the back in Itachi's handwriting.

_This one was pretty fun._

He smiled widely and took the collection through to the living room, opening up a box that he kept old sketches in and placing them carefully inside. He wanted to keep them just in case Itachi never picked up a pencil again- which would be a shame, he mused as he made coffee. He really was good with colours.


	11. Unicorns Exist, I Promise!

Itachi was beginning to regret the unicorn. Deidara had made comment along the lines of 'this picture was clearly drawn by a gay man', which had led to a heated discussion where Itachi had pointed out the vast difference between being gay and being bisexual, in which Deidara had declared he didn't care _what_ his boyfriend wanted to indentify as, as long as he drew more 'camp unicorns' to decorate the house with.

Itachi had disagreed, and Deidara had been strangely quiet. Itachi knew that meant he was planning something, though he didn't know at the time exactly what. A couple of weeks later he had received his answer, awakening to the scent of paint and going to the source of it in the living room with a sense of dread.

Deidara had been merrily humming a song while he painted silver metallic stars on the wall, turning and giving Itachi a grin. "Look!" He had declared. "It's a unicorn!"

Itachi could see it was a unicorn. It was a unicorn that was now taking up most of his living room wall and threatening to kill him via increased blood pressure. Deidara had painted his previously cream wall pink, then painted a white unicorn on top of it that was seemingly vomiting a trail of silver stars around it while racing along a rainbow. Itachi had never seen anything so tacky in his entire life, and he'd been witness to Deidara dressed like David Bowie.

"You inspired me," Deidara had declared proudly, and in that moment Itachi wanted nothing more than to teleport back in time and repeatedly tell his past self that the unicorn was a _terrible_ idea. And so, he had started a mental vendetta against unicorns. Knowing he'd wake up to a real unicorn tied up in his garden, if such a thing was possible, he'd not dared to touch Deidara's artwork. Instead he'd taken to simply attempt to ignore its existence, which made things remarkably difficult when Madara turned up at the door unannounced.

"Were you busy?" He asked in greeting when Itachi opened the door and gaped at him, eyes wide in shock. As it was Madara had interrupted a rather hot and heavy make out session in the shower, and thus Itachi was standing in a towelling gown soaking wet and thoroughly annoyed.

"I was in the shower," he replied, though it was unnecessary since that much was obvious. "Can I help?"

What he had really wanted to say was 'you cannot come inside because there is a giant painting of a mystical creature upon my walls, thus proving Deidara is still very much a part of my life', but he bit his tongue. Madara often had that effect on people.

"I'd like you to draw me up a contract," Madara responded as he breezed into the house uninvited, pushing Itachi aside.

"Let me get dressed," Itachi told him before darting back into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door and turning to Deidara. "Climb out the window," he hissed.

"Do I look I can? The window is tiny, yeah."

"You need to get out of the way- we're supposed to have broken up!"

"I think the giant unicorn is going to tell him we haven't."

Itachi glared at him, quickly drying and dressing before sighing heavily and going out to face Madara. He made sure to close the living room door behind him loudly, giving Deidara his cue to vanish to the bedroom unseen.

Madara was, of course, inspecting the unicorn. "Interesting choice," he mused. "I presume this is a remnant of Deidara's stay here?"

"That and the sun in the kitchen," Itachi replied, before swiftly changing the subject before Madara could remember it hadn't been present on his last visit. "I presume my father reminded you of my address?"

"He did. He suggested you may as well put your studies of law to good use and write this contract."

Itachi happily took up a pen and paper, suppressing a grin. He'd spoken to his father about pushing the idea to Madara- Fugaku had been uneasy about the idea of deception but apparently he had followed through with the suggestion regardless.

"Of course," he replied. "Just tell me which things you would like to be included, if you have any special conditions or so forth."

"I don't want you weaselling out of this," Madara warned. "I want it in writing that you have to take over from your father if I give the business to him."

"I see you are no longer attempting to be secretive about your desires," Itachi remarked, his voice indifferent but his eyes steely.

"I want you on my side," Madara agreed. "Ideally I want you working for me right now, but your father insists you're set on becoming a teacher like your cousin. It's such a waste, it really is. A mind like yours should be working the stock market, not teaching brats how to count to five."

"I wish to teach geography, not mathematics," Itachi told him blithely as he took some notes on the paper, telling himself to step above the remarks and keep the moral high ground in the conversation. "Is there anything else in particular you would like me to add?"

"Just the usual," Madara replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I'm sure you know what you're doing. I'll be checking it though, so don't think you can sneak in any get out of jail free cards."

"Listen," Itachi hissed, setting the pen down as he was unable to keep his silence any longer. "I'm doing this for my father, so I could do without your witticisms."

"And I could do without your attitude. Yet another unfortunate trait you seem to have picked up from your ex. It's probably a good thing you kicked him out when you did, you know, else I'll be hearing stories of you working for charity and fostering kittens next. Such things are unbecoming of an Uchiha."

"Being kind and acting like a pleasant human being are unbecoming acts for an Uchiha?"

"Indeed. You should ask your brother about that, the little brat. He has clearly inherited the usual attitude of an Uchiha."

Itachi nearly snapped the pen he was holding in half. "Leave Sasuke out of this."

"Ah, have I riled protective big brother?" Madara smiled patronisingly. "My apologies. I'll be back in a week's time to collect the contract."

He stood to make his way, gladly herded by Itachi who gave him a pleasant smile at the front door, waved him goodbye and shut the door calmly. Deidara emerged from the bedroom in time to see him turn and stalk down the hallway with thunder in his eyes.

"Did it go well?" Deidara ventured to ask almost nervously, disliking Itachi's flared temper.

"That man is abhorrent," Itachi hissed in response. "He- he- I'm sorry, but I have nothing pleasant to say about him."

"Then say something unpleasant about him."

"I am above such behaviour."

The doorbell startled them both. Deidara hid back in the bedroom, leaving Itachi to answer the door once more.

"I left my car keys on the table," Madara explained. "Run and fetch them, would you?"

Itachi stared at him for a moment before stepping aside, clearly inviting Madara to get his own keys. Madara stared back and leant against the doorframe for emphasis.

"I'll stand here all day if I must," Madara sighed when a full minute passed, where neither of them would give ground. Itachi finally relented, but only to get Madara off of his front doorstep.

"Here," he snapped, tossing the keys back at Madara.

"You're so touchy!" Madara chided. "You need to learn when to bark, Itachi, and I assure you it isn't at me."

He reached out and tapped Itachi on the nose patronisingly like one would a dog, leaving the man in question to slam the door behind his uncle this time. Deidara tentatively poked his head round the doorframe to see Itachi still standing by the front door, hands clenched tightly enough to whiten his knuckles and clearly seething.

"Please ignore my last comment," he remarked, his voice clipped. "He's a fucking jackass."

Deidara said nothing, smothering a snicker with his hand.

-.-.-

That night, whilst curled up in the bed together, Itachi took a moment to relish in just how lucky he actually was. Deidara was curled up sleepily against his naked side, slowly beginning to drift into sleep, but for once Itachi had other plans for him. He shifted so he was sitting up, jolting Deidara awake a little more. He glanced up with tired, confused eyes that Itachi couldn't help but smile at.

"We've been busy lately," Itachi shrugged awkwardly. "And my life has, once again, been centred around drama. How about we just take a moment?"

Deidara returned his smile, gently tugging Itachi back down and curling up next to him again. "I'm listening, yeah."

"Can you tell me more about Norway?" Itachi murmured, absently brushing one hand through Deidara's hair. "I can't believe I didn't know that about you."

"It isn't something I like to bring up actually," Deidara replied quietly. "I don't _hide_ it, as such, but I don't really bring it up. My life in Norway was terrible. I wish I could tell you wonderful stories about it, but I can't." He paused, musing for a moment before continuing. "I can tell you it's a beautiful country, though."

"I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Deidara replied with a light chuckle. "My life story really isn't very interesting. My parents had an abusive relationship, but my mother was someone who just couldn't say no or walk away, yeah. I don't blame her for it, but I can't say we really get along wonderfully now. One of the reasons she helped fund my time in Europe after school as out of guilt."

"How did you end up in this country?"

"Dad put me in hospital," Deidara shrugged. Itachi's eyes widened and he tightened his grip around his partner protectively. "My mum was actually born here so I guess it was natural that she came back in a fit of courage. Of course that meant dad knew where we were."

"How did he find you?"

"Mum," Deidara sighed heavily. "When he followed us here he got in contact, apologised, and wormed his way back into her life, yeah. I was so angry about that. He hadn't changed but this time I wasn't prepared to stand for it, so I moved out as soon as I could. I felt like I was abandoning my mother but I couldn't help her if she wouldn't help herself."

"Where's your father now?"

"Who knows?" Deidara replied airily. "Honestly- I don't know, and I don't care. He eventually left, yeah. Mum started talking back last I heard, so I guess he went to go find another weak-willed woman to prey on."

For a moment Itachi felt crushing guilt for his own privileged life- all his problems were ones he had conjured or allowed to spiral out of control. His home environment might have been strained but his parents never once laid a hand on him. There was always a roof over his head, food on the table and a stable environment to grow and thrive within.

"Stop feeling bad," Deidara chuckled, as though he had read Itachi's mind. "I know you. What's done is done, and all that matters is we're here together now, right?"

"True," Itachi conceded, planting a soft kiss on Deidara's forehead. "And I love that we are. How about we make a pact? In future, if either of us is annoying about something- _especially_ if it's something the other person has said or done- how about me make it clear and work through it at the time? I don't want you walking out on me because my brother's an idiot, for example."

"And I don't want you hiding your mental issues, yeah. I know you're a headcase. I don't need that to be hidden."

"Funny," Itachi chuckled as he leaned over a flicked the light out, bathing the room in soft, pleasant moonlight. He could feel how tired he was and the look on Deidara's face same the same thing. "I think the same thing about you."

-.-.-

Saturday morning arrived not a day too soon for Itachi, who was rather looking forward to wasting a day at the aquarium with Kisame. Sasuke had decided to come along for the day, though Itachi knew that right then his little brother was feeling rather guilty and would do almost anything asked of him by his dearest big brother. He'd brought a gift with him when he arrived- a plastic box, which he had handed to Deidara.

"Cinnamon cake," Sasuke had said before Deidara could comment. "It's been a while since I made one, and I thought you guys would appreciate it."

The look on his face also said 'this is also an apology for contributing to you guys breaking up, but I am far too proud to actually say so out loud so you will just have to decipher it from my look'. Fortunately Deidara got the meaning and thanked him, taking it back into the house.

They had been waiting for the younger Uchiha on the pavement by the car, Itachi hoping Sasuke wouldn't enter the house and see his new living room mural. However Sasuke had followed Deidara inside, so he had no choice but to allow it to happen.

Sasuke had stopped in the doorway, eyes on the unicorn before he laughed so hard he choked. "Nice decor," he had complemented his brother. "Are you _trying_ to advertise your homosexual tendencies to everyone that enters your home, because the only thing you need to do right now that would be _more_ gay than this would be to bang Deidara on your sofa in front of guests."

Itachi ushered him straight back out of the house again, scowling at Deidara as they went, before making sure the topic didn't come up again on the drive to the aquarium.

"So what's Kisame doing here today?" Sasuke asked as they paid their admission fee, which was exorbitant considering what it was for.

"I don't actually know," Itachi mused. "Considering what he does, it's probably something related to the fish here."

They got their answer a minute or so later when they headed into the main lobby, only to find a person dressed in a shark mascot outfit make a beeline for them, waving cheerily.

"Itachi!" It called, confirming the man in question's suspicions. "Hey!"

"When you said you were working here, this isn't quite what I expected," Itachi commented, before he found himself being swept into a fierce hug by a giant shark. "Kisame! Let go!"

"Spoil sport," Kisame joked, but he heeded the request. "This is so much fun, Itachi, I tell you. I've made five children cry this morning already!"

"That sounds like my kind of job," Sasuke snickered, giving Kisame a rare smile. "It's good to see you outside of Christmas."

"And you. How are you keeping?"

"Not bad thanks. You?"

"Oh you know, the usual," Kisame shrugged as best he could wearing a costume. "Finishing my work experience, ending up with no home, living out of my car- you know, that kind of thing."

"What happened?" Itachi asked in surprise. "Is everything alright?"

"I'll catch up with you in the cafeteria around twelve thirty," Kisame promised. "It's not as bad as it sounds- I'll explain later."

Itachi wasn't pleased with that idea, gently nudging Deidara and Sasuke away so it was just him and Kisame. "If you need somewhere to stay you only have to ask," he noted seriously.

Kisame laughed, waving a hand dismissively. "You have your own life to worry about. But if you must know, I'm waiting for my mother to get back from her holiday- I called her and told her the problem and of course, she decided sitting on the beach drinking cocktails was more important than mailing me a set of keys or something. She's probably scaring people wearing her bikini as we speak."

"Don't be so rude about your mother," Itachi chided gently.

"Says the guy who up until recently couldn't stand his own. You're hardly in a position to preach to me. Besides- I love her, she knows that, and so do you before you start giving me shit. I just don't love her tendency to drop everything when my dad says so. Of course it was _his_ idea to fly off to Jamaica."

"If you want somewhere to stay in the meantime, just ask," Itachi reiterated with a serious tone in his voice, before pointing past Kisame's shoulder. "There's a group of children coming in. Don't you have a job to do?"

"Twelve thirty," Kisame repeated as he headed off immediately in the direction of the soon-to-be terrified children. "See you in the cafeteria!"

"What's with him?" Sasuke asked as Itachi rejoined them, eyes narrowed very slightly in concern.

"I'm not entirely sure," Itachi replied. "I'll find out later, hopefully. Shall we go and do something fun?"

"This is an aquarium. I'm not entirely sure there's much here that's 'fun'," Sasuke pointed out. "But there's a pool outside where you can hold starfish, if that appeals."

"That sounds nice," Itachi mused, turning to Deidara. "Deida- what are you _doing_?"

"Hmm?" Deidara hummed, turning back to Itachi innocently. "What?"

Itachi glared at him and indicated the poster they were standing next to. It had a few various sea animals on it, which was entirely normal. What _wasn't_ normal was the googly eyes attached to animals, making them all look completely ridiculous.

"It was like that when we got here," Deidara attempted to protest.

"Of course it was. Remove them."

Deidara looked unhappy, but did as requested. Itachi turned to Sasuke, who raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Why are you with him again?" He asked.

"You know, sometimes I have no idea," Itachi sighed heavily. "Because I love him, I suppose."

"You should probably talk to your therapist about that. She might be able to cure you."

Itachi glanced over at Deidara once more, who was surreptitiously attempting to draw on the poster instead with a marker. "I don't think so," he mused quietly. "I quite like it sometimes- but don't tell him that, will you?"


	12. Under The Sea

Lunchtime couldn't come soon enough for Itachi. He gave Sasuke and Deidara some money and pushed them in the direction of... Well, he didn't know. The direction of _anywhere_ that was away from him, telling them to play nicely while he sought out Kisame. The morning had been rather hellish- starfish had been a nice idea in theory, but it was less nice when Deidara had noticed a sign for dolphins nearby. He'd dragged Itachi and Sasuke along to find that, for a fee, you could feed said animals. He'd then spent the next hour sitting on the edge of the pool, screeching back at the dolphins when they screeched as though they might actually understand him. Itachi had eventually left him to it and decided the starfish were better company, especially given the looks the dolphin handlers had given him for his boyfriend's insane actions.

It wasn't hard to find Kisame in the cafeteria, standing near the doorway waving at families as they passed him still in costume.

"Are you free?" He asked with a smile as he approached him.

"I am," Kisame confirmed. "I was just passing the time while I waited. I'll get you a coffee- get us a table, alright?"

Once they were sitting at a table, coffee and cake in front of them, Kisame removed his shark headpiece and flashed Itachi a broad smile.

"So," Itachi began in response. "I've sent Deidara and Sasuke off together. I hope they don't kill each other, so let's not beat around the bush here. What's going on, and what can I do to help?"

"You're as kind as always," Kisame sighed with a smile. "I'll be fine. This job's only part time but my mother's going to be putting me up and getting me back on my feet when she returns."

"If you won't stay with me, at least let me cook you a meal from time to time."

"Stop fussing," Kisame chided lightly. "I'm a grown man, Itachi! Stop acting like such a woman. I swear, getting into a relationship's domesticated you."

"Showing concern for my oldest friend is hardly a sign of becoming 'domesticated'. When is your mother coming back?"

"Next week, she hopes. You know what my dad's like though- it could be a month. 'Come to Jamaica with me, woman!' and she goes crawling back like she has done for the last fifteen years and does exactly what he says. You wouldn't think they were divorced."

"Some people can't live with or without each other," Itachi chuckled ruefully, his mind immediately thinking of Sasuke and Naruto.

"Enough about me- I want the gossip on you," Kisame ordered as he picked up his coffee. "How's the therapy and the medication?"

"Both are better now than they were before."

"There were problems?"

"Something like that. I had to change the medication because the side effects were messing with me, and Deidara and my brother set my therapist straight with some more details she was missing."

"I bet she was missing them because you didn't tell her, right?"

"That's irrelevant," Itachi told him firmly as he sipped his coffee and fixed him with a look that suggested he change the subject.

"Alright then- what about the marriage thing?"

"It's not happening."

"Oh come on!" Kisame protested. "You love the guy, don't you?"

"Yes, of course!"

"So what's the big deal?"

"Am I the only one who can see why getting married would be a terrible idea?" Itachi remarked with a sigh. "Look at me, Kisame. I'm a guy getting over a perfection complex, who struggles sometimes to function like a normal person. What possible good would getting married and adding that level of stress to myself do?"

"Why would it be stressful?"

"It's Deidara!" Itachi protested. "Why _wouldn't_ it be stressful?"

"I don't know- he seems like a nice guy."

"He is, but he's insane."

"Even so, it's not about him, is it? It's about you."

"Of course it's about me," Itachi muttered. "If it was him, we wouldn't be together."

"So what's the deal with your uncle Madara?" Kisame asked, finally relenting on the topic much to Itachi's relief.

"He wants me to take over the family business from my father, should he give it to my father in the first place. He's using every dirty trick in the book to get me, but don't worry about that." He smirked, giving Kisame a tiny grin. "I have a plan, and it's all falling into place. With any luck both my father and I will get what we want, and Madara won't know how I've done it."

"Typical Uchiha sneakiness," Kisame sighed. "I expected such things from your brother, but it's nice to see it from you for a change. You were always too proper. It used to drive me mad. You never wanted to do the things I suggested."

"That's because your suggestions usually involved alcohol and seedy bars in backstreets, Kisame."

"What's the problem with that?"

"I was fifteen?"

"I fail to see your point."

"You've met my father. Please tell me how turning up home completely totalled whilst underage could be construed as a good idea in his eyes."

Kisame shrugged leisurely. "Details, Itachi, details. You were too perfect for such behaviour, I know."

"Indeed. Instead I got to drag you home- you realise how much shorter than you I am? That was no easy task. I have no idea how your mother put up with it."

"Because she was five times as bad when she was young!" Kisame protested. "She always liked you, you know. She'd be all 'why can't you be more like Itachi?' at me."

"You don't want to be more like me," Itachi noted ruefully. "It was... Well, it was sort-of fun to be honest, looking back."

"The good old days," Kisame chuckled. "Now I'm back in the area, perhaps we could have more of those times. Do you drink these days?"

"I have been known to drink to excess occasionally."

"Excellent. You can bring Deidara too, of course."

"If you _want_ to get shown up by him, sure. He's the type that finds dancing on tables whilst drunk the epitome of comedy."

"And that's why you love him," Kisame noted with a cheeky grin. "And precisely why you should marry him."

"This again? Can't you just accept my decision?"

"I've never seen you this way, Itachi. You're..." Kisame paused, struggling to think of the right word. "More laid back, almost. Meeting Deidara and addressing your complex has done you the world of good."

"Thank you," Itachi replied with a small smile. "However we will have to continue this another time. If I'm not mistaken, that shrill voice coming up behind us is my lovely boyfriend, and that agitated voice answering him is my poor, put upon brother."

"Itachi, tell him he's a moron," Sasuke complained as he and Deidara came to Itachi's side. "He was _talking_ to the fish."

"A lot of people talk to animals, Sasuke."

"Sure, but do other people draw speech bubbles on the glass, write in them and then attempt to take photographs of the fish in the right position to make it look as though the fish are talking back?"

Itachi glanced at Deidara, who was scowling at Sasuke with his arms crossed. "No," he relented. "They do not. Deidara- explain yourself without using the word 'art'."

Deidara turned his scowl on Itachi. "Det heter din megge," he snapped.

"Using Norwegian to insult me is horribly unfair, Deidara. How does that even work anyway? You can't remember most of the language, but you can insult me?"

"Who says it was an insult?" Deidara countered, but his cheeky smile gave him away. "Besides, of course I can remember the bad words! Who wouldn't?"

"He called you a bitch," Kisame cut in helpfully. Deidara turned to him, looking momentarily aghast. "What? Learning to curse in foreign languages is practically mandatory when you spend so many months undersea with no other way to entertain yourselves. I worked with a lot of Europeans who taught me."

"Since when you could speak Norwegian?" Sasuke asked Deidara suspiciously.

"Since I was born there?" Deidara replied, rolling his eyes as though it was common knowledge, when it clearly hadn't been.

"So why the fuck do we have you over here now?"

"Because I moved here!"

"I wish you hadn't."

"Enough," Itachi sighed, holding up his hands in an attempt to mollify them. "We're going to go and look at fishes and pretend that you are both capable of acting like rational adults."

"I'm heading back to work," Kisame noted, standing up and putting his shark suit headpiece back on. "Later guys."

He waved and headed off, leaving Itachi to mediate the storm brewing between his partner and brother. The last thing he wanted was for either of them to find a stray fish-tank somewhere and attempt to drown one another.

-.-.-

"So what's that?"

"I have no idea, Deidara," Itachi sighed. "I know as much about fish as you do. Read the signs."

"It's a nice colour, yeah. It's vivid," Deidara mused before snapping a photo of it. The flash startled the gathered fish, sending them swimming away rapidly. Deidara, miraculously, realised his mistake and sheepishly turned the flash off before snapping a few more shots.

"It's a Butterflyfish," Sasuke noted in a bored tone, leaning against the side of the tank looking as though he'd rather be anywhere else but his present location.

"How do you know that?" Deidara asked, narrowing his eyes apprehensively.

"Because I'm not a moron."

"Helpful, Uchiha. What about that one that looks like Nemo?"

"It's a Clownfish. Any more stupid questions? Would you like to know what that little creature sticking out behind that rock is?"

"That's a seahorse!" Deidara exclaimed excitedly, snapping some pictures and ignoring Sasuke's sarcastic jibe. "Aw, he's so cute! Hello little guy!"

"It can't hear you. Even if it could, it can't understand you."

"Leave it Sasuke," Itachi sighed, shaking his head in an attempt to defuse a potential argument. "As I said earlier, a lot of people talk to animals."

"Are those people all clinically insane?"

"No, Sasuke. Don't be rude."

"So what's the deal with Kisame?" Sasuke asked, seamlessly changing the subject. Deidara glanced towards them as well, indicating he was listening.

"Ah- I wanted to discuss that," Itachi noted, glancing straight back at Deidara. "Deidara, would you mind if Kisame stayed for a couple of days?"

"Why?" Deidara asked suspiciously, lowering his camera.

"Because he's living out of his car right now. He told me not to worry but he's always had my back, and I can't willingly let him continue to do that."

"That's understandable," Deidara nodded, surprising Itachi and turning back to the fish tank. "Sure, it's no problem."

"Thank you," Itachi nodded gratefully. "I'll catch up with him before we leave and coerce him into leaving with us."

"I heard every word and you'll do no such thing," a voice behind them noted. They all turned to greet Kisame, still dressed in a shark costume. "Itachi, stop fussing. Incidentally, my mother has just called. She'll be home tomorrow- my Dad's not happy, but she put her foot down. I'm surprised, I can tell you."

"You're her son," Itachi pointed out. "It's no surprise she's pulled out all the stops for you."

"Being his mother doesn't automatically mean that's true," Deidara pointed out quietly, instantly sobering the mood. Sasuke, unable to resist, picked up on it immediately.

"Do tell," he cooed mock-sympathetically. "What terrible slight did your mother perform against you? Did she ground you because you painted her house bright pink or something?"

"Sasuke," Itachi hissed warningly, but Deidara waved a hand in his direction to silence him.

"No Sasuke," he replied airily. "She refused to leave my abusive father and only did so when he hospitalised me, and even then she went crawling back, yeah."

Sasuke stared at him, clearly looking for any sign that he was joking. "Seriously?" He finally asked.

"Who would joke about something like that?"

"Sorry," Sasuke muttered, actually looking genuinely apologetic. Deidara shrugged and turned back to the fish tank to take more photographs, leaving Kisame to awkwardly fill the silence.

"So, yes- thank you for the concern, but I'm fine. However, this means I'm in the area for your stag night," he hinted with chuckle.

"I'm not getting married," Itachi told him sharply, whereas Deidara laughed outright and slung an arm around his partner's shoulder.

"I love you too," he sighed, planting a kiss on Itachi's temple before turning back to the fishes.

"Come this way," Kisame told them, gesturing over his shoulder. "Have you seen the underwater walk yet?"

Itachi let himself be led, glancing over his shoulder to see Deidara and Sasuke following before turning back to Kisame. "If she's coming back tomorrow at least spend the night at my place," he offered again.

"Here we are- the entrance is here," Kisame replied, ignoring the statement. "None of you are hydrophobic, right? Earlier today some poor girl who was ended up being dragged through here by her boyfriend- I've never heard anyone scream so loudly about how she was going to die because she thought the glass would collapse on her."

All three of them shook their heads, glancing around as they began their walk. Above them, a vast expanse of water and fish captured their attention, water glistening blue and fishes darting rapidly around above them.

"Look!" Deidara pointed as a stingray floated above them, immediately snapping photos with his camera.

"Is this what it's like for you underwater?" Itachi asked Kisame as they walked.

"Not really," Kisame replied after a moment's thoughts. "This is a lot more... Controlled? It's hard to describe. The ocean is unpredictable."

"It's a murderer," Itachi noted. "Majestic and beautiful, but still a murderer."

"It's hardly a sentient being. It doesn't know what it's doing because it doesn't have the capacity to know or care."

"I still speak the truth. People are claimed by that ocean all the time."

"Well aren't you morbid today?" Kisame mused. Itachi knew even without seeing his friend's face that he was being frowned at. "Cheer up and enjoy the fish parade, would you?"

"Only if you'll swallow your pride and accept you need help."

" _I_ need help?" Kisame chuckled. "Worry about yourself- I'll be fine."

They completed the rest of the walk in relative quiet, save for excited murmurs from Deidara and the beep of his camera as he snapped shots. Only when they exited the tunnel did Deidara break the silence.

"How did you guys meet?"

"School," Kisame replied. "I'll give you the story if you'll come back to the lobby with me. I'm supposed to be greeting people, remember?"

"It really isn't very interesting," Itachi attempted to say, but Deidara had already set off following Kisame in glee at the thought of possible gossip on his boyfriend.

"As I mentioned, we met in school," Kisame began once they were back where he needed to be, absently waving at people as they entered. "I was a couple of years older than him and happened to catch some little brat giving him backchat in the locker room one day. Itachi being Itachi was attempting to keep the peace and ignore him, but I wasn't going to stand for that so I knocked the guy out."

"Isn't that a little bit overkill?" Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Well, perhaps..." Kisame conceded. "I didn't _mean_ to! I didn't know my own strength, I guess. Itachi thanked me while he dragged the guy to the nurse's office like the good person he is, I introduced myself, and from there on I ended up keeping an eye on him."

"I handled myself fine," Itachi interjected, mostly to keep his pride intact.

"Right, right. How about the time that other kid tried to set your hair on fire with a Bunsen burner, and I happened to be delivering a message to your teacher and noticed?"

"You set his _shirt_ on fire."

"I got away with it too!" Kisame declared proudly. "The teacher believed he'd done it himself and he was too frightened to say I'd pushed him in the way of the flame."

"So what you're saying is you became friends because Kisame is ridiculously overprotective and destructive?" Sasuke summed up.

"Something like that," Itachi sighed, putting one hand to his forehead and sighing heavily. "People began to leave me alone, I have to say. He was an effective guard..." He faltered, glancing at his friend in his suit. "Guard shark," he finished with a light grin.

"Hey now, I had a reputation of my own," Kisame argued. "Remember that brat who insulted me? I broke his nose and put him in hospital."

"I've heard this story," Sasuke grinned. "Itachi told me when we ended up in trouble for something similar."

" _You_ were in a fight?" Kisame asked Itachi in disbelief.

"Long story," Itachi replied quickly.

Somebody called Kisame's name behind them- they all turned, Kisame immediately snapping to attention. "That's my boss," he muttered. "I think that's my cue to stop socialising and get some work done. I'll catch up with you soon, okay Itachi?"

"Fine," Itachi sighed, defeated. "Take care of yourself."

"Yeah, yeah. You too, pal."

-.-.-

That evening Itachi found himself in the tree in the front garden. Deidara was working on an art piece and was therefore lost to the world, giving Itachi plenty of time to think things over. The tree was far from comfortable but as he gazed up at the night sky he didn't mind- it was peaceful, which was what his mind needed right then.

"Half Uchiha, half cat?" A voice called up to him, startling him from his thoughts. He glanced down to see Kisame, grinning and looking a touch sheepish. "Mind if I join you?"

"If you wish," Itachi nodded, leaving Kisame to expertly scale the tree and seat himself on the branch next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I figured all your pestering to stay the night might have been a hint that you needed someone to talk to."

Itachi gave him a tiny smile at that. That hadn't been the idea, but it was Kisame's way of retaining his pride- he knew the man, so to him it was obvious. "I'd rather share a drink than a talk," he hinted. "Shall we go inside?"

Once in the house Itachi poked his head round the bedroom door to inform Deidara, who simply nodded and waved him off- he was absorbed in his art, fire in his eyes and paint on his hands. Itachi liked seeing him that way- or rather he liked to see him that happy, no matter what it took.

He returned to find Kisame had already raided his alcohol stash, settling on a bottle of whiskey. He had set two shot glasses out, filling them both and looking at Itachi expectantly. Itachi sighed and joined him at the table, picking up the glass tentatively.

"Three, two, one," Kisame counted down before knocking the shot back, Itachi only moments behind him. "Good man, Itachi. How about another?"

Itachi reluctantly agreed and before he knew it, he and Kisame had managed to take a reasonable chunk out of the bottle. Alcohol had tended to animate Kisame when they were younger, and it seemed nothing had changed.

"So tell me," he asked Itachi, a slight slur to his voice. "Since you're gay and all, I guess you didn't get with that really cute redhead in your class? You know, the one that used to practically stalk you- long hair, huge ti-"

"I like girls as well," Itachi cut in quickly to prevent the rest of the sentence from being said aloud.

"Oh. So did you get with her then?"

"No. I wasn't interested in relationships before Deidara." He paused, frowning for a moment. "Actually I wasn't interested when I _met_ Deidara- it just happened."

"So you had no relationship experience? What did you do with each other then- hold hands and make paper fortune tellers like high school girls?"

"You're lucky I like you," Itachi warned. "Only you can get away with joking like that. Deidara and I did just fine in the beginning and we continue to do so now."

"Please don't tell me you lead a vanilla sex life. I might have to disown you."

"I am _not_ sharing those details."

"Oh come on! I'd tell you about mine if I had one."

"And I wouldn't want to hear it!" Itachi protested. "Can you stop filling my glass up? My vision is starting to blur, which is a sign I need to stop."

"It's a sign you need to drink more," Kisame argued. "I've never seen you drunk, remember? Don't think you're getting out of that one so easily." He paused, looking momentarily serious for a moment. "Speaking of getting out of things, what's the _real_ reason you won't marry Deidara?"

Itachi hesitated before finally shaking his head and sobering slightly. "I'm scared," he admitted.

"What of?"

"Commitment. Change. Not being a perfect enough partner for him."

"Whoa, hang on," Kisame said, eyes widening. "Not being _perfect_ enough?"

"Stupid isn't it?" Itachi remarked with a shrug, swirling his drink nervously around in his glass. "I haven't told him that. I don't think I've really admitted it to myself until now. He walked out on me recently because I'm such an idiot. I'm not good enough for him yet."

"But he came back," Kisame noted. "Honestly, Itachi? I've never heard so much trash in all my life."

"I'm done with this conversation," Itachi sighed as he knocked back his drink and stood up. "Goodnight, Kisame."

Kisame grabbed his arm and fixed him with a pointed glare. "Sit back down. I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. I've been protecting you since you were eleven, and I'm not about to change that habit just because the person giving you shit this time is yourself."

"No," Itachi disagreed as he pulled his arm free. "I refuse to talk to you whilst under the influence. You're going to push me to answer questions about my relationship, I'm going to pretend I have no idea what you're talking about before eventually caving and spilling the details, and if we're lucky I might not end the night crying into my drink while you regret ever asking about it all. There- I just saved us three hours."

"You let the man paint a giant fucking unicorn on your wall," Kisame replied bluntly. "Marriage is a lesser transgression."

Itachi wearily sat down, glaring at Kisame across the table. "Alright, I'm humour you. Say we get married- that's wonderful and all and very romantic, but let's be realistic. It's a civil union for a start, and who would agree to do it? Not many people around here I imagine."

"You haven't looked. Don't be so fast to disregard it."

"Alright. How about the other complications? Who walks down the aisle and who stays at the altar? Do you attend each other's stag night? Do either of us change our surnames? Is there an option on your average form to fill in Mr. and Mr. as opposed to Mrs?"

"You're over-thinking things, as always. Not a single one of those things matters in the long run. You have an excuse for every eventuality, but what it comes down to is what you said earlier- you're afraid to disappoint. Let me spell this out for you Itachi." Kisame paused and leaned forward on the table, looking Itachi in the eye. "You're high maintenance. I mean that in the nicest possible way, but you are. Deidara is still here. You let him draw ridiculous things on your walls and he lets you be pedantic about things that don't matter. What more do you want?"

Itachi, unable to answer that question, simply poured himself another shot with a sigh of defeat.

"I've known you a long time," Kisame remarked, his voice taking on an edge of seriousness. "I've watched you achieve perfection time and time again, just like everybody else has. But I've seen you stay awake for forty-eight hours to study. I've seen you pass out because you were sick and you should have been at home resting, not in school. I've even seen you crying in frustration because you felt you just weren't good enough, even when you were."

"Where are you going with this?"

"Before Deidara, the only other person who _might_ have seen any of that was Sasuke," Kisame concluded. "And even then I doubt he has. I've seen the less perfect side of you and I've seen how much effort it took you to maintain that. I'm still your friend, aren't I?"

"I am still failing to see your point."

"For a genius you really are stupid sometimes," Kisame sighed, glaring lightly at Itachi. "Being in a relationship of _any_ kind, friendship included, is not about being perfect. It's about liking each other for who you are, flaws included. You don't have to change a thing to be 'perfect' for Deidara, because the fact he's here with you shows he already loves you just the way you are." He paused and knocked back his shot, giving Itachi a grin. "Pep talk over. You can relax now."

"Excellent," Itachi murmured. "I think now is a good time to go to bed."

He put his glass down and made his way to the door, slightly unsteady on his feet. Kisame watched him go, smiling as he did so.

"Itachi? Thanks for offering your place for the night," he called.

Itachi paused and glanced over his shoulder, a tiny smile on his face. "You've always protected me and set me straight," he noted. "It's nice to return the sentiment."

Kisame smirked at that. "I haven't set you very _straight_ if you're shacked up with a guy," he quipped. Itachi hesitated before smirking and blowing his friend a kiss, earning raucous laughter in return. "Go on, go to bed. I'll let myself out in the morning- my mother's going to be back early, and it'll be nice to see her."

"It's been nice seeing you," Itachi nodded in return. "What's your next plan of action?"

"I don't know," Kisame shrugged. "I might just hang around here for a while and take a break. Either way you'll be seeing a lot more of me, if you'll have me."

"Of course I will. Deidara does like you, contrary to how he acts sometimes."

"Don't you think that's kind of cute? That little spark of possessiveness?"

Itachi frowned at that, shaking his head. "That same spark is what's caused the rift between Deidara and Sasuke. Sasuke has absolutely no idea how to share me since he's never had to."

"Still the clingy little brother then?"

"And I'm still the protective big brother. Not much has changed."

"Plenty has changed," Kisame mused as he stood up and made his way over to Itachi. "Go on, get to bed. Take care of yourself, alright? I expect an invite to the wedding!"

"There isn't going to be a wedding," Itachi replied firmly as he took the hug Kisame gave him. "Stop deluding yourself."

"You need to tell yourself that."

"Good night Kisame," Itachi grinned, ignoring the comment and heading for the bedroom.

Deidara was fast asleep, half naked and sprawled across the double bed possessively. His blond hair, loose around his shoulders, was equally spread and he looked so serene that Itachi couldn't help but admire him for a moment. He still had a few licks of paint on his cheeks, only slightly visible in the moonlight.

"I'm so lucky," he murmured to himself as he slipped under the covers next to his partner, lightly nudging him over for space. "Thank you, Deidara."

"W'for?" Deidara muttered back sleepily.

"Nothing," Itachi replied quietly. "Go back to sleep, love."

"You must be drunk," Deidara mused as he turned over to get more comfortable. "You never call me that."

"There's a first time for everything," Itachi countered, but Deidara had already slipped back into peaceful slumber. In the distance the click of the front door told Itachi that Kisame had no intentions of taking his offer to spend the night, but he didn't have the energy to chase him. He sighed heavily and told himself that he had, at least, tried.


	13. Taking Control

Sitting in a dark coffee shop, leafing through a legal document while waiting for his uncle and father, was possibly the worse way Itachi could think of spending an afternoon. However that was his current location and activity, putting one hand to his forehead in frustration and mentally thanking his father for suggesting a coffee shop as a meeting place. The aroma of the shop and the coffee in front of him was practically the only thing keeping him awake, after all.

He'd spent the two days after Kisame's departure putting the document together, pulling from his mental reserves of law knowledge to make sure it was sound. Then he'd sat up in bed the night before with the document, reading it over and over until he fell asleep with it. He had awoken to Deidara lightly poking him, looking slightly amused as he indicated scattered papers all over the floor.

"I hope you numbered those pages," he had mused before heading off to shower. Itachi had, thankfully, done so and thus had spent the first half an hour of the day putting them back together. He'd fallen asleep with his contacts in and made his eyes sore, so had resorted to having to wear his glasses which had put him in an even worse mood.

He reasoned that he was, at least, putting his law studies to good use. He skipped back to the most relevant page in the document before a shadow cast across the table, leaving him to glance up and give his father a tiny smile.

"Afternoon son," Fugaku nodded as he sat down.

"Good afternoon. Is Madara with you?"

"We came together- he's parking the car." Fugaku glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice regardless, narrowing his eyes sharply. "I'm not happy about deceiving him."

"We're not," Itachi replied firmly. "I have the contract written up right now, and he's welcome to read every word before signing it. You get the business, and I get my freedom."

"He's family. I know you aren't fond of him-"

"Because he's a meddling, two faced jerk?"

"He's your uncle regardless! He deserves your respect if nothing else."

"And he shall get it," Itachi reassured.

Madara entered at that moment, silencing them both as he approached the table. He gave Itachi a nod of hello before practically snatching the contract from his hands and reading through it. Itachi was unperturbed, blowing onto his coffee to cool it indifferently. Madara would be raking through the contract with a fine tooth comb, no doubt. That was fine. He was certain it was watertight.

"Satisfactory," Madara finally complemented, pulling a pen from his pocket. As expected, it was an expensive fountain pen, complete with an engraving of the name 'Madara'. Itachi didn't care- he was too busy attempting not to sigh in relief. "Sign please, both of you."

Itachi took the pen and offered it to his father first, who signed in the first box. Itachi signed in the second, seeing Madara's eyes widen as he did so. He whisked the paper out from beneath them should Itachi suddenly decide to set it ablaze with his eyes or something equally destructive, bidding them goodbye and vanishing seconds later with it clutched tightly in his hands.

"Why does he want me so much?" Itachi mused to his father.

"You're young and talented," Fugaku replied without any hesitation. "Plus you're an Uchiha. Our name is powerful in the business world, so being secure in the knowledge that there are two generations of Uchiha to take over is good for Madara. So go on- what loophole did you construct that he missed?"

"I was an excellent law student," Itachi smirked. "Of course he missed it. He doesn't know enough about me to think it was a problem."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a single sheet of folded paper, which contained a copy of part of the contract. Fugaku watched as Itachi ran his finger along a small, seemingly unimportant section.

"In the event that Uchiha Fugaku is incapacitated in any way, including but not limited to; retirement, hospitalisation, death or mental impairment, Uchiha Itachi will be elected as the new Chief Executive Officer," Itachi read out loud. "In the event that any of the above should befall Uchiha Itachi, then he may choose a new successor provided he is able to do so. In the event that he is not, the task shall lie with the Board of Directors."

"I don't see your point, Itachi."

"I have a perfection complex," Itachi replied simply. "It's a _mental impairment_."

"That's all?" Fugaku asked, eyes slightly wide in shock. "You really think you can get out of it based on that alone?"

"I'll fight it in a court of law if I have to," Itachi shrugged as he sipped his coffee, looking unconcerned. "The wish to be perfect in such a position would cause somebody to use people around them for that goal, would it not? Perhaps a person would cut corners to keep a perfect record. Perhaps they would intimidate or bribe people into deals to keep a good front for the business."

"You'd never do any of that, though."

"But I could," Itachi reasoned. "People wouldn't want to work under me, knowing what I could be capable of in the name of perfection."

"You are incredible," Fugaku finally praised with a smile. "You'd have made a good lawyer."

"I know," Itachi agreed. "But I'd like to think I'll make an even better teacher since I'll actually enjoy it."

Fugaku chuckled at that. "You know, I was actually quite disappointed when I thought you'd broken up with Deidara," he admitted. "It took some getting used to, but you're suited. I like the influence he's had on you."

"Thank you," Itachi said quietly. "I appreciate hearing that, especially from you."

"Do you see him in your future?"

"Of course. I wouldn't be with him if I didn't."

"That's good," Fugaku nodded. "Any plans to make an honest... uh, man out of him?"

"Dad!" Itachi hissed in embarrassment.

"What? Just because you're with a man doesn't mean you're freed from these questions, Itachi. I just have to find new ways to word them."

"Everyone keeps telling me I should, but why? I love him- I don't need a piece of paper telling me that," Itachi countered.

"No, but you'd need a piece of paper for your relationship to be legally recognised," Fugaku remarked. "You can live together for fifty years, buy a house together, forge a life together then one of you could die and leave the other with nothing."

Itachi frowned at that thought, breaking his gaze and staring down at the table.

"I apologise for the morbid statement," Fugaku continued quietly.

"No, it's fine. You're right- I should know that, having studied law for so long," Itachi reasoned quietly. "Thank you."

"Glad to help, son. Sasuke tells me Deidara has re-decorated your living room."

"He's painted a giant unicorn onto the wall. It's frolicking about on silver stars and riding a rainbow."

"If you ever decide to move I want it painted over, alright son?"

"Of course."

"As well as that hideous sun in your kitchen, and those strange motifs on the bathroom wall. Is there anything that boy won't touch with a paintbrush?"

"Apparently not," Itachi laughed, allowing the conversation to drop into silence as they savoured the coffee and moment together.

-.-.-

"So?" Deidara asked the second Itachi walked back through the door. "Did it work?"

"Of course it worked," Itachi smirked as he took the hug Deidara offered. "The business is going to Dad, and in the event it passes to me I can pass it on again because of my _mental deficiency_."

"That's genius."

"I know."

"Careful, there won't be room in the house for your ego if you continue," Deidara warned. "Guess what I've been up to while you've been gone?"

"Who knows with you," Itachi sighed as he followed Deidara into the living room. "Go on, what have you been-"

He cut himself off upon entering the room, eyes widening in shock. The sofa had been covered with old sheets and the furniture had been pulled away from the wall opposite the unicorn-clad one. Deidara had painted it pink, just like the other one, and had the outline of a unicorn ready.

"Help me paint," Deidara grinned as he thrust a paintbrush into Itachi's hand. Itachi stared at it for a few moments, tempted to put it down and tell his boyfriend he was _insane_ , but he didn't. Instead he slipped his jacket off and tentatively dipped the paintbrush into white paint, setting it to the wall with a tiny smile.

"I suppose the room couldn't have looked any worse," he reasoned.

Deidara seemed shocked that Itachi hadn't put up a fight, but he didn't complain. He grabbed another paintbrush and joined in, grinning as he did so.

"Is that an expensive shirt?" He asked idly of Itachi's blue dress shirt.

"Not particularly. I wanted something smart to impress Madara though."

"Good," Deidara declared before flicking paint at him. Itachi held his hands up to protect himself out of instinct, resulting in his arms catching splatters of white.

"You idiot," he chided lightly, before flicking paint straight back at him. It was a declaration of war that left them both dipping their paintbrushes into paint, flicking and throwing it at one another childishly. When some ended up in his hair Itachi attempted to stop the fight by hiding behind the sofa, but Deidara had simply ran his paint-laden paintbrush through Itachi's hair with a grin. Itachi, not to be outdone, had accosted the pink paint this time and dripped copious amounts onto his partner's own locks.

"Truce?" Itachi asked when they were both slightly breathless from chasing each other around the living room, armed with paintbrushes and standing amidst a warzone filled with paint.

"I suppose," Deidara shrugged, dropping his brush and stalking across the room. He kissed Itachi fiercely, running his hands through his colourful hair and spreading the paint around further. Itachi didn't protest, finding himself backed up against the door in a fit of passion. Their clothes found their way to the floor, as did they, giving Itachi a single moment to lament that his lovely carpet was probably going to get covered in paint before his lips were captured by Deidara's once more.

Passionate moments with Deidara were as expected from the artist- heated and almost frantic, but still caring and tender somehow. Once finished they would bathe in a shared afterglow, marginally out of breath with flushed cheeks and hair sticking to their foreheads. Eventually it would fade, leaving them to go about their usual lives once again, but safe in the knowledge they were just a little bit closer than they had been before.

Of course, that level of closeness also led people to say silly things. For some it was 'I love you' that was hastily taken back later when the speaker had collected their senses, but neither Itachi nor Deidara had problems with those words. As they lay naked on the floor surrounded by paint splatters and newspapers, Itachi lifted himself up onto his elbows and gave Deidara a tiny, if hazy, smile.

"Maybe marriage wouldn't be so bad," he mused.

Deidara narrowed his eyes with an amused smile. "How about you tell me that in an hour's time? If you can, then we'll talk."

"It's not the afterglow talking," Itachi chided, even if he wasn't entirely sure about the truthfulness of that sentence. "Maybe it would be a good idea after all."

"Uh huh. It's the afterglow talking, yeah."

Itachi gave him a small scowl. "It's a genuine sentiment. I was thinking about it earlier in the coffee shop anyway. I had a good talk with Kisame the other day... And I admitted I feel like I'm not perfect enough for you."

Deidara frowned at him, shaking his head slowly. "That's not true."

"Kisame said that," Itachi nodded. "And I think maybe it _does_ make sense at times like now... Like maybe you won't walk out on me for not being good enough-"

"I'm not going anywhere," Deidara cut in firmly. "I love you just how you are."

"My father pointed out some practical reasons to marry today," Itachi admitted. "It gave me something to think about I guess."

"Like what?"

"It doesn't matter. Either way I'm considering it- isn't that what you wanted?"

"Only if it's what you want too, yeah. Like I said, let's talk about this later," Deidara promised as he pulled himself to his knees and retrieved his shirt. "Help me finish this unicorn, yeah."

Itachi gave him a smile as he collected his clothing as well, frowning in distaste as he fingered strands of his hair- the paint was already beginning to dry.

"I'm going to take a shower. There's paint in my hair."

"So?" Deidara shrugged. His own hair was equally coated but he obviously didn't care, paintbrush already back on the walls. Itachi left him to it- if he wanted to cut clumps of hair off later to get rid of the paint, then that was his decision.

After about five washes and a lot of rinsing, Itachi finally got out of the shower with paint-free hair. He ran a comb through it as he studied himself in the mirror, taking a good look at his reflection with a tiny smile on his lips. He'd come such a long way since meeting Deidara, and even though physically he hadn't changed much he was unrecognisable to himself now.

The shower had given him plenty of time to think as well. He made his way back to the living room, leaning against the doorframe in his towelling gown and watching Deidara paint. His wet hair was dripping on the carpet but for once he didn't care, which he felt must have been quite a positive sign.

"It would be a civil partnership you know," he said, catching Deidara's attention.

"Does it matter? I wouldn't ask 'will you civil partnership me', would I?" Deidara pointed out, turning back to his paintbrush.

"I'm not wearing a dress."

"I wouldn't expect you to. A kimono would look pretty good though, yeah. Your uncle Madara isn't getting an invite."

"Of course not. A think a small affair would be for the best."

"I agree with that. Maybe you could finally meet my mother."

"That would be nice."

"Would you object if I asked Sasuke to be my best man?"

" _Sasuke_?" Itachi echoed, eyes widening in shock.

Deidara shrugged awkwardly. "It's not like I know anybody else, is it? Besides, if I do that then you can ask Kisame to be yours."

"That's true. You realise we're talking about this like it's actually going to happen?"

Deidara rolled his eyes with a long sigh. "Thank you for stating the obvious, Itachi. Are you going to avoid it any longer or shall I do it?"

The silence answered his question so he sighed again, raising an eyebrow in Itachi's direction. Itachi simply smirked and said nothing.

"I'm not getting down on one knee," Deidara warned. "But will you _civil partnership_ me, Itachi?"

Itachi had to laugh at that, pretending to think about it. "Well, alright then," he replied slowly. "But in my time, Deidara. The whole idea is going to be stressful and taxing for me. I'm only just beginning to really get over this complex, and a ceremony is going to put me in the spotlight. I only thrive in spotlights when I'm being perfect."

"Blah blah blah," Deidara shrugged. "I don't care, yeah. Nor does anybody else."

"I'm aware, but I care. That's my problem."

"What if I don't let you plan or organise anything?" Deidara remarked, looking thoughtful. "If you don't have any control over it, then surely you can't stress?"

"If I have no control over it, I will be a complete wreck. I _need_ control."

"Alright. You can have full control, yeah."

"That isn't a very good option either."

"You're complicated," Deidara sighed. "And don't tell me- I should know that already. Just focus on the reception- it'll be all over then, plus there will be tons of alcohol." He looked serious for a moment, narrowing his eyes in concern. "Talk it over with your therapist," he said quietly. "It's a nice idea, but we'll only do it if you think you can. Now stop being sappy and pick up a paintbrush, yeah. This unicorn isn't going to paint itself."

Itachi took up the brush, dipping it into the paint and hesitating for a moment. He had two options: put it to the wall, or flick paint at Deidara. He grinned and took option number two, earning a cry from Deidara who clearly hadn't been expecting it.

"That's it!" Deidara declared as he loaded his brush with bright pink paint, but Itachi was already gone, swiftly leaving for the bedroom. Deidara gave chase with the brush still in hand, finding Itachi had shed his gown as was sitting on the bed giving him a tiny smirk of satisfaction.

"No paint in the bedroom," he warned.

Deidara took one look at the brush before launching it out into the hallway, where it connected with the carpet in a shower of pink. Itachi opened his mouth to complain but Deidara had already joined him on the bed, sealing his words with a kiss instead.

"You know I love you, right?" He murmured into Itachi's ear.

"And I love you too," Itachi returned, snaking a hand around Deidara's neck and drawing him in for another kiss. He could certainly do worse than his current life, he mused as he allowed himself to be pushed lightly back against the mattress. If marriage meant signing himself up for more of this, then really- who was he to refuse?


	14. Epilogue

"You're scaring me," Sasuke deadpanned as he sat at Itachi's living room table. Itachi and Deidara sat across from him- the former was sipping coffee and calm, while Deidara was twisting locks of his blond hair nervously.

"Deidara has something to speak to you about," Itachi finally interjected when it became clear Deidara wasn't going to begin the conversation.

"Out with it, then."

Deidara continued to look nervous, wringing his hands together worriedly. "I'm pregnant."

Sasuke stared at him, while Itachi whipped around to face him so fast he was surprised he didn't give himself whiplash. Deidara reached into his pocket and pulled out a pregnancy test, which Itachi immediately ripped from his hand to study.

"You bought a test?" Sasuke asked, one eyebrow raised in amusement. "How cute. I didn't realise you were so gender confused. Did you actually use it?"

"Of course, yeah. The positive line's drawn on with a sharpie though."

Sasuke smirked and turned to Itachi. "That means he pissed on that," he pointed out helpfully, causing Itachi to drop it immediately. "You didn't think it was actually going to be positive, did you?"

"I was curious," Itachi remarked. "While I wasn't expecting it to be positive, I was thinking perhaps it would relate in _some_ manner to the real reason we called you here. Deidara?"

Deidara sighed and instantly returned to his previous nervous state. "Willyoubemybestman?" He squeaked. Sasuke took a moment to process what he had said before narrowing his eyes and turning back to Itachi.

"So you finally agreed," he remarked. "What changed your mind?"

"I came to like the idea."

"You're crazy."

"Probably. I expect you _and_ Naruto to attend, Sasuke. This means you're going to have to come clean with mum and dad."

"So why do you want me as your best man?" Sasuke asked Deidara, deftly ignoring the statement. "Oh wait, I think I know- you don't have any friends, so you've asked me so you don't look like such a loner."

"No," Deidara replied slowly, some of his nervousness melting away with the question finally asked. "I'm excited that you'll become my brother in law, so I'm going to embrace that by attempting to improve our relationship, yeah."

"Itachi told you to say that, didn't he?"

"Yes," Deidara sighed heavily. "Itachi's asking Kisame and it wouldn't be right to have you uninvolved!"

"The only involvement I'm going to have is sitting at the bar drinking myself into oblivion, lamenting over what a moron my older brother is. How are you going to decide who walks down the aisle anyway?"

"We could walk together," Deidara shrugged.

"Actually I had an idea for that," Itachi replied, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a coin, flipping it into the air and slapping it down on the back of his hand, keeping it covered and glancing at Deidara. "If it's heads then you walk, if it's tails then I walk. Deal?"

"Sounds good to me."

Itachi lifted his hand up, grinning as the coin beamed up at them headfirst. Deidara looked worried for a moment before a smirk crossed his face and he turned back to Sasuke.

"I'll rephrase my question, yeah. Will you be my bridesmaid, Sasuke?"

Sasuke stared at him in disbelief. "You'd better not wear a dress," he warned.

"Of course not, yeah. So? Will you be my best man or will you be my bridesmaid? Those are your choices."

"There's another choice," Sasuke said firmly as he stood and made his way to the door. "I can leave the country."

He saw himself out, leaving Deidara to chuckle to himself and Itachi to make more coffee and pretend the conversation hadn't happened. As the kettle clicked off the boil his phone beeped to indicate a message- Itachi pulled it from his pocket, smirking as he read it.

' _Tell the idiot I'll be his best man.'_

Pride, Itachi decided as he poured himself another coffee, was as entrenched in Sasuke's bones as being perfect was in his own.


End file.
